Grade Four Greatness
Lately, my life's been a very frustrating sequence of events, yet I cannot let it drag me down. I know what it's like down there; it isn't friendly. It also doesn't lend itself to ascending staircases, upwards escalators; it has a general negative association with anything that constitutes 'going back where you came from.' For that's how pessimistic attitudes work: they take a rotten occurance, extrapolate a rotten attitude from it, and cover every other area of one's life with it(like really tacky 80s wallpaper). But now that I see this, along with that fiendishly friendly 'it's better down here' sign sitting at the top of a very dreary slope, I know to avoid it, and stick to pleasing things and trying to only go 'up.'
I think I'm going skiing on March 17. I think it will be a wonderful opportunity to get to know fellow Christian 'young adults,' as lately I feel alienated from the like. I'm not sure if this is from lack of communication, or general disdain to those I feel like I should be fast friends with. Truth is, I can't find friendship with only a single common ground (faith). I can't rely on this "intangible religious comradery." To me, it doesn't exist. Perhaps my peculiar characteristics bring about these feels of isolation in groups; for all the perplexity, I ultimately know that it is my doing. I don't blame them for not being like me and vice versa. That's a sad state to be in, and it is indirectly judgemental of those who deserver none from me.
Anyways, I think that skiing will be a wonderful distraction--a chance to venture off on a whim (yes a whim...even though I know the date)--a distraction from all the lovely people I'm forced to demote in my mind to sentient being status while I try not to let them climb above cloud 9. You know the people: these angels among us who seem to elevate the very ground the walk on. They're wonderfully attractive and they know it; and it almost seems a game through a 2-way-mirror (is that the correct term?) They don't know about it, but I sure feel like I'm playing it.
I asked a lady out this afternoon, and though what response I got was definitely not an unequivocal yes, I felt encouraged, because there seemed a general agreement that further contact was in order. But she's something; and I know nothing about her, yet I can tell that it would be dear to my heart. I see her at her worst, and her at mine (work), yet somehow this has not deterred. Her hair flowed like a silk, and her eyes shone like the moonlight. Her countenance was humble, and so immediately attractive. A most deserved candidate I feel not, and yet somehow...I am encouraged--a remarkable feeling at this stage. And I know not the future, yet do not wish hastiness. I can wait, forever if it is not to be. This is the most healthy kind of attraction, for I feel bound, but free. (that's a pretty cheap metaphor, so bite me:))
I gotta sleep; but I think I may write something for piano. It must be simple, and most assuredly beautiful, for I cannot think of something more genuinely attractive than divine inspiration.
I think I'm going skiing on March 17. I think it will be a wonderful opportunity to get to know fellow Christian 'young adults,' as lately I feel alienated from the like. I'm not sure if this is from lack of communication, or general disdain to those I feel like I should be fast friends with. Truth is, I can't find friendship with only a single common ground (faith). I can't rely on this "intangible religious comradery." To me, it doesn't exist. Perhaps my peculiar characteristics bring about these feels of isolation in groups; for all the perplexity, I ultimately know that it is my doing. I don't blame them for not being like me and vice versa. That's a sad state to be in, and it is indirectly judgemental of those who deserver none from me.
Anyways, I think that skiing will be a wonderful distraction--a chance to venture off on a whim (yes a whim...even though I know the date)--a distraction from all the lovely people I'm forced to demote in my mind to sentient being status while I try not to let them climb above cloud 9. You know the people: these angels among us who seem to elevate the very ground the walk on. They're wonderfully attractive and they know it; and it almost seems a game through a 2-way-mirror (is that the correct term?) They don't know about it, but I sure feel like I'm playing it.
I asked a lady out this afternoon, and though what response I got was definitely not an unequivocal yes, I felt encouraged, because there seemed a general agreement that further contact was in order. But she's something; and I know nothing about her, yet I can tell that it would be dear to my heart. I see her at her worst, and her at mine (work), yet somehow this has not deterred. Her hair flowed like a silk, and her eyes shone like the moonlight. Her countenance was humble, and so immediately attractive. A most deserved candidate I feel not, and yet somehow...I am encouraged--a remarkable feeling at this stage. And I know not the future, yet do not wish hastiness. I can wait, forever if it is not to be. This is the most healthy kind of attraction, for I feel bound, but free. (that's a pretty cheap metaphor, so bite me:))
I gotta sleep; but I think I may write something for piano. It must be simple, and most assuredly beautiful, for I cannot think of something more genuinely attractive than divine inspiration.