Ageless beauty
Faith is hard. As I walk out a relationship with Christ, things like poverty, and relativism, and suffering, and boredom, and mean-spirited people who do awful things in the name of Christ don't disappear. In fact, as I walk on, farther from the initial passionate burst of finding God, these hard realities trouble me more. There are times when I wonder why I'm in this, or what keeps me walking in this way. Is it habit already? Is it six years' worth of superego keeping me in check?
I know many people who have "walked away." I've seen people with their hands in the air worshipping God, then one year later swearing they never knew him. I've heard people talk about their "Jesus-phase" like they are talking about their "power-rangers phase" or their "aerosmith phase." I've seen other people simply slowly let go of it, gradually, smiling all the while, till un-belief just becomes another way of life; God becomes grandpa rocking in his chair, out of the way until he slowly fades out of the picture...
It happens. Faith is hard.
The longer I walk on this road, the more I notice these things. I wonder why other people - some with bigger hearts, better smarts, tougher stories - have let go and I haven't. Sometimes I think I'm just stubborn. I'm too headstrong to let myself back down from God. It seems like a silly reason, but when I think about commitment, and how that seems to be such a problem between people, I think maybe that's true.
If faith can be compared to marriage, my honeymoon days are behind me. The once new and overwhelming truths about God's love and grace become a bit too familiar. Routine, sometimes apathy, sink in. But that doesn't make the initial "spark" any less real, or beautiful - it's just, I'm human, and sometimes I rely too much on feelings, and I forget things. In marriage, sometimes people run when trouble hits. The issues fester till you're more in bitterness than in love. And I guess when trouble, or boredom, or alternatives hit, sometimes people just say: "Right, I'm out. It's been a good run, but I'm out." It's time to end a relationship, end a Jesus-phase.
If faith is this tough, then why do we do it? Why do I do it? Well... we are drawn to relationship. Hard as a relationship is, it's beautiful. You are drawn in to someone beautiful, you make a commitment, you stick it out, and you stay and you work it out. I don't know why sometimes it "works out" and sometimes it doesn't... at least with God he'll never be the one to let you down. Ageless beauty! (to borrow an overplayed song title) - it just occurred to me that that's what faith is.
I know many people who have "walked away." I've seen people with their hands in the air worshipping God, then one year later swearing they never knew him. I've heard people talk about their "Jesus-phase" like they are talking about their "power-rangers phase" or their "aerosmith phase." I've seen other people simply slowly let go of it, gradually, smiling all the while, till un-belief just becomes another way of life; God becomes grandpa rocking in his chair, out of the way until he slowly fades out of the picture...
It happens. Faith is hard.
The longer I walk on this road, the more I notice these things. I wonder why other people - some with bigger hearts, better smarts, tougher stories - have let go and I haven't. Sometimes I think I'm just stubborn. I'm too headstrong to let myself back down from God. It seems like a silly reason, but when I think about commitment, and how that seems to be such a problem between people, I think maybe that's true.
If faith can be compared to marriage, my honeymoon days are behind me. The once new and overwhelming truths about God's love and grace become a bit too familiar. Routine, sometimes apathy, sink in. But that doesn't make the initial "spark" any less real, or beautiful - it's just, I'm human, and sometimes I rely too much on feelings, and I forget things. In marriage, sometimes people run when trouble hits. The issues fester till you're more in bitterness than in love. And I guess when trouble, or boredom, or alternatives hit, sometimes people just say: "Right, I'm out. It's been a good run, but I'm out." It's time to end a relationship, end a Jesus-phase.
If faith is this tough, then why do we do it? Why do I do it? Well... we are drawn to relationship. Hard as a relationship is, it's beautiful. You are drawn in to someone beautiful, you make a commitment, you stick it out, and you stay and you work it out. I don't know why sometimes it "works out" and sometimes it doesn't... at least with God he'll never be the one to let you down. Ageless beauty! (to borrow an overplayed song title) - it just occurred to me that that's what faith is.