everyone loves a bisexual
ever since i came out people have been coming to me (mostly women but some men) questioning their sexuality. and as far as the women go, half they time they kind of want me. i say kind of because there is something there that makes them hesitant. i often wonder what it is about sexuality that makes the subject complicated ad nauseam and i can only decide that social norms are to blame.
but why are the norms what they are? first of all, if you look at sexual animal behavior as simplistic as the urge to reproduce in order to make more of one's kind, homosexuality doesn't seem to make sense. is homosexuality simply a random mutation that so far has not really been favorable or unfavorable enough a trait to die out? why is it so widely dispersed in the human species and not so much in other animals? is it because there are so many more humans? unfortunately to answer these questions i'd have to conduct exhaustive research that i am neither qualified nor willing to do. but strike one against the gays: one can't reproduce with one's own gender.
next, there is religion, particularly monotheistic religion that hates sex altogether. why is this? i imagine that when human societies were just beginning to form, religion was created to not only explain to world around us to the curious human mind but also felt the need to keep people in check (in other words, making people act to the way the leaders wanted them to) and therefore created rules. i've read over leviticus often, where homosexuality is first mentioned, and find the rules rather interesting. the main thing each rule logically has in common with each other is disease control. shellfish is a common allergy, and also potentially dangerous if improperly stored or cooked so it's no surprise to me that someone ate some clams, dropped dead, and they figured god was punishing that person for eating clams and therefore it must be forbidden. pork can have trichinosis. touch a dead animal, you pick up germs. unclean during menstruation - poor hygiene makes one susceptible to bacterial infection. all things mentioned in leviticus. then there's sex. men are warned not to lie with women during her menstruation and not to lie with each other. seeing as how periods were thought to be punishment from god....and the awful mess it would make...the former makes sense to me. but why is gay sex so bad? well men more often have a higher sex drive than women and as a result tend to be more promiscuous - or so we think. but let's go with that stereotype for a second. multiple partners means multiple chances to pick up an std or sti. that seems to be a good argument for why marriage was created in the first place, to keep people clean (and also, theoretically, force them to band together to take care of their offspring). so the guys can't have sex with each other because they'd be spreading around too much disease. now i could be dead wrong about all of that, but i'm not inclined to think so.
the third is that people are afraid of those who are different than they are because they are ignorant. i'm not going to break that one down. it applies to all minorities.
so here are the three major reasons i feel homosexuality is so frowned upon. i speculate that if we lived in a society that didn't have such attitudes toward homosexuality, people would be much more free and open with it. as it is, as homosexuals become more visible and more accepted, more and more people are apt to "experiment" with their sexuality.
so these people who come to me have two conflicting forces - their curious nature and their fear of going against the "norm". therein lies the struggle for all people who are not completely straight. for those of us who are definitely gay or mostly gay, we go through this struggle and find it a thousand times more tortuous than someone who is mostly straight and just examining their queer side.
let's see, the first woman who came out to me as "bisexual" still identifies as bisexual, but currently dates a man. the next is married to a man with two children. the third dates men but i suspect will still be with a woman from time to time, just probably not a relationship with a woman. the fourth, dated me....i have no idea what she likes now. the fifth, also dated me but seems to lean towards guys, particularly now. the sixth came out as bi, went gay, and is now straight again. oh yeah i dated her too. the seventh, i made out with, told me she had a crush on me once but didn't want to pursue anything....now engaged to a man. the eighth, now identifies as asexual. the ninth dates men but has admitted to possible sociopathic tendencies (in her words: "the therapist told me i don't care who i get sex from, just that i get it") the tenth continues her struggle, comes to me again and again, but has only dated men. the eleventh dates men but has admitted to sleeping with a woman, and wouldn't mind dating one. number twelve is bicurious i have just learned, thirteen is bicurious, made out with me and ran for the hills soon after, and fourteen refuses to identify herself at all.
various women have come out to me as lesbian and still are.
a couple boys came to me questioning their sexuality. they all identify as gay now.
various men have come out as gay and still are.
it's the bisexual, bicurious and unlabeled ones that interest me most. perhaps because they're always so all over the place: fine with their sexuality one minute, afraid the next. then unsure. then lamenting it. then loving it. they are chameleons, they change with the social stimuli around them. they are one thing to some people and other things to other people. and they all come to me. why? half the time i'm the only gay person they know. other times it's because they know i won't judge them.
fourteen women came to me unsure of their sexuality. seven of them are currently in a relationship with a man. nine of them have kissed me. at least seven have admitted to having a crush on me. ten have admitted finding me attractive. none of them have slept with me.
how much of their choice in partner was governed by social norms? where would these women rate themselves on the kinsey scale? and the most important and self centered question: what makes them like me, then not like me, then like me, then not like me again?
it boggles the mind.
but why are the norms what they are? first of all, if you look at sexual animal behavior as simplistic as the urge to reproduce in order to make more of one's kind, homosexuality doesn't seem to make sense. is homosexuality simply a random mutation that so far has not really been favorable or unfavorable enough a trait to die out? why is it so widely dispersed in the human species and not so much in other animals? is it because there are so many more humans? unfortunately to answer these questions i'd have to conduct exhaustive research that i am neither qualified nor willing to do. but strike one against the gays: one can't reproduce with one's own gender.
next, there is religion, particularly monotheistic religion that hates sex altogether. why is this? i imagine that when human societies were just beginning to form, religion was created to not only explain to world around us to the curious human mind but also felt the need to keep people in check (in other words, making people act to the way the leaders wanted them to) and therefore created rules. i've read over leviticus often, where homosexuality is first mentioned, and find the rules rather interesting. the main thing each rule logically has in common with each other is disease control. shellfish is a common allergy, and also potentially dangerous if improperly stored or cooked so it's no surprise to me that someone ate some clams, dropped dead, and they figured god was punishing that person for eating clams and therefore it must be forbidden. pork can have trichinosis. touch a dead animal, you pick up germs. unclean during menstruation - poor hygiene makes one susceptible to bacterial infection. all things mentioned in leviticus. then there's sex. men are warned not to lie with women during her menstruation and not to lie with each other. seeing as how periods were thought to be punishment from god....and the awful mess it would make...the former makes sense to me. but why is gay sex so bad? well men more often have a higher sex drive than women and as a result tend to be more promiscuous - or so we think. but let's go with that stereotype for a second. multiple partners means multiple chances to pick up an std or sti. that seems to be a good argument for why marriage was created in the first place, to keep people clean (and also, theoretically, force them to band together to take care of their offspring). so the guys can't have sex with each other because they'd be spreading around too much disease. now i could be dead wrong about all of that, but i'm not inclined to think so.
the third is that people are afraid of those who are different than they are because they are ignorant. i'm not going to break that one down. it applies to all minorities.
so here are the three major reasons i feel homosexuality is so frowned upon. i speculate that if we lived in a society that didn't have such attitudes toward homosexuality, people would be much more free and open with it. as it is, as homosexuals become more visible and more accepted, more and more people are apt to "experiment" with their sexuality.
so these people who come to me have two conflicting forces - their curious nature and their fear of going against the "norm". therein lies the struggle for all people who are not completely straight. for those of us who are definitely gay or mostly gay, we go through this struggle and find it a thousand times more tortuous than someone who is mostly straight and just examining their queer side.
let's see, the first woman who came out to me as "bisexual" still identifies as bisexual, but currently dates a man. the next is married to a man with two children. the third dates men but i suspect will still be with a woman from time to time, just probably not a relationship with a woman. the fourth, dated me....i have no idea what she likes now. the fifth, also dated me but seems to lean towards guys, particularly now. the sixth came out as bi, went gay, and is now straight again. oh yeah i dated her too. the seventh, i made out with, told me she had a crush on me once but didn't want to pursue anything....now engaged to a man. the eighth, now identifies as asexual. the ninth dates men but has admitted to possible sociopathic tendencies (in her words: "the therapist told me i don't care who i get sex from, just that i get it") the tenth continues her struggle, comes to me again and again, but has only dated men. the eleventh dates men but has admitted to sleeping with a woman, and wouldn't mind dating one. number twelve is bicurious i have just learned, thirteen is bicurious, made out with me and ran for the hills soon after, and fourteen refuses to identify herself at all.
various women have come out to me as lesbian and still are.
a couple boys came to me questioning their sexuality. they all identify as gay now.
various men have come out as gay and still are.
it's the bisexual, bicurious and unlabeled ones that interest me most. perhaps because they're always so all over the place: fine with their sexuality one minute, afraid the next. then unsure. then lamenting it. then loving it. they are chameleons, they change with the social stimuli around them. they are one thing to some people and other things to other people. and they all come to me. why? half the time i'm the only gay person they know. other times it's because they know i won't judge them.
fourteen women came to me unsure of their sexuality. seven of them are currently in a relationship with a man. nine of them have kissed me. at least seven have admitted to having a crush on me. ten have admitted finding me attractive. none of them have slept with me.
how much of their choice in partner was governed by social norms? where would these women rate themselves on the kinsey scale? and the most important and self centered question: what makes them like me, then not like me, then like me, then not like me again?
it boggles the mind.