It's okay to not hold the baby, right?

[pilar_zuazo]

I'm the same person from the Nephew Vacation Ruiner post and I now love this site. I've spent the last few days reading everything posted. It's refreshing to see so many like-minded people

Comments

[sparowe]

I don't deal with this much at work (I'm at a gov't contractor, so bringing in a kid isn't a regular occurrence), but Church and social settings seem to be another story entirely. No matter how politely I try to refuse, say that I'm not comfortable, whatever, it doesn't matter. "Well, you need to learn sometime", "It'll be fine", or some variation on how holding said kid will wake my maternal instincts. (For the record, I'm 39. Even if I wanted children, I'd be less than comfortable starting now. And I've known for at least eight years that I do not.)

What has this earned me so far? Nearly dropping one very strong kid who was learning to stand and tried to push off of my lap... me feeding a baby and having her fuss because I didn't know how to encourage her properly (or something)... I honestly can't think of one good experience. It's funny how not wanting to hold kids is like not wanting them at all--you have to sell yourself as horrible, or with horrible reasons, for why you don't want to. "No, thank you" is never good

[pilar_zuazo]

My parents are still religious even thought us kids have become rather secular. We're Irish/Italian so kids, procreating, and family have a large center in their lives, and ours as children. My fiance and I agreed to meet with our Father at my parents request for premarital counseling since we'll be getting married in our family's church. We arrived a little early and there was a Ladies Societal meeting going on so we sat in the back and waited

[sparowe]

I'm sorry you had that experience. :( Depending upon the denomination, there is often pressure for those values... or a lack of a place for the single person within the church--which is a conversation for a different comm, entirely. I do want to note that it was not my pastor forcing the issue, nor any of the elders. We are blessed with good leadership. It's actually some of the older ladies, who are very traditional. But to be fair to them, there was a lady who retired from work a few years ago that noted that I had "good hips for childbearing" (who says that?), so it's definitely not exclusive to my congregation or something. ;)

[pilar_zuazo]

My granny says that all the time. And strictly speaking, I am built to be a good broodmare. After a minor car accident a few years ago my doctor did a bone work check on me since osteoporosis runs in my family and he was worried my bones may have been compromised and he told me that my pelvic region was built perfectly for shoving a head out. So he started going on and on until he read the rest of my file and noted that I have in place an IUD. And my gyno says my female organs are gorgeous. Actually said my uterus et al are beautiful. Nice thick walls, perfect rosy cervix, and two kickin' ovaries.

Great, take 'em and give 'em to the lowest bidder.

[chocolate_frapp]

this is one of about 237 reasons I'm an atheist.
re: being asked to hold babies: I have a lot of "colds".