A leisurely sunday...
Today (or yesterday, seeing how it is already past midnight) was supposed to be a day for cosplay. I was supposed to
1. Wash my Maylene wig and dry it for another round of dyeing with purple ink
2. Wash Maylene costume and iron for CF
3. Decrease the length of the Maylene petticoats
4. Wash Luka wig
5. Decrease the length of the Luka dress
6. Redo Luka's head-wreath.
In the end, I found myself resigned to sleeping till noon (I woke up many times between 8AM and 12NN, but always decided to just sleep a little bit more. Closer to 11AM I was actually actively comforting myself that I usually woke up around noon on Sundays anyways and would usually only start cosplay work at around 2PM) and putting off all the planned cosplay work for the afternoon and evening instead. I might really have finished most of my cosplay list if not for the SMS I received at 10AM (but only read at noon when I woke up) from Cuifen, my dear old friend from primary school all the way to JC, who is permanently located in London nowadays but is back in Singapore from saturday till tuesday, who had attempted to reach me through an SMS, stating that her noon appointment (with friends) at Ang Mo Kio was cancelled, and would I be free to meet up because she was afraid besides that she had no other slot to meet?
After groaning and hurriedly messaging back that I would definitely love to meet her but I was only reading about her free noon slot AT noon, I was then told rather happily that instead of Ang Mo Kio, she was due at 2.30PM for a board-gaming session at Christie's place, Christie being yet another primary-school-to-JC-good-friend, and listed a bunch of other people attending the gaming session, a large chunk of whom are equal primary-school(or sec-school)-to-JC-good-friends, and some of whom I haven't seen since JC. Being the eternal optimist, I told her I'd BE THERE.
I hadn't counted for
1. Lunch with family
2. Washing all the dishes and pots and pans and rice cooker after lunch (and my mom cooks up a storm)
3. Deciding somehow that I HAD to do laundry this weekend by hook or by crook (at least the whites because a lot of Maylene's costume was sweaty from AFA and was white in colour) because next weekend I'd be occupied and the next is CF already, and so, putting in the whites, and subsequently having to wait till the whites were done and deciding that I might as well wash the blacks (including new luka dress and other new clothes) whilst the whites were in the dryer since I had to bathe anyway.
4. Showering and deciding that I might as well wash both the Maylene wig and the Luka wig whilst I'm at it.
So mid-way through all this I had messaged Cuifen that I'd BE there, though a bit late because of chores, and she told me it didn't matter how late since the session was going to be the whole day and some of them are even staying over (which made me suddenly wish I had no work tomorrow) and seriously?
that is the worst thing to hear when I have chores and stuff to do at home, because that just means my brain will keep adding in last minute things that I "might as well do" and make me horrendously late.
So. I left the house (eventually) at around 4PM, not realising that Sembawang Rd is not as near as I thought it would be (it didn't help that the bus took almost half an hour to come) and that reading Fragile Things on the bus made me miss my stop by two stops (but I thought I only missed it by one stop) and so when I hit Springside Avenue the houses were numbered 100 and 99 and I was actually trying to get to number 14.
The long and short of it was that I arrived at the place at 5PM, a full two and a half hours late. Joy. And I had assured my mom I was going home for dinner. Much joy.
But the short two hour gaming session was much blessed. I really enjoyed myself, the game was fun, the people most enjoyable, the laughter never-ending. I saw Cuifen again, always a pleasure, and connected with Christie, Shirlene, Wanyun, all amazing friends I've been so close to in my primary and secondary school years. These are the people I called my best friends when I was growing up, and growing up together like that, even years on, we still share the same vocabulary and life experiences. And I am so glad to be able to reconnect with them like that. Meeting them, and people like Colin (whom I have not seen since that writing camp in secondary 3 but quite unforgettable, and oddly makes me remember Hsin) and the boyfriends of Christie (kevin?) and Wanyun (andy?) and Cuifen's friends from York (Nicole, Ailin, Louis), and playing such a funny sabo/guessing/lynching game for two whole hours... somehow it revived a part of me that has been quite dormant since I left RJC many years ago and met new people in cosplay/TJC/university/work.
It got me reflecting somehow on how my life really changed when I was 17. I have never really thought of it that way, somehow the continuity of Hsin before and after the transfer to TJC always made me think that my life didn't change that much. But looking back, I realise that with the exception of Hsin, my friends, the people I talk to on a daily basis, the kinds of conversation I had with them, the activities I did and grew to enjoy, all changed with a simple thing as changing schools. When I left RJC, I left behind bonds that had been built through years of being in the same class, hanging out at each other's houses, being best friends, going down for recess together, sharing the same vocabulary (and spelling and grammar and penchant for good english and not swearing), and a multitude of common experiences.
I don't regret leaving RJC, though it wasn't exactly my choice. I don't like to see myself as floundering in the darkness, I try and make everything that happens to me, be it a "tragic" thing like scoring badly during my O'levels and having to accept going to a school which was my fifth choice and cutting ties with all my old friends, into something good again. I grew out of my shell, met people who are so different from the people I usually hang out with, changed my perspective on life. If given the chance to relive my life, I would do it all over again the exact same way.
But I don't deny that over the years, I have felt regret sometimes at not being able to be there for my old friends. For someone like Cuifen, someone whom I've regarded as my best friend in the whole wide world ever since we knew each other in primary 4 all the way till I left RJC in JC1, someone whom I used to tell everything to, someone who even my parents knew, someone whose parents knew me. I cannot deny that I would catch up reading her blog sometimes with some measure of bittersweetness, of sadness, of not being there in her life anymore. People like Christie, Shirlene, Wanyun. People who formed the coffee gang, a gang I used to be part of, a clique I used to belong to. A gang and clique that now I seemed to be hovering around the edges, and then even further away, occasionally a guest. Part of this is guilt. I know that if I tried hard enough I would still be in that group, that if I had been more active and initiated outings and talked to them more often online or offline, that I would never feel like I am no longer their good friend. Somehow, it was too painful to do in my JC years. And then, when it came to university time, many of them went overseas, and university life was also just plain busy. By then I had lost my last link to my past life, I had broken up with Hsin. And it also seemed like it was a little too late, too little done by then, to even attempt to seemingly pompously plonk myself back in the circle.
Sometimes it also feels like I might have betrayed them somehow, when I left the school, when I seemed to actively cut my ties with them. Let me correct myself. A lot of it is guilt, a chunk of it is shame. A slice of it is regret. Perhaps this part, the keeping-in-touch part, this part I will do differently if asked to relive my life.
Because friendships like this, friendships with the people I care about, the people who care for me, are really far too precious to give up or dismiss or try and forget. Fully 24, one year into my job, single. I am contemplative again, I think too much, I brood and mull over things. I think it's a good thing. ^_^
Don't worry about me, just thinking that I should use my blog for what it was originally meant for: a journal for my thoughts.
1. Wash my Maylene wig and dry it for another round of dyeing with purple ink
2. Wash Maylene costume and iron for CF
3. Decrease the length of the Maylene petticoats
4. Wash Luka wig
5. Decrease the length of the Luka dress
6. Redo Luka's head-wreath.
In the end, I found myself resigned to sleeping till noon (I woke up many times between 8AM and 12NN, but always decided to just sleep a little bit more. Closer to 11AM I was actually actively comforting myself that I usually woke up around noon on Sundays anyways and would usually only start cosplay work at around 2PM) and putting off all the planned cosplay work for the afternoon and evening instead. I might really have finished most of my cosplay list if not for the SMS I received at 10AM (but only read at noon when I woke up) from Cuifen, my dear old friend from primary school all the way to JC, who is permanently located in London nowadays but is back in Singapore from saturday till tuesday, who had attempted to reach me through an SMS, stating that her noon appointment (with friends) at Ang Mo Kio was cancelled, and would I be free to meet up because she was afraid besides that she had no other slot to meet?
After groaning and hurriedly messaging back that I would definitely love to meet her but I was only reading about her free noon slot AT noon, I was then told rather happily that instead of Ang Mo Kio, she was due at 2.30PM for a board-gaming session at Christie's place, Christie being yet another primary-school-to-JC-good-friend, and listed a bunch of other people attending the gaming session, a large chunk of whom are equal primary-school(or sec-school)-to-JC-good-friends, and some of whom I haven't seen since JC. Being the eternal optimist, I told her I'd BE THERE.
I hadn't counted for
1. Lunch with family
2. Washing all the dishes and pots and pans and rice cooker after lunch (and my mom cooks up a storm)
3. Deciding somehow that I HAD to do laundry this weekend by hook or by crook (at least the whites because a lot of Maylene's costume was sweaty from AFA and was white in colour) because next weekend I'd be occupied and the next is CF already, and so, putting in the whites, and subsequently having to wait till the whites were done and deciding that I might as well wash the blacks (including new luka dress and other new clothes) whilst the whites were in the dryer since I had to bathe anyway.
4. Showering and deciding that I might as well wash both the Maylene wig and the Luka wig whilst I'm at it.
So mid-way through all this I had messaged Cuifen that I'd BE there, though a bit late because of chores, and she told me it didn't matter how late since the session was going to be the whole day and some of them are even staying over (which made me suddenly wish I had no work tomorrow) and seriously?
that is the worst thing to hear when I have chores and stuff to do at home, because that just means my brain will keep adding in last minute things that I "might as well do" and make me horrendously late.
So. I left the house (eventually) at around 4PM, not realising that Sembawang Rd is not as near as I thought it would be (it didn't help that the bus took almost half an hour to come) and that reading Fragile Things on the bus made me miss my stop by two stops (but I thought I only missed it by one stop) and so when I hit Springside Avenue the houses were numbered 100 and 99 and I was actually trying to get to number 14.
The long and short of it was that I arrived at the place at 5PM, a full two and a half hours late. Joy. And I had assured my mom I was going home for dinner. Much joy.
But the short two hour gaming session was much blessed. I really enjoyed myself, the game was fun, the people most enjoyable, the laughter never-ending. I saw Cuifen again, always a pleasure, and connected with Christie, Shirlene, Wanyun, all amazing friends I've been so close to in my primary and secondary school years. These are the people I called my best friends when I was growing up, and growing up together like that, even years on, we still share the same vocabulary and life experiences. And I am so glad to be able to reconnect with them like that. Meeting them, and people like Colin (whom I have not seen since that writing camp in secondary 3 but quite unforgettable, and oddly makes me remember Hsin) and the boyfriends of Christie (kevin?) and Wanyun (andy?) and Cuifen's friends from York (Nicole, Ailin, Louis), and playing such a funny sabo/guessing/lynching game for two whole hours... somehow it revived a part of me that has been quite dormant since I left RJC many years ago and met new people in cosplay/TJC/university/work.
It got me reflecting somehow on how my life really changed when I was 17. I have never really thought of it that way, somehow the continuity of Hsin before and after the transfer to TJC always made me think that my life didn't change that much. But looking back, I realise that with the exception of Hsin, my friends, the people I talk to on a daily basis, the kinds of conversation I had with them, the activities I did and grew to enjoy, all changed with a simple thing as changing schools. When I left RJC, I left behind bonds that had been built through years of being in the same class, hanging out at each other's houses, being best friends, going down for recess together, sharing the same vocabulary (and spelling and grammar and penchant for good english and not swearing), and a multitude of common experiences.
I don't regret leaving RJC, though it wasn't exactly my choice. I don't like to see myself as floundering in the darkness, I try and make everything that happens to me, be it a "tragic" thing like scoring badly during my O'levels and having to accept going to a school which was my fifth choice and cutting ties with all my old friends, into something good again. I grew out of my shell, met people who are so different from the people I usually hang out with, changed my perspective on life. If given the chance to relive my life, I would do it all over again the exact same way.
But I don't deny that over the years, I have felt regret sometimes at not being able to be there for my old friends. For someone like Cuifen, someone whom I've regarded as my best friend in the whole wide world ever since we knew each other in primary 4 all the way till I left RJC in JC1, someone whom I used to tell everything to, someone who even my parents knew, someone whose parents knew me. I cannot deny that I would catch up reading her blog sometimes with some measure of bittersweetness, of sadness, of not being there in her life anymore. People like Christie, Shirlene, Wanyun. People who formed the coffee gang, a gang I used to be part of, a clique I used to belong to. A gang and clique that now I seemed to be hovering around the edges, and then even further away, occasionally a guest. Part of this is guilt. I know that if I tried hard enough I would still be in that group, that if I had been more active and initiated outings and talked to them more often online or offline, that I would never feel like I am no longer their good friend. Somehow, it was too painful to do in my JC years. And then, when it came to university time, many of them went overseas, and university life was also just plain busy. By then I had lost my last link to my past life, I had broken up with Hsin. And it also seemed like it was a little too late, too little done by then, to even attempt to seemingly pompously plonk myself back in the circle.
Sometimes it also feels like I might have betrayed them somehow, when I left the school, when I seemed to actively cut my ties with them. Let me correct myself. A lot of it is guilt, a chunk of it is shame. A slice of it is regret. Perhaps this part, the keeping-in-touch part, this part I will do differently if asked to relive my life.
Because friendships like this, friendships with the people I care about, the people who care for me, are really far too precious to give up or dismiss or try and forget. Fully 24, one year into my job, single. I am contemplative again, I think too much, I brood and mull over things. I think it's a good thing. ^_^
Don't worry about me, just thinking that I should use my blog for what it was originally meant for: a journal for my thoughts.