I am making a chinese new years resolution.
I AM SO MAD.
I AM SO MUCH MADDER THAN I WAS IN MY PREVIOUS POST
I just went to check my old yahoo mail acount.
one in which I had emailed myself a bunch of stuff that was important to me.
some writing I had done at one point.
and now they decided deleting all of my shit was cool.
can they legally do that?
thats not fair.
further more.
I don't like that I can't clear some stuff up.
about the whole calling thing.
you aren't obligated to call me.
its just a nice way to end my day.
I thought you liked to talk to me.
I thought that it was anice thing that I got to talk to you before i went to bed and I thought you enjoyed it just as much as i do.
I could be wrong.
and it isn't mandatory...
just since I don't see you at least you know having a chat at night would be nice.
im a little confused right now.
I have some anxieties.
I need someone to talk to. but I am really irratable, and only a few people wouldn't piss me off.
I hate lj.
it just makes me sad seeing all of these peoples lj's from juliannas and cHs and realising that they don't miss me as much as I miss them.
I am sick of being the only one making the effort to do anything though..
thats not cool.
I do not like being the only person putting out effort.
and I know I am not putting out that much effort but still.
sometimes Iwish i wasn't so hard on my self.
sometimes I want to go back to middle school and correct everything that went wrong.
I hate people who don't understand one isolated incident in my life.
that no one talked to me about.
that no one explained wasn't my fault, and why i to this day take it out on my self.
max talked to mea bout it once he helped.
but I need to talk stuff out better.
I am ready to vomit on my self, I am so fed up with me.
emma you should shut up.
honestly.
god damnit.
I can already imagine this break sucking, because I have a feeling that it isn't going to work out how I want it to because I have a feeling that my idea of how things should be isn't how they should be,
I also have the idea that possibly I am retarded and maybe my whole view on the beauty of a loving relationship is fucked,maybe I am wrong about what it entails.I know that I love max, but maybe i have a warped perception when it comes to the expectations of a person. I Am not questioning how I feel about the boy at all. I know exactly how I feel.
but maybe I just dont know how to handle that? ERGH
you know I use the word entails alot.
but im not exactly sure if (1) that is even a word. and (2) if so, what exactly it means.
ugh.
im not feeling very accepted right now.
bluh. what ever.
love
emma
I AM SO MUCH MADDER THAN I WAS IN MY PREVIOUS POST
I just went to check my old yahoo mail acount.
one in which I had emailed myself a bunch of stuff that was important to me.
some writing I had done at one point.
and now they decided deleting all of my shit was cool.
can they legally do that?
thats not fair.
further more.
I don't like that I can't clear some stuff up.
about the whole calling thing.
you aren't obligated to call me.
its just a nice way to end my day.
I thought you liked to talk to me.
I thought that it was anice thing that I got to talk to you before i went to bed and I thought you enjoyed it just as much as i do.
I could be wrong.
and it isn't mandatory...
just since I don't see you at least you know having a chat at night would be nice.
im a little confused right now.
I have some anxieties.
I need someone to talk to. but I am really irratable, and only a few people wouldn't piss me off.
I hate lj.
it just makes me sad seeing all of these peoples lj's from juliannas and cHs and realising that they don't miss me as much as I miss them.
I am sick of being the only one making the effort to do anything though..
thats not cool.
I do not like being the only person putting out effort.
and I know I am not putting out that much effort but still.
sometimes Iwish i wasn't so hard on my self.
sometimes I want to go back to middle school and correct everything that went wrong.
I hate people who don't understand one isolated incident in my life.
that no one talked to me about.
that no one explained wasn't my fault, and why i to this day take it out on my self.
max talked to mea bout it once he helped.
but I need to talk stuff out better.
I am ready to vomit on my self, I am so fed up with me.
emma you should shut up.
honestly.
god damnit.
I can already imagine this break sucking, because I have a feeling that it isn't going to work out how I want it to because I have a feeling that my idea of how things should be isn't how they should be,
I also have the idea that possibly I am retarded and maybe my whole view on the beauty of a loving relationship is fucked,maybe I am wrong about what it entails.I know that I love max, but maybe i have a warped perception when it comes to the expectations of a person. I Am not questioning how I feel about the boy at all. I know exactly how I feel.
but maybe I just dont know how to handle that? ERGH
you know I use the word entails alot.
but im not exactly sure if (1) that is even a word. and (2) if so, what exactly it means.
ugh.
im not feeling very accepted right now.
bluh. what ever.
love
emma