Hotel Fight
Title: Hotel Fight
Author: Viv
Genre: humor, light fluff
Rating: PG-13, almost R-ish
Fandom: Simple Plan [music - band]
Pairing: Sebastien/David
Disclaimer: I'm French-Canadian too, does that count?
Summary: “SEBBY-POO WANTS TO RAPE ME!” Plotless. Script-like. Complete nonsense. Bordering on crack-fic. Takes place in a hotel. On tour. Patrick being obnoxious and loud. Chuck and Jeff being pissed. Pierre being confused. David being David. Poor Sebastien. [standalone]
Dedications: kathybates, for thinking I’ve fallen off he face of the earth due to my much too long unofficial Simple Plan slash hiatus - you’ll always be my only Seb - and to teenbeatmodel - our darling mod. Oh and spurnd and calloutgouranga too, because I haven't talked to them in a while.
(Sebastien is pissed.
He’s pissed because he doesn’t know what to do, obviously. He’s possibly in trouble. And of course, everyone else is completely oblivious to his inner self turning helplessly emo.
Gah! I’m NOT turning emo! Being emo is- is- is- Chris Carraba’s job!
You see, about five minutes ago Sebastien was quietly moping by himself. Now, he is-)
“- GAY!”
(- fighting with Patrick, their resident bastard of a web and merch chimp. Baboon. Dude. Guy. Whatever.)
“I’M NOT GAY!”
(Why? Because Sebastien is trying to get Patrick to shut up about the fact that he’s-)
“- IN LOVE WITH DAVID!”
(- or he’ll skin the fucker alive.)
“AM NOT!”
“ARE TOO!”
“FUCK YOU!”
“YOU’RE NOT STICKING ANYTHING IN MY ASS!”
“DAMMIT SCREW YOU PATRICK!”
“JEFF! SEBBY-POO WANTS TO RAPE ME!”
“I don’t know you. I just happened to have been coincidentally assigned to the same room then you.” (Jeff looks up at the ceiling and refuses to look at the pair.)
“JEFF! SAVE ME! SEBABY WANTS TO DO NAUGHTY GAY THINGS TO MY ASS!”
“… that was a very disturbing thing to say, dude.”
“SHUT UP MONKEY-BUTT!” (Poor Sebastien is chasing Patrick around the hotel room.)
“SOMEBODY SAVE ME! CHUCK! CHUCK! SEB’S SEXUALLY FRUSTRASTED AND HE’S TAKING IT OUT ON ME!”
“… Patrick, I don’t think Seb’s that desperate.” (Chuck sighs and shakes his head.)
“PATRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK! GET BACK HERE, FUCKER!” (At this point, little Seb is- well, he’s actually still chasing Patrick around the room. Seb’s eyebrow is also twitching.)
“PIERRE! PIE! HELP ME HERE! SEB WANTS ME TO FUCK HIM!” (Pierre blinks at the hysterical Patrick running around the room before clearing his throat.)
“… I thought he was the one who wanted to do the fucking, Pat.”
“PAAATRIIIIIIIIIIIICK! CRISSE D’TROU-DE-CUUUUUL!” [FRIGGIN’ ASSHOOOOOLE!] (Ah, praise the poor Patrick for still being able to evade the blue-eyed guitarist’s wrath!)
“NO!” - Pat shrieks - “STAY AWAY FROM- DAVIIIIIIIIIID!”
(David?
Oh godammit noooooo.)
“Hi! What’s going on here?” (… David seems completely oblivious to the situation even though Seb and Pat were screaming/shrieking bloody murder loud enough for the couple in the room at the end of the hall to almost pick up the phone and dial 911. But then they remembered who was shrieking - Patrick, of course - and thought it’d be better for this lunatic to be taken care of by his friends. Really, there was no need for more victims.)
“SEBASTIEN’S GAY!” (At that moment, the poor baby of the group turns as red as a ripe tomato and so brightly so that his face and ears would probably glow if the lights were turned off.)
“Anything else?” (David is still seemingly - and adorably - oblivious. He grins sweetly at his bandmates.)
“LEFEBVRE’S IN LOVE WITH YOU!”
“Is that so?” (Everyone sees pretty sparkles around the bassist who sends out a random bright smile.)
(Sebastien Lefebvre, 23 years old, French-Canadian, guitarist, back-up vocalist and blue-eyed cutie in punk/pop band Simple Plan, tripped over a luggage, smacked his forehead against the wall, wobbled back and forth, and kissed the carpeted floor.)
(... And then promptly fainted.)
“I think he just fainted.” (David grins brightly before bending down and grabbing his friend’s ankles. He drags the unconscious kid out of the room while the others look on, eyes wide in fascination at the blue-purplish bump forming on Seb’s forehead.)
Patrick freezes: “I wonder where he’s taking Seb… OW!” (Jeff’s fist lands on his hand.)
“You shouldn’t have been so loud.”
“I was merely expressing Seb’s thoughts aloud.”
“We could’ve done without hearing it.”
Chuck approaches them, (not the least amused,) and glares at Patrick: “You think David heard?”
Patrick shrugs: “It was about time he knew about it. Seb’s been moping around over his feelings for Davey-boy for the past what, two months now? And that was when he finally realized he was hopelessly-head-over-heels in love with the dude.”
“You think he heard but pretended not too and is actually mad? And that he took Sebastien away to torture him without any witnesses around?”
“Hey, he who cannot handle the truth just can’t… um, face the truth.”
Jeff lifts an eyebrow at his friends: “You basically just repeated yourself.”
“What are you talking ab- oh wait, yeah, I did.” (Patrick smiles sheepishly.)
(At which point Charles and Jeff both sigh, completely exasperated with the dirty-blond guy’s attitude.)
“Hey buddies?” (All turn too look at Pierre - oh right, he’s there too. Seems everyone had forgotten Pie-boy in all the commotion.) “I don’t get it. Can we rewind here? I thought Patrick said that Sebastien was in love with David and that he was sexually frustrated and so he wanted Seb to fuck Patrick and then Patrick said he was gay but Seb denied it but then he changed his mind and wanted Patrick to fuck him but then in reality Seb’s actually in love with Dav- oh! Now I get it.” (Pierre takes in a deep breath.)
…
(And everyone gapes at him, sweatdropping and completely lost.)
Chuck, Jeff and Patrick, together: “Uh?”
“Um…” (Pierre replays what he’s just says in his mind… and realizes halfway through that he just confused himself too. Result: his brain fizzle and a vein visibly pops - he passes out.)
“…” Patrick bends down and hovers over the singer, “you think he’s okay?”
Jeff blinks: “I wonder how much it’ll affect him to lose a vein in his brain.”
“Wait,” Chuck’s lips tighten in a thin line, “since when does Pierre have a brain anyway?”
Jeff blinks again and looks at Patrick: “He’ll be fine. In his standards, that is.”
- - -
“…”
“Sebby.”
“…”
“Sebby-poo.”
“…”
“Sebby-sexy.”
“… mmm?” (Sebastien’s pretty blue eyes finally flutters open.)
“Ah, finally awake, hot stuff.” (David is straddling his band mate on a bed, his face hovering very close to Seb’s.”
“… !” (Blue orbs widen dramatically.)
“You made me wait, you know?” (Winks. Oh. Pretty eyelashes. Pretty eyes, thinks Seb.)
“… ?”
“Tsk, tsk, really baby. Don’t look so dazed.” (David lifts a thin eyebrow.)
“… I’m sorry?” (Squeaky voice.)
Whisper: “You should be.” (David leans even closer.)
“T’es-tu fâché?” [Are you mad?] (Voice still squeaky.)
“Should I be?” and into Seb’s ear, “You made me wait.” (Seb shivers at the warm breath on his ear.)
“You’re not mad that they, you know, they found out?” (Seb’s squeaky voice’s pitch rises a notch.)
(Cue to Seb who shudders as David flicks his tongue over his Seb’s ear. Seems like Sebastien’s voice his not the only thing rising.)
“I’m more mad over the fact that you’ve made me wait here for quite a while.” (David backs away before gracefully pressing down on Seb and lightly thrusting into him.)
(Seb whimpers, something rises higher, and poor boy blushes and squirm. Small wicked smirk on David’s lips.)
“I- I- it was Patrick’s fault.”
(David freezes.)
“Don’t mention his name! You’re gonna break the mood!” (David scowls.)
“… Je m’excuse.” [I’m sorry.] (Seb looks away, still blushing. David sighs.)
“Sébastien,” David gently grabs his bandmate’s chin and lifts his face to him, “it’s our five months anniversary and you’d rather spend it arguing with tat dimwit than spend it… you know, juste nous deux, tout seuls?” [just the two of us, all alone?]
“But- but Patrick, he-” (David silences nervous Seb by licking his lips - Seb’s lips, that is.)
“I understand. Your feelings for me are just so strong that you’re completely unable to hide them. Plus, we’ve been on tour for two months and had barely had any real time together alone so of course you’d get depressed over that. And oh yeah, t’es un acteur vraiment poche en plus.” [you’re a really shitty actor too.]
(Sebastien pouts and looks down. Meanwhile, that thing is still up.)
“So for that I’ll forgive you.” (Soft smile. Seb nuzzles the hand that is caressing his cheek.)
“… Can we, um, do it now?” (Seb blushes brightly and fidgets under David.)
“Silly boy. What kind of question is that?” (David presses their foreheads together.)
(… and Sebastien suddenly realizes that his t-shirt his already halfway bunched up and revealing more than just his stomach and that his jeans are open and revealing a buldge under his dark boxers.)
“Happy five months, love.” (David gives his boyfriend a light kiss.)
“I love you.” (Sebastien tangles his fingers in David’s hair.)
“Je t’aime aussi.” [I love you too.] (David draws patterns on Seb’s stomach before gliding his hands up to his lover’s still covered chest and- )
(Sebastien flushes and squeals.)
---
December 22, 2005
Author: Viv
Genre: humor, light fluff
Rating: PG-13, almost R-ish
Fandom: Simple Plan [music - band]
Pairing: Sebastien/David
Disclaimer: I'm French-Canadian too, does that count?
Summary: “SEBBY-POO WANTS TO RAPE ME!” Plotless. Script-like. Complete nonsense. Bordering on crack-fic. Takes place in a hotel. On tour. Patrick being obnoxious and loud. Chuck and Jeff being pissed. Pierre being confused. David being David. Poor Sebastien. [standalone]
Dedications: kathybates, for thinking I’ve fallen off he face of the earth due to my much too long unofficial Simple Plan slash hiatus - you’ll always be my only Seb - and to teenbeatmodel - our darling mod. Oh and spurnd and calloutgouranga too, because I haven't talked to them in a while.
(Sebastien is pissed.
He’s pissed because he doesn’t know what to do, obviously. He’s possibly in trouble. And of course, everyone else is completely oblivious to his inner self turning helplessly emo.
Gah! I’m NOT turning emo! Being emo is- is- is- Chris Carraba’s job!
You see, about five minutes ago Sebastien was quietly moping by himself. Now, he is-)
“- GAY!”
(- fighting with Patrick, their resident bastard of a web and merch chimp. Baboon. Dude. Guy. Whatever.)
“I’M NOT GAY!”
(Why? Because Sebastien is trying to get Patrick to shut up about the fact that he’s-)
“- IN LOVE WITH DAVID!”
(- or he’ll skin the fucker alive.)
“AM NOT!”
“ARE TOO!”
“FUCK YOU!”
“YOU’RE NOT STICKING ANYTHING IN MY ASS!”
“DAMMIT SCREW YOU PATRICK!”
“JEFF! SEBBY-POO WANTS TO RAPE ME!”
“I don’t know you. I just happened to have been coincidentally assigned to the same room then you.” (Jeff looks up at the ceiling and refuses to look at the pair.)
“JEFF! SAVE ME! SEBABY WANTS TO DO NAUGHTY GAY THINGS TO MY ASS!”
“… that was a very disturbing thing to say, dude.”
“SHUT UP MONKEY-BUTT!” (Poor Sebastien is chasing Patrick around the hotel room.)
“SOMEBODY SAVE ME! CHUCK! CHUCK! SEB’S SEXUALLY FRUSTRASTED AND HE’S TAKING IT OUT ON ME!”
“… Patrick, I don’t think Seb’s that desperate.” (Chuck sighs and shakes his head.)
“PATRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK! GET BACK HERE, FUCKER!” (At this point, little Seb is- well, he’s actually still chasing Patrick around the room. Seb’s eyebrow is also twitching.)
“PIERRE! PIE! HELP ME HERE! SEB WANTS ME TO FUCK HIM!” (Pierre blinks at the hysterical Patrick running around the room before clearing his throat.)
“… I thought he was the one who wanted to do the fucking, Pat.”
“PAAATRIIIIIIIIIIIICK! CRISSE D’TROU-DE-CUUUUUL!” [FRIGGIN’ ASSHOOOOOLE!] (Ah, praise the poor Patrick for still being able to evade the blue-eyed guitarist’s wrath!)
“NO!” - Pat shrieks - “STAY AWAY FROM- DAVIIIIIIIIIID!”
(David?
Oh godammit noooooo.)
“Hi! What’s going on here?” (… David seems completely oblivious to the situation even though Seb and Pat were screaming/shrieking bloody murder loud enough for the couple in the room at the end of the hall to almost pick up the phone and dial 911. But then they remembered who was shrieking - Patrick, of course - and thought it’d be better for this lunatic to be taken care of by his friends. Really, there was no need for more victims.)
“SEBASTIEN’S GAY!” (At that moment, the poor baby of the group turns as red as a ripe tomato and so brightly so that his face and ears would probably glow if the lights were turned off.)
“Anything else?” (David is still seemingly - and adorably - oblivious. He grins sweetly at his bandmates.)
“LEFEBVRE’S IN LOVE WITH YOU!”
“Is that so?” (Everyone sees pretty sparkles around the bassist who sends out a random bright smile.)
(Sebastien Lefebvre, 23 years old, French-Canadian, guitarist, back-up vocalist and blue-eyed cutie in punk/pop band Simple Plan, tripped over a luggage, smacked his forehead against the wall, wobbled back and forth, and kissed the carpeted floor.)
(... And then promptly fainted.)
“I think he just fainted.” (David grins brightly before bending down and grabbing his friend’s ankles. He drags the unconscious kid out of the room while the others look on, eyes wide in fascination at the blue-purplish bump forming on Seb’s forehead.)
Patrick freezes: “I wonder where he’s taking Seb… OW!” (Jeff’s fist lands on his hand.)
“You shouldn’t have been so loud.”
“I was merely expressing Seb’s thoughts aloud.”
“We could’ve done without hearing it.”
Chuck approaches them, (not the least amused,) and glares at Patrick: “You think David heard?”
Patrick shrugs: “It was about time he knew about it. Seb’s been moping around over his feelings for Davey-boy for the past what, two months now? And that was when he finally realized he was hopelessly-head-over-heels in love with the dude.”
“You think he heard but pretended not too and is actually mad? And that he took Sebastien away to torture him without any witnesses around?”
“Hey, he who cannot handle the truth just can’t… um, face the truth.”
Jeff lifts an eyebrow at his friends: “You basically just repeated yourself.”
“What are you talking ab- oh wait, yeah, I did.” (Patrick smiles sheepishly.)
(At which point Charles and Jeff both sigh, completely exasperated with the dirty-blond guy’s attitude.)
“Hey buddies?” (All turn too look at Pierre - oh right, he’s there too. Seems everyone had forgotten Pie-boy in all the commotion.) “I don’t get it. Can we rewind here? I thought Patrick said that Sebastien was in love with David and that he was sexually frustrated and so he wanted Seb to fuck Patrick and then Patrick said he was gay but Seb denied it but then he changed his mind and wanted Patrick to fuck him but then in reality Seb’s actually in love with Dav- oh! Now I get it.” (Pierre takes in a deep breath.)
…
(And everyone gapes at him, sweatdropping and completely lost.)
Chuck, Jeff and Patrick, together: “Uh?”
“Um…” (Pierre replays what he’s just says in his mind… and realizes halfway through that he just confused himself too. Result: his brain fizzle and a vein visibly pops - he passes out.)
“…” Patrick bends down and hovers over the singer, “you think he’s okay?”
Jeff blinks: “I wonder how much it’ll affect him to lose a vein in his brain.”
“Wait,” Chuck’s lips tighten in a thin line, “since when does Pierre have a brain anyway?”
Jeff blinks again and looks at Patrick: “He’ll be fine. In his standards, that is.”
- - -
“…”
“Sebby.”
“…”
“Sebby-poo.”
“…”
“Sebby-sexy.”
“… mmm?” (Sebastien’s pretty blue eyes finally flutters open.)
“Ah, finally awake, hot stuff.” (David is straddling his band mate on a bed, his face hovering very close to Seb’s.”
“… !” (Blue orbs widen dramatically.)
“You made me wait, you know?” (Winks. Oh. Pretty eyelashes. Pretty eyes, thinks Seb.)
“… ?”
“Tsk, tsk, really baby. Don’t look so dazed.” (David lifts a thin eyebrow.)
“… I’m sorry?” (Squeaky voice.)
Whisper: “You should be.” (David leans even closer.)
“T’es-tu fâché?” [Are you mad?] (Voice still squeaky.)
“Should I be?” and into Seb’s ear, “You made me wait.” (Seb shivers at the warm breath on his ear.)
“You’re not mad that they, you know, they found out?” (Seb’s squeaky voice’s pitch rises a notch.)
(Cue to Seb who shudders as David flicks his tongue over his Seb’s ear. Seems like Sebastien’s voice his not the only thing rising.)
“I’m more mad over the fact that you’ve made me wait here for quite a while.” (David backs away before gracefully pressing down on Seb and lightly thrusting into him.)
(Seb whimpers, something rises higher, and poor boy blushes and squirm. Small wicked smirk on David’s lips.)
“I- I- it was Patrick’s fault.”
(David freezes.)
“Don’t mention his name! You’re gonna break the mood!” (David scowls.)
“… Je m’excuse.” [I’m sorry.] (Seb looks away, still blushing. David sighs.)
“Sébastien,” David gently grabs his bandmate’s chin and lifts his face to him, “it’s our five months anniversary and you’d rather spend it arguing with tat dimwit than spend it… you know, juste nous deux, tout seuls?” [just the two of us, all alone?]
“But- but Patrick, he-” (David silences nervous Seb by licking his lips - Seb’s lips, that is.)
“I understand. Your feelings for me are just so strong that you’re completely unable to hide them. Plus, we’ve been on tour for two months and had barely had any real time together alone so of course you’d get depressed over that. And oh yeah, t’es un acteur vraiment poche en plus.” [you’re a really shitty actor too.]
(Sebastien pouts and looks down. Meanwhile, that thing is still up.)
“So for that I’ll forgive you.” (Soft smile. Seb nuzzles the hand that is caressing his cheek.)
“… Can we, um, do it now?” (Seb blushes brightly and fidgets under David.)
“Silly boy. What kind of question is that?” (David presses their foreheads together.)
(… and Sebastien suddenly realizes that his t-shirt his already halfway bunched up and revealing more than just his stomach and that his jeans are open and revealing a buldge under his dark boxers.)
“Happy five months, love.” (David gives his boyfriend a light kiss.)
“I love you.” (Sebastien tangles his fingers in David’s hair.)
“Je t’aime aussi.” [I love you too.] (David draws patterns on Seb’s stomach before gliding his hands up to his lover’s still covered chest and- )
(Sebastien flushes and squeals.)
---
December 22, 2005