(no subject)
Anthony is HOT...I wonder if he wears contacts. I have never seen such eyes...OMG not only his eyes. Man whore my ass! I don't care, I still things he's fine. Robert, both Anthonys, and OMG Edward...cuban...pretty cool. Chris isn't as bad as G said...Fuck either is Tony. Pretty hot for 16.
I love working with John. The little sign language I know helps. He didn't know I signed for 2 days. I explained to him...IN SIGN...that Georgia has been teaching me. I can see working here for a while.
The hours are way too long, and I get tired, but I'm starting to get used to it. And the people definately make up for it. I think it's funny how you can pick a gay guy out just like that...I mean...I wonder if it's always that obvious.
So Mrs. Gorman is coming back. Atleast, her name is on the list. I like her. But I'll probably have Wright. Her class is easy. But I didn't learn anything. I hope I get good grades. If I get anything lower than a B I'm going to quit my job. That's the deal I'm mkaing with myself. Mom said she'd support w/e I decided to do.
Evs been a dick lately. All because he's 'in love' with Theresa. He is going down to see her. I wonder if he really likes her or if he's just doing it to get some. I thought it was just to get some...because he was still bugging me...that was until last night when I spent the night there. He didn't even acknowledge me. Good sign so far.
So Richard's brother died in a car accident. He came back to work today. Georgia and I made him a blanket. He's still really upset about it and had to leave early. Joel is doing okay though. He almost seemed completely normal. People grieve in different ways I suppose.
I talked to Naomi about John. She didn't freak out. I haven't talked to him about it yet though. Ooops. He finally got home last night, but I was at Georgia's so I didn't get a chance to call him.
Her mom has been so much better. Like she's enjoyable to have around. It's weird how things can change.
Mom just got home from Yakima. I missed her so much. I hope she's not mad that I went to Georgia's. As she said on the phone when she talked to Bri. "When the cat's gone, the mouse plays." I hope she isn't too mad and lets me explain that I got permission from Denny and I organized everything.
Erg I'm not tired yet. I'm trying to come off of using my medicine to help me sleep...so now I'm not getting any sleep any more. I dont' know what to do. Plus I'm sick. URG. I totally lost my voice at work the other day, it was so embarrassing. I would go to say something and my voice would crack.
50 Cent isn't that bad.
I wish Georgia coulda spent the night at my house. I'm so lonely!!! And nobody is online to talk to. Dad never called me back so I didn't get to do anything with him. I wonder if he just forgot. I talked to Sydney briefly. It's so hard not to hurt when talking to her. I wish I could completely forget. I don't know what I wish...I want to be a part of their life, but every time I try, it hurts to bad so I back out. I don't think there's any way that I can make the pain go away. Because being a part of the life...won't be the same as it was...and will still be...I don't know how to explain it. It feels so weird not even recognizing my own dad...I feel weird hugging him. And yet when I leave work...I can give Anthony a hug...a complete stranger. But I can't hug my dad? The other thing...I stop at Georgia's between work at Summit and Casino...to get some sleep. I layed down on the couch. He was sleeping underneath it on the floor. He woke up...I was almost asleep...I kept my eyes closed. He got up went and got me a blanket...covered me up...and propped my head up on a pillow. I dont' know why...but I miss having a dad. Denny is wonderful and everything...but it's not the same. I miss the dad that was there for me when Iw as sick. Put his hand on my fourhead when I threw up. Gave me a massage at night when I was sore. Brought me to work with him. surprised me and brought home a movie every once in a while. OMG some of the memories...
hiking...hot tubs...counting shooting stars. Picking blueberries. Peanut m&ms. Fudge. Working in the woodshop. Posing for his clay models.
Every time I talk to any of them. I remember. I would do anything to have just a little of that back. I can't help it.
It's weird to see my dad with another baby. It wouldnt' be so hard if I was still a part of his life. That movie...Are we there yet...the two little kids escape to see there dad...see why he doesn't go back to their mom...they see him kiss his new wife and his new baby...It was the saddest thing. My dad has a whole different family. I wonder if he even thinks of us. I miss him so much. I hate him for it. Why can't he make it better. I can't help feeling that it's his fault why I hurt so badly. But then I feel like it's all my fault. I feel like he died. Like I'm never going to see him again.
It's driving me crazy. Calling him to talk to him doesn't do anything. There's no solution. Seeing him makes it hurt more. Because I can't have him back...I can't have what I want. I can go over there...as a guest. It'll never be my home.
What do I do? How do I make it go away?
I have to try to get some sleep.
I love working with John. The little sign language I know helps. He didn't know I signed for 2 days. I explained to him...IN SIGN...that Georgia has been teaching me. I can see working here for a while.
The hours are way too long, and I get tired, but I'm starting to get used to it. And the people definately make up for it. I think it's funny how you can pick a gay guy out just like that...I mean...I wonder if it's always that obvious.
So Mrs. Gorman is coming back. Atleast, her name is on the list. I like her. But I'll probably have Wright. Her class is easy. But I didn't learn anything. I hope I get good grades. If I get anything lower than a B I'm going to quit my job. That's the deal I'm mkaing with myself. Mom said she'd support w/e I decided to do.
Evs been a dick lately. All because he's 'in love' with Theresa. He is going down to see her. I wonder if he really likes her or if he's just doing it to get some. I thought it was just to get some...because he was still bugging me...that was until last night when I spent the night there. He didn't even acknowledge me. Good sign so far.
So Richard's brother died in a car accident. He came back to work today. Georgia and I made him a blanket. He's still really upset about it and had to leave early. Joel is doing okay though. He almost seemed completely normal. People grieve in different ways I suppose.
I talked to Naomi about John. She didn't freak out. I haven't talked to him about it yet though. Ooops. He finally got home last night, but I was at Georgia's so I didn't get a chance to call him.
Her mom has been so much better. Like she's enjoyable to have around. It's weird how things can change.
Mom just got home from Yakima. I missed her so much. I hope she's not mad that I went to Georgia's. As she said on the phone when she talked to Bri. "When the cat's gone, the mouse plays." I hope she isn't too mad and lets me explain that I got permission from Denny and I organized everything.
Erg I'm not tired yet. I'm trying to come off of using my medicine to help me sleep...so now I'm not getting any sleep any more. I dont' know what to do. Plus I'm sick. URG. I totally lost my voice at work the other day, it was so embarrassing. I would go to say something and my voice would crack.
50 Cent isn't that bad.
I wish Georgia coulda spent the night at my house. I'm so lonely!!! And nobody is online to talk to. Dad never called me back so I didn't get to do anything with him. I wonder if he just forgot. I talked to Sydney briefly. It's so hard not to hurt when talking to her. I wish I could completely forget. I don't know what I wish...I want to be a part of their life, but every time I try, it hurts to bad so I back out. I don't think there's any way that I can make the pain go away. Because being a part of the life...won't be the same as it was...and will still be...I don't know how to explain it. It feels so weird not even recognizing my own dad...I feel weird hugging him. And yet when I leave work...I can give Anthony a hug...a complete stranger. But I can't hug my dad? The other thing...I stop at Georgia's between work at Summit and Casino...to get some sleep. I layed down on the couch. He was sleeping underneath it on the floor. He woke up...I was almost asleep...I kept my eyes closed. He got up went and got me a blanket...covered me up...and propped my head up on a pillow. I dont' know why...but I miss having a dad. Denny is wonderful and everything...but it's not the same. I miss the dad that was there for me when Iw as sick. Put his hand on my fourhead when I threw up. Gave me a massage at night when I was sore. Brought me to work with him. surprised me and brought home a movie every once in a while. OMG some of the memories...
hiking...hot tubs...counting shooting stars. Picking blueberries. Peanut m&ms. Fudge. Working in the woodshop. Posing for his clay models.
Every time I talk to any of them. I remember. I would do anything to have just a little of that back. I can't help it.
It's weird to see my dad with another baby. It wouldnt' be so hard if I was still a part of his life. That movie...Are we there yet...the two little kids escape to see there dad...see why he doesn't go back to their mom...they see him kiss his new wife and his new baby...It was the saddest thing. My dad has a whole different family. I wonder if he even thinks of us. I miss him so much. I hate him for it. Why can't he make it better. I can't help feeling that it's his fault why I hurt so badly. But then I feel like it's all my fault. I feel like he died. Like I'm never going to see him again.
It's driving me crazy. Calling him to talk to him doesn't do anything. There's no solution. Seeing him makes it hurt more. Because I can't have him back...I can't have what I want. I can go over there...as a guest. It'll never be my home.
What do I do? How do I make it go away?
I have to try to get some sleep.