the letter you will never be able to read
Dear Lee Donghae,
So here I am, writing a letter that you will never be able to read. Pathetic right? But still, I’m hoping that one day, there would be a miracle and you happened to read this. Over the past couple of days, I’m thinking of what to put in here. Seriously, I don’t have the slightest idea on what to say to you. Okay fine, I have a lot to say but my mind won’t work properly the moment I put my thoughts in a letter. This is actually the first time I would write a letter to someone special to me yet doesn’t even know my existence. You might not understand everything written in here (as if you have a chance to read this) but I want you to know that this basically what is running through my mind the moment I saw you.
It’s been three years since I first saw your smile. To be honest, you’re not the first one I fell in love with. It was Kibum. Well actually, you’re in the second place during Haengbok era. But back then, I never got into Super Junior because of J-Pop, Jonas Brothers and MCR. As much as I don’t want to admit this, I used to dislike K-Pop. Yes, I dislike it so when I knew that Super Junior is a K-Pop group, I immediately dismissed the thoughts of getting to know you guys and your music. Well not really because I did some research and found out your names (at that time, I only knew 6 of you) and I listen to your songs (Marry U and She’s Gone to be exact). That’s it, nothing more. It wasn’t until 2008 that I decided to get to know you and learn the real you. After a year of contemplating whether to stop disliking K-Pop or not, I finally got my heart enlighten because of you! Yes, you. You want to know why? Simply because of you and your dad.
When I first watched your Arirang Monologue video, I was like “Aww. This dude is so cute. Such a daddy’s boy.” I cried okay. Your personality really showed through in that interview. You were so vulnerable. The moment you talked about your dad, you cried and that broke my heart. I was touched when you said that you wanted to become someone else but didn’t pursue it because your dad wanted you to become a singer and that’s what you achieved. With that, you proved to me that you are such a loving son and you’ll do anything just to please your dad. No doubt, you truly love him. You cried so much, I couldn’t handle it so I cried with you. You are such a crybaby but that made me love you more.
But then, I’m just interested in you, not the whole group. It took me a year to finally know Super Junior by heart. You guys were not my #1 priority though. You guys had that small space in my heart but enough to fit in my life. I had to watch a lot of videos and read tons of articles just to make you guys my life. Super Junior messed up my life, in a good way. Because of you, I had to set my priorities. I had to choose between MCR, JoBros, j-Pop and SJ. Well obviously, I chose SJ. It’s kind of hard for me to explain why. It is a personal reason and a crucial decision for me. As time went on, Super Junior literally becomes my life and you, Lee Donghae, make it brighter.
Getting to know you was not that hard. You’re such a transparent person. You cried when you’re hurt, you laughed when you’re happy and you got mad when you’re irritated. Every action you made reflects what you felt inside. Mainly, that is what I love about you. WELL YEAH, I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU. Who wouldn’t right? With how you act, you’re just like an ordinary boy on the street. You are so down to earth that sometimes you don’t act like an idol. You are just a guy who cares for his dongsaengs and hyungs, a guy who loves kids, a guy who loves sports, dance and music, a guy who misses his family and a guy who craves for his dad’s presence. You might be sad because your dad is not with you right now, but you always smile for us, for your fans. I don’t want to be selfish but I want to be the reason of your smiles.
You smile, it’s just so pretty. I can’t explain the feeling that I’ve got when I see your smile. It is something that will make me feel better after a long day at school. I wanted to see that smile not just on the computer screen but personally. I almost gave up with that dream of mine.
Back in 2009, they announced that you’ll be coming here in Manila. You don’t even know how happy I was. I saved money just for the ticket. I couldn’t afford the front row ticket so I stick in saving up for Upper Box B. It’s quite far from the stage but it’s enough for me to see you. Three weeks before the concert, I asked my mom to accompany me at the concert. What she said broke my heart. She said, “No, you can’t attend that concert. We’re leaving Manila on the 3rd of April. And you’re busy with your school requirements. “And I was like “Mom, you can’t do this to me!” And she said that I have to choose. SJ or my family. Of course, I’d go for my family. I understand my mom, really. We hadn’t had any bonding moments for a long time because both my parents were busy. It was our only chance to be together again. My heart didn’t really accept it but I had to choose my family because they are my family. They are the most important people in my life. At that time, only one thing was on my mind, to have an SS3 Manila. That is my only chance to see you guys for the first time. Well, I guess I’m lucky because God granted my wish. And now I’m preparing for SS3. I really wanted to see you. It would mean so much to me if I see you in person. I’ll be screaming your name and singing your songs. Imagining it makes me crazy. I’ll be desperate if I couldn’t watch your concert just so you know.
But this letter is about how much I wanted to thank you so I’m gonna stop blabbing and just start thanking you. First of all, thank you for inspiring me a lot. You don’t know how much you inspired me. I learn to be strong and to accept failures. I learn how to cry and not keep grudges on people who insult me but instead talked to them and be friends with them. Your determination is so amazing. After your dad died, you proved to us how strong you are. Though we fans knew how much you’re hurting at that time. It was hard for you to sing because you remembered your father and you just couldn’t stop your tears. However, you still continue your father’s dream and I know that you know how proud your dad is to you.
So thank you, Lee Donghae. For being there for me, it is not important if you’re not on my side, my point is, just seeing your pictures and hearing your voice makes me smile. I know that this is so pathetic to say but I really wanted to be the girl who will make your heart beats like crazy. I wanted to be the reason of your smile. I wanted to see your eyes looked at me during concerts. I wanted to be the girl you’ll talk about during interviews. Impossible to happen, I know. But every girl can dream right? Sadly, that dream will never happen. You might not say it to the world but I can feel that there is already a girl you will marry just right beside you. I might get hurt but seeing you smile like that, my heart is satisfied.
But for now, I will just wait until we meet in your concert and just continue to dream of you being your girlfriend. And I will continue to hope that this dream of mine will become a reality.
Happy Birthday, Lee Donghae. I love you! :*
Love,
Claud, the girl who wishes she was more than a fan.
So here I am, writing a letter that you will never be able to read. Pathetic right? But still, I’m hoping that one day, there would be a miracle and you happened to read this. Over the past couple of days, I’m thinking of what to put in here. Seriously, I don’t have the slightest idea on what to say to you. Okay fine, I have a lot to say but my mind won’t work properly the moment I put my thoughts in a letter. This is actually the first time I would write a letter to someone special to me yet doesn’t even know my existence. You might not understand everything written in here (as if you have a chance to read this) but I want you to know that this basically what is running through my mind the moment I saw you.
It’s been three years since I first saw your smile. To be honest, you’re not the first one I fell in love with. It was Kibum. Well actually, you’re in the second place during Haengbok era. But back then, I never got into Super Junior because of J-Pop, Jonas Brothers and MCR. As much as I don’t want to admit this, I used to dislike K-Pop. Yes, I dislike it so when I knew that Super Junior is a K-Pop group, I immediately dismissed the thoughts of getting to know you guys and your music. Well not really because I did some research and found out your names (at that time, I only knew 6 of you) and I listen to your songs (Marry U and She’s Gone to be exact). That’s it, nothing more. It wasn’t until 2008 that I decided to get to know you and learn the real you. After a year of contemplating whether to stop disliking K-Pop or not, I finally got my heart enlighten because of you! Yes, you. You want to know why? Simply because of you and your dad.
When I first watched your Arirang Monologue video, I was like “Aww. This dude is so cute. Such a daddy’s boy.” I cried okay. Your personality really showed through in that interview. You were so vulnerable. The moment you talked about your dad, you cried and that broke my heart. I was touched when you said that you wanted to become someone else but didn’t pursue it because your dad wanted you to become a singer and that’s what you achieved. With that, you proved to me that you are such a loving son and you’ll do anything just to please your dad. No doubt, you truly love him. You cried so much, I couldn’t handle it so I cried with you. You are such a crybaby but that made me love you more.
But then, I’m just interested in you, not the whole group. It took me a year to finally know Super Junior by heart. You guys were not my #1 priority though. You guys had that small space in my heart but enough to fit in my life. I had to watch a lot of videos and read tons of articles just to make you guys my life. Super Junior messed up my life, in a good way. Because of you, I had to set my priorities. I had to choose between MCR, JoBros, j-Pop and SJ. Well obviously, I chose SJ. It’s kind of hard for me to explain why. It is a personal reason and a crucial decision for me. As time went on, Super Junior literally becomes my life and you, Lee Donghae, make it brighter.
Getting to know you was not that hard. You’re such a transparent person. You cried when you’re hurt, you laughed when you’re happy and you got mad when you’re irritated. Every action you made reflects what you felt inside. Mainly, that is what I love about you. WELL YEAH, I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU. Who wouldn’t right? With how you act, you’re just like an ordinary boy on the street. You are so down to earth that sometimes you don’t act like an idol. You are just a guy who cares for his dongsaengs and hyungs, a guy who loves kids, a guy who loves sports, dance and music, a guy who misses his family and a guy who craves for his dad’s presence. You might be sad because your dad is not with you right now, but you always smile for us, for your fans. I don’t want to be selfish but I want to be the reason of your smiles.
You smile, it’s just so pretty. I can’t explain the feeling that I’ve got when I see your smile. It is something that will make me feel better after a long day at school. I wanted to see that smile not just on the computer screen but personally. I almost gave up with that dream of mine.
Back in 2009, they announced that you’ll be coming here in Manila. You don’t even know how happy I was. I saved money just for the ticket. I couldn’t afford the front row ticket so I stick in saving up for Upper Box B. It’s quite far from the stage but it’s enough for me to see you. Three weeks before the concert, I asked my mom to accompany me at the concert. What she said broke my heart. She said, “No, you can’t attend that concert. We’re leaving Manila on the 3rd of April. And you’re busy with your school requirements. “And I was like “Mom, you can’t do this to me!” And she said that I have to choose. SJ or my family. Of course, I’d go for my family. I understand my mom, really. We hadn’t had any bonding moments for a long time because both my parents were busy. It was our only chance to be together again. My heart didn’t really accept it but I had to choose my family because they are my family. They are the most important people in my life. At that time, only one thing was on my mind, to have an SS3 Manila. That is my only chance to see you guys for the first time. Well, I guess I’m lucky because God granted my wish. And now I’m preparing for SS3. I really wanted to see you. It would mean so much to me if I see you in person. I’ll be screaming your name and singing your songs. Imagining it makes me crazy. I’ll be desperate if I couldn’t watch your concert just so you know.
But this letter is about how much I wanted to thank you so I’m gonna stop blabbing and just start thanking you. First of all, thank you for inspiring me a lot. You don’t know how much you inspired me. I learn to be strong and to accept failures. I learn how to cry and not keep grudges on people who insult me but instead talked to them and be friends with them. Your determination is so amazing. After your dad died, you proved to us how strong you are. Though we fans knew how much you’re hurting at that time. It was hard for you to sing because you remembered your father and you just couldn’t stop your tears. However, you still continue your father’s dream and I know that you know how proud your dad is to you.
So thank you, Lee Donghae. For being there for me, it is not important if you’re not on my side, my point is, just seeing your pictures and hearing your voice makes me smile. I know that this is so pathetic to say but I really wanted to be the girl who will make your heart beats like crazy. I wanted to be the reason of your smile. I wanted to see your eyes looked at me during concerts. I wanted to be the girl you’ll talk about during interviews. Impossible to happen, I know. But every girl can dream right? Sadly, that dream will never happen. You might not say it to the world but I can feel that there is already a girl you will marry just right beside you. I might get hurt but seeing you smile like that, my heart is satisfied.
But for now, I will just wait until we meet in your concert and just continue to dream of you being your girlfriend. And I will continue to hope that this dream of mine will become a reality.
Happy Birthday, Lee Donghae. I love you! :*
Love,
Claud, the girl who wishes she was more than a fan.