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You Know You're From Arizona When...
You've signed so many petitions to recall governors you can't remember the name of the incumbent.
You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
You no longer associate bridges or rivers with water.
You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.
You can hear the weather forecast of 115 degrees without flinching.
YSou can be in the snow, then drive for an hour...and it will be over 100 degrees.
You discover, in July it only takes two fingers to drive your car, because your steering wheel is so hot.
You can make sun tea instantly.
You run your a/c in the middle of winter so you can use your fireplace.
The best parking is determined by shade.....not distance.
You realize that "Valley Fever" isn't a disco dance.
Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.
It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation and yet all the streets are totally empty of both cars and people.
You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
Sunscreen is sold year round, kept right at the checkout counter.
You put on fresh sunscreen just to go check the mail box.
Some fools will market mini-misters for joggers and some other fools will actually buy them. Worse.....some fools actually try to jog.
You know hot air balloons can't rise because the air temperature is hotter than the air
inside the balloon.
No one would dream of putting vinyl inside a car.
You see two trees fighting over a dog.
You can say "Hohokam" and people don't think you're laughing funny
You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the Salt River
You have to go to a fake beach for some fake waves
You can pronounce"Saguaro", "Tempe", "San Xavier", "Canyon de Chelly", "Mogollon Rim", and "Cholla"
You can understand the reason for a town named "Why"
You can fry an egg on the hood of a car IN THE MORNING!
You hear people say "but it's a DRY heat!"
You buy salsa by the gallon.
Your Christmas decorations include sand and l00 paper bags.
You think a red light is merely a suggestion.
All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October but clear out come the end of April.
You think someone driving wearing oven mitts is clever.
Most of the restaurants in town have the first name "El" or "Los."
You think 60 tons of crushed red rock makes a beautiful yard.
Your house is made of stucco and has a red clay tile roof.
Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer.
Most homes have more firearms than people.
Kids will ask, "What's a mosquito?"
People who have black cars or black upholstery in their car are automatically assumed to be from out of-state or nuts.
You know better than to get into a car with leather seats if you're wearing shorts.
If you haven't worked for Motorola at some time, you must be a newcomer.
You can finish a Big Gulp in 10 minutes and go back for seconds.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Arizona.
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You Know You're From Australia When...
Your next door neighbours can be from Tunisia, Israel, Indonesia, Japan, Zimbabwe, Iraq, Brazil, Spain, Malaysia...
The community is so concerned over the fact that muslim women can't use public swimming pools because there are men present that they have female-only periods.
The Greeks and Mexicans next door ask you over to have a barbeque.
You don't actually use the words 'sheila' or 'shrimp'.
You sleep with Aeroguard on.
You're wearing a cap emblazoned with 'Get A Dog Up Ya.'
You feel obliged to spread salty black stuff that looks like congealed motor oil on bread and actually grow to like it.
You actively dislike Americans, but watch their TV, eat their food and worship their idols.
You think Tall Poppy Syndrome is a national condition.
Democracy means the freedom to draw caricatures of John Howard.
Your idea of a lethal weapon is a slug gun.
The closest you ever got to going overseas was your packet of 5 Days In Rio grundies.
A posh meal = an all-you-can-eat buffet.
The term "musical instrument" also extends to wobbly bits of ply-wood, hand saws, gum leafs and combs.
Your most offensive curse also doubles as an exclamation of awe or amazement, like, "fark orf!"
All of your internationally famous people don't live here.
You think footballers dressing up in drag on TV is funny (but your son being gay isn't).
You relish test cricket - the longest, slowest game in sport (and that's not even counting the replays). After all, what else gives you an excuse to sit on your arse for five days, watch TV and sink piss with your mates?
You don't drink Fosters, but you let the world think you do.
The only thing better than beating the Pohms at ANY sport is giving them shit for it.
You love, adore and admire a particular team/sportstar/actor on a winning streak - until they lose. Then they're just crap and 'past it.'
You can compress several words into one - ie 'g'day', 'd'reckn?' This allows for more space for profanities.
You favour either Holden or Ford - or a souped-up WRX with new kit and a bootful of subwoofer.
Driving down the main street/beach road playing bad techno is your idea of a perfect Saturday night / Sunday arvo.
You make kooky films, sometimes about wayward road trips (across the outback preferably). Quite a few are crap.
You know all the words to Khe Sahn but not the national anthem.
Your nickname ends in 'a' or 'o'.
You have a customised stubby holder.
Your soap stars become pop singers and move to the UK.
You've ever used the words - grouse, tops, ripper, choice, sick, rad, exo, ace, wicked, ballistic - to mean good. And then you place 'bloody' in front of it when you really mean it.
Your cooking apron has plastic breasts on it.
The "Aussie Aussie Aussie! Oi oi oi!" chant has been a religious experience in the past.
The blokes at the local gym think your weight training is an opportunity to ask you out on a date.
The big national sporting events are men-only.
Your politicians believe than sticking the prefix 'un' in front of your nationality is an effective way of making you sit down and shut up.
Our mantras are 'fair go for all', 'mateship' and 'little Aussie battler' - but we still publicly condemn those with different viewpoints to us.
The barbeque is a male-dominated arena. And the women do the salads.
'Fair go for all' excludes indigenous people.
An eight-hour trip to go camping for the weekend isn't out of the question or excessive.
You take pride in living in a tolerant multicultural society but firmly believe that all Poms and Kiwis are fair game.
You insist on asking every celebrity who steps of an aircraft what they think of Australia. If the response is not overwhelmingly positive, they should be subjected to immediate public ridicule.
The private lives of footy and cricket players become more important than local and national news stories.
Slick pick-up lines like 'Wanna shag?' and 'Carn, show us yer tits' can constitute male-to-female conversation.
You say 'no worries' quite often, whether you realise it or not.
You realise you have no Bill of Rights.
The first thing guaranteed to get eaten at parties is fairy bread.
So that's the special ingredients that make up an Aussie - whatever your taste.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Austrailia.
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You Know You're From Sydney When...
You make over $100,000 AU and still can't afford a house.
You never bother looking at the train timetable because you know the drivers have never seen it.
You order organic fruit and vegies online, but eat out every night anyway.
You spent more money on your coffee machine than on your washing machine.
You spend $200+ for your room in an apartment with stunning harbour/beachviews and European appliances; and then spend a total of 40 hours each week there (37 of which you are sleeping).
You contemplate calling a taxi from your home to where you managed to park the car the night before.
You spend 30 minutes in a traffic jam next to a car with more power to its speakers than its wheels.
You know everyone's e-mail and mobile number but not their last name or home address.
You can roll sushi, make pasta and keep your red curry paste recipe under lock and key...but couldn't roast a chicken to save your life.
Your taxi driver was a micro-surgeon before he moved to Australia.
Your co-worker tells you he/she has 8 body piercings but none are visible.
You can't remember....is dope illegal?
You've been to more than one baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
You have a very strong opinion where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
A really great parking space can move you to tears.
You are thinking of taking an adult class but you can't decide between yoga, aromatherapy, conversational Italian, French or building your own website.
A man in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps gets on the bus. You don't notice.
A woman with live poultry gets onto the bus. You don't notice.
You are genuinely surprised when you meet someone who was actually born in Sydney (but then, they are Swiss/Thai/Brazilian).
Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is straight.... and your Avon Lady is a drag queen
You take a bus and are shocked at 2 people carrying on a conversation in English.
You assume every company offers domestic partner benefits.
Your boss runs in "The City to Surf"... it's the first time you have seen him/her nude.
You think any guy with a George Clooney haircut must be visiting from the North Shore.
You know that any woman with a George Clooney haircut is not a tourist.
You couldn't figure out how to drive to Sydney Tower if your life depended on it.
You meet friends for coffee at 1am at your local Netcafe / Laundramat /Bookstore / Bar / Alternative healing centre and go for drinks and pool at nine in the morning.
You go out each Saturday for breakfast and the paper...at 3pm.
Your shiatsu therapist is headhunted by an Internet Startup and your accountant becomes an actor.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Sydney.
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