My Thoughts...

[cissyann]

I really enjoy reading the posts in this community every morning. I have really learned alot about caring for chihuahuas, things to look for and I also love seeing the super cute pics. I have been a little disturbed by some of the bickering that seems to go on lately.
One of the reasons I have followed this site for so long is that there hasn't

Comments

[cissyann]

Well, I guess my post sure stirred up a lot of replies. I appreciate those who remind me just to ignore the drama and that the people who respond harshly haven't changed yet and probably aren't going to. I just got a little fed up at seeing new people who were so excited about having a new chihuahua and joining the community get slammed. Someone mentioned referring to people as "children" which I did not do. I said I felt some of the responses were immature - that is my opinion and I stick to it. Like the poster who hated to point out her age I hate to sound old, but over the years I've seen the level of politeness expected in my generation become a way of the past. In regards to the comment that I should have taken this to the moderator, I didn't know that. I am not that blog savvy and I had to go back and read the rules several times to understand what you were talking about. I don't even understand some of the terminology in the rules. (What the heck is a troll? Does it live under a bridge?) If I acted inappropriately I apologize. But this is a good example of what I find disturbing in the first place - someone makes a mistake or a bad decision and instead of it being pointed out in a helpful way - that person is attacked. Made to feel like they are bad or wrong. You may think that this is being all touchy-feely or trying to live in a "utopia", but I feel it is treating your fellow human being with compassion and dignity. Obviously several people have indicated that they have had their feelings hurt and this doesn't seem to matter to the people speaking harshly. I am over discussing this now - I have better things to do with my time. I just want to enjoy learning more about chihuahuas and to share experiences and pictures with other chi lovers.

[midnight_d]

A troll is someone who purposely goes into a community/forum/messageboard just to stir up trouble.

[wizba]

Oh yes because these replies were really harsh

*rolls eyes*

Seriously, I think your, and many of the OMG you guyz are MEANZ type people's, ideas of rude/harsh/etc are seriously in need of some readjustment. Telling someone what reality is, that isn't harsh/rude/etc, that is reality. Sometimes reality is harsh, but that doesn't mean the person that tells them it is...just means they are a realist.

You can treat a person with compassion and dignity and still tell them the truth. Obviously, people that have had their feelings hurt on here so badly were doing something perhaps dangerous or bad and decided to ignore that and just go with the OMG you are meanz!

If you really had better things to do with your time why make this post? Gee...I know, to be a troll.

If you seriously find these replies disturbing, then I fear for you in the real world...seriously.

These types of post are EXACTLY why this icon was made.

[midnight_d]

LOL @ Meanz!

[cissyann]

Obviously we disagree. I think it is interesting that you are concerned about how I will make it in the "real world" I see that you are 19 years old. I am 40 this year and have a Master's Degree and have been a psychiatric social worker since you were one year old. I deal every day with the real world. People who are suicidal, homicidal, abused, etc. I've been through some hard times in my life. I currently have a family member possibly dying in the hospital. I imagine I know a lot more about how harsh reality can be than you could know. I also know that in the "real world", in the work place, in a marriage, dealing with your co-workers, your kids, people in general, saying things in a kind way creates a more positive atmosphere and you end up getting more of the result you are looking for. It's the old adage that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. The reason you get a better result is that people are more open to hearing what you have to say, rather than shutting their ears because of the way you said it. I have also found that it makes me feel better about myself when I do so. I also would have to say that I never said you were "mean". I don't necessarily think you are "mean". What I think you are is inconsiderate of other people's feelings. If you want to justify that by saying "oh, it is reality", then that is your perogative. I don't care, but I don't agree with you. I did that a lot too when I was your age. I felt like I knew it all and had to be right and if anyone questioned me, I got defensive. That was due to immaturity and insecurity and over the years I've come to see things a little differently. In your post, you stated that the people who were responded too in a harsh manner were doing something "dangerous or bad". Well, that still doesn't mean you can't express that too them in a kinder way. I also think that "bad" is such a moralistic judgemental word. Someone gets a puppy from a less than reputable person - they probably didn't know the dangers or that the person was less than reputable - they love the dog and want to give good care. Does the fact that they acted in ignorance make them "bad" or deserving of rudeness? Regarding "being a troll", I have posted several times before, but very few people have responded and my chi is healthy and well taken care of and I haven't had much to post about. I also have felt like if I did post, I might get slammed. I wonder whether intimidating people from posting or being a member of this community is what the community is intended to do. I posted this because I felt bad for new members who tried to be friendly and be a part of the community only to be made to feel bad. You want to right to freely express your opinion, and I support that. But then I have the right to say I don't like how you said it or if I disagree. Overall the fact that people are responding so vehemently to what I'm saying indicates that it hit a nerve. If people don't believe what is said about them, then they don't get defensive. It's a simple psychological truth. If people in this community don't want certain members to join, it should be a closed community only open to certain people. Then you won't have to worry about trying to drive people out.

[rozae]

Thanks for sharing your life experiences. My one request is that, in the future, posts like these are reconsidered. The persons who need to hear such words typically aren't listening. They're simply going to go on the defensive, almost instantly. Meanwhile, drama erupts, and everyone gets hurt further.

I understand that this post was a sort of plea to get things back on track and maybe bring awareness to those with questionable behavior. Instead, these posts seem to further divide the various types of people within the community. It makes it harder to move on.

[cissyann]

I can see that. It was not my intent to be divisive. I probably was doing no more than preacihng to the choir.

[cissyann]

I went through and read your comments - very mature and reasonable. I again apologize if I proceeded incorrectly in any way and did not want this to end up being divisive. It was my intent to try to bring awareness, but if I had thought about it further I might have realized that that what I say is not going to change the attitude of others and that I need to accept what I can't change and rather show kindness to people who I feel may not be getting it. Previously I was not angry or have anything against any individual people - just concern over the tone. After reading some of the post written directly to me, I have to say I went from dissapointed and frustrated to very angry. I felt personally attacked - which I tried (how successfully?) not to do in my post. I also felt like I was not welcome in this community and was considering leaving the community. I appreciate you pointing out to people the specific things that do come across as hostile or contemptous. Maybe they are not aware of what it is that is being seen as attacking? I am going to take your advice and get off this computer and play with my chihuahua.

[wizba]

Age doesn't have to do with making it in the real world, real world being outside of the internet. I know plenty of 40 year olds that still are not in the real world and the list grows every day...even people with medical liscences or psychiatric ones. In fact, some of the most damaged people are counselors to others.

You seem to be trying to change an entire community with a post that you know will just create more drama. Furthermore, why try to change an entire community with a strong stance on something? Why, instead of changing lots of other people to fit the wishes of a few, don't you and others who feel the same find a community that will let them stay ignorant?

I don't have time to think about every single person's feelings on the internet, and no, I won't coddle people that are doing something dangerous for their dogs health or welfare. Sorry, but it is reality that people do dangerous things with/to their dogs and need to be told that. Many people take that, no matter how nice you are to them, in a bad way...I gather you must be one of them from your responses to some very civil and nice comments. Sorry, I am not going to play with sock puppets to express my feelings and work out those feelings with every single person on the internet. What you don't seem to get, is that we do express things in a nice manner, but no, we won't coddle or sugarcoat, and no we can't anticipate the overreaction many people give...sane people don't react in the same way that these people have in the past on here.

I am still confused on what rudeness you are referring to and exactly by whom...or are you just whining with the rest of them? Please don't even try to reference the Nutella post, the drama that happens from that goes back so far and deep that it is ridiculous and I am not sure if you would know the entire story or not but it is not a good reference.

Bad is not entirely moralistic, sorry, morals are not entirely relative. Killing someone is wrong, hurting your pet is wrong. Trying to justify that with saying oh well there really isn't such a thing as bad is really scary. Yeah, they might not have known, but they do now, and many people, wether you believe it or not, have taken the information given to them and become amazing pet owners. All you have to do is say, oh I didn't know, thats horrible, I won't do it again and the entire thing would be over...but it is the people that freak out, call everyone mean...try to justify it, etc, that just bring it upon themselves. We never said that she is bad for that, perhaps if she did it again full knowing, but thats besides the point.

Troll posts can come from people that have posted before, you just have to try to stir up drama...which you have.

If you think you are going to get slammed, it is most likely because you know you have done something that could've been avoided and was bad. ..guilty.

I want to write freely, and dispense advice to people who need it. Opinions are far different than telling someone, that is dangerous, don't do it. I give facts, sometimes opinions...but I always state them as such and people can take them for what they are worth. Those members who were made to feel bad...which ones, I mean seriously, what were they doing?

Vehemently? What people exactly are you referring to? The minority that had their feelings hurt or the majority that are mature enough to deal with life?

You are getting defensive here, so does that mean we are right?

We want members with questions to join, however, nobody wants someone that is a danger to their animal but won't take advice here.

[rozae]

*rolls eyes*

Again, it's how you say it that affects how people will receive what you say. Rolling eyes and the like are signs of contempt. Is it any wonder people are taking great offense to what you're saying?

[wizba]

That was purposeful because its getting a bit ridiculous...I mean the responses were all pretty nice, so I don't understand what she is going nutso over. I

She couldn't possibly be taking offense to me to start out with, seeing as I have not had a computer for over a week now to respond to recent posts.