Woke up upside down again...
...not really sure how to feel about this occurring all the time. I'm not even sure how I got the beach, really. All I really remember was sitting in the bar in Booty Bay after everyone had gone and replaying the sight of the tiniest smile that I almost saw on a friend's face in my head. If I can get that man to remember how it feels to enjoy a night then maybe I'm not doing things too wrong. I have no expectations of reciprocation nor do I believe I will allow myself to feel so intensely for some one or some thing, that I loose sight of what I was created to do. I wandered around the Stranglethorn area this morning, thinking of the last time I was here, and who I was with. When it all happened I told myself that I wasn't going to come back here, after what happened, but then again it seems more and more that I really can't predict what I'll do too far in advance. Sometimes not even to the next sentence I'm about to say. Focus, Mati, focus...
Slaughtering in on my schedule for the rest of today, followed by some intense records digging in the Undercity. I keep thinking that if I can find out who and or what is after my Mentor, perhaps I can redeem myself in his eyes. Though, my mind has been strangely clear and emotions on simmer after the few drinks I had. Can't be just the booze... though who am I to question this clarity? Still need to find a priest to cleanse this arm and mend the Shadow there or at least teach me how to do it myself. Self-sufficiency above all else is still my main goal.
Not sure what I'm going to do about the situation from the other night involving the Doctor and the Paladin, though I am of the opinion that no action may be the best action. I need to get my Shadow untangled from his if I am going to make it, that much is sure. Perhaps I will call upon Avaritia again to help me drain my emotions through stone, cold bitchery.
Even though I can feel him when I close my eyes and reach out, I still miss Arland. Focus, Mati, focus...
Slaughtering in on my schedule for the rest of today, followed by some intense records digging in the Undercity. I keep thinking that if I can find out who and or what is after my Mentor, perhaps I can redeem myself in his eyes. Though, my mind has been strangely clear and emotions on simmer after the few drinks I had. Can't be just the booze... though who am I to question this clarity? Still need to find a priest to cleanse this arm and mend the Shadow there or at least teach me how to do it myself. Self-sufficiency above all else is still my main goal.
Not sure what I'm going to do about the situation from the other night involving the Doctor and the Paladin, though I am of the opinion that no action may be the best action. I need to get my Shadow untangled from his if I am going to make it, that much is sure. Perhaps I will call upon Avaritia again to help me drain my emotions through stone, cold bitchery.
Even though I can feel him when I close my eyes and reach out, I still miss Arland. Focus, Mati, focus...