SO over this...
I've never been the kind to coo over babies, I rarely played with baby dolls as a kid, I never babysat as a teenager, kids on an airplane make me almost homicidal and I think pregnancy and childbirth are two of the most disgusting things imaginable. I also generally like animals more than kids. On the flip side, I always thought it would be fun to teach a kid, read it bedtimes stories and take it to the zoo. I have a teenage cousin I'm very fond of who looks up to me and I go out of my way to spend time with her. I thought it would be nice to have someone to leave my house and jewelry to when I die, instead of letting it all get scattered to the four winds. I always thought I'd be happy with or without kids and was content to just live life and see how it all played out.
Fast forward to now and I'm married to a high school teacher who "always imagined being a dad." He loves kids and always wanted them. Two years into our marriage, we decided to try for a baby, only to discover that I was rapidly descending into infertility. That was in 2011. To date, we've blown $25k on three intra-uterine inseminations and taken two cross-country trips to the #1 clinic in the country in preparation for in vitro that never happened (because my condition was THAT far gone). I've suffered through over 100 hormone injections, countless vaginal ultrasounds, two hysteroscopies and a D&C. The only options left are to use a donor egg or adopt. I'll turn 40 this year. I've told my husband I'm tired of being a pincushion, I'm worried about my health and at this point, I really don't even want to put myself through the strain of pregnancy either. My last blood test showed elevated platelets from the estrogen, we're looking at another $17,000 out of pocket (though it has a money-back guarantee) and it wouldn't even be my genetic child. Hubby says he's fine with that decision and he's tired of seeing me miserable, so we've turned our focus to adoption. Looking at those sites, I'm not any more encouraged. Nearly all of these children are older and/or have special needs, it's even more expensive than donor egg pregnancy and I'm reading horror stories about adoptive parents who uncovered deep psychological and developmental problems in their adopted kids that they're now stuck with. Out of the four adoptive couples I know personally, three have had one or more problem children they've acquired through adoption, both domestic and foreign.
Truth is, at this point, I would be THRILLED to enjoy the rest of my life child-free. I love my dog, my books and my quiet time. I decided that when I croak, I'd actually feel ok if all my estate went to help animals. I've traveled the world, but I still have a lot on my bucket list; I'm even thinking about going back to school and reinventing a totally new career. I have lots of hobbies and I'm never bored. I also suffered a lot of personal losses between 25 and 35 and now that things have settled down a bit, I'm reluctant to upend that peace with dirty diapers, snotty noses, 2 o'clock feedings, college tuition and the endless chauffeuring that would likely extend well into our 50s. Every time I think of putting out $20-40k for adoption, I calculate in my head how many trips to Europe we could take with that money. The problem is my husband; I love him bunches and I don't want him to turn 60 and look back with regret that we didn't acquire a child. When he talks about the possibility of not having children, he uses phrases like "I'll get over it" - which doesn't make me feel any better. He once said that he felt his life "would be a waste" if he didn't have children. He retracted the statement later, but I was kind of horrified by it. When I've mentioned that we could just travel and have adventures instead, he gets irritated and says that he doesn't like when I juxtapose the two as if they are mutually exclusive (which, to an extent, they are).
Advice? Comments? Suggestions? I would welcome any and all.
Fast forward to now and I'm married to a high school teacher who "always imagined being a dad." He loves kids and always wanted them. Two years into our marriage, we decided to try for a baby, only to discover that I was rapidly descending into infertility. That was in 2011. To date, we've blown $25k on three intra-uterine inseminations and taken two cross-country trips to the #1 clinic in the country in preparation for in vitro that never happened (because my condition was THAT far gone). I've suffered through over 100 hormone injections, countless vaginal ultrasounds, two hysteroscopies and a D&C. The only options left are to use a donor egg or adopt. I'll turn 40 this year. I've told my husband I'm tired of being a pincushion, I'm worried about my health and at this point, I really don't even want to put myself through the strain of pregnancy either. My last blood test showed elevated platelets from the estrogen, we're looking at another $17,000 out of pocket (though it has a money-back guarantee) and it wouldn't even be my genetic child. Hubby says he's fine with that decision and he's tired of seeing me miserable, so we've turned our focus to adoption. Looking at those sites, I'm not any more encouraged. Nearly all of these children are older and/or have special needs, it's even more expensive than donor egg pregnancy and I'm reading horror stories about adoptive parents who uncovered deep psychological and developmental problems in their adopted kids that they're now stuck with. Out of the four adoptive couples I know personally, three have had one or more problem children they've acquired through adoption, both domestic and foreign.
Truth is, at this point, I would be THRILLED to enjoy the rest of my life child-free. I love my dog, my books and my quiet time. I decided that when I croak, I'd actually feel ok if all my estate went to help animals. I've traveled the world, but I still have a lot on my bucket list; I'm even thinking about going back to school and reinventing a totally new career. I have lots of hobbies and I'm never bored. I also suffered a lot of personal losses between 25 and 35 and now that things have settled down a bit, I'm reluctant to upend that peace with dirty diapers, snotty noses, 2 o'clock feedings, college tuition and the endless chauffeuring that would likely extend well into our 50s. Every time I think of putting out $20-40k for adoption, I calculate in my head how many trips to Europe we could take with that money. The problem is my husband; I love him bunches and I don't want him to turn 60 and look back with regret that we didn't acquire a child. When he talks about the possibility of not having children, he uses phrases like "I'll get over it" - which doesn't make me feel any better. He once said that he felt his life "would be a waste" if he didn't have children. He retracted the statement later, but I was kind of horrified by it. When I've mentioned that we could just travel and have adventures instead, he gets irritated and says that he doesn't like when I juxtapose the two as if they are mutually exclusive (which, to an extent, they are).
Advice? Comments? Suggestions? I would welcome any and all.