(no subject)
it's been awhile since i've felt like writing anything. i have alot of things i could possibly say, i just don't. lately things have been shitty. shittier than usual. car breaks down completely, both roomates lose thier job, my cat gets sick..my job doesn't pay enough...too much tention in the house. can't leave. bills late, house & car got broken into. all that shit. the other day i thought i was going to lose it, seriously. i just want so bad to have a life outside of work and being here. anymore, i feel like sticking my head in a book rather than talking to people. i think i'm bitter because everyone else has better things to do. heh. i don't know. i definately need to find something else to do with my time. not having a car doesn't help my situation at all. there's a ton of people i'd like to see on a regular basis, i just can't. it isn't like i'm deliberately trying to avoid anyone. i don't like being a hermit. it sucks, because i live with 2 people who hate going out and doing things and they generally hate everybody..so they are no encouragement for me. they play yu-gi-oh! all the time. i am amazed at how many hours they spend playing that shit. i am not a card player. the other night i did a tarot reading and i got the devil, the tower, the fool, and 9 of swords all in one reading! i looked down at the pile and just sat in shock. i get no respect. grr. i hate cards. i'd like to start getting serious about my art...i always just say how i want to do it, but i never do. i think i'm damn good, and i'm just letting it go to waste. i'm constantly in somekind of personal turmoil or some other inconvenience that i just put it off. which really instead that anger i have could be used towards my art. sometimes i act so ridiculous. and i wonder why i'm always miserable??? so yeah,,my best friend Jenny i've know since i was 9 years old..is getting married to a foreigner named Rik. i've yet to meet him. but apparently it's too keep him here so he won't get deported. i don't really know how i feel on the subject, but now i know that our "girl times" are fucking over. no more sleepovers..nights of getting drunk and being stupid together...it's all over. most of my frineds now are all getting married and having kids. i'm way behind. like wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy behind. i imagine i'll be that way for a long while. and i dont' really think i'll ever see kids in the equasion. all of it just bewilders me. i feel like towlie in south park. "i have no idea what's goin on...." ok well, this has been great, but it's time to go.