(no subject)
I just smoked four cigarettes in a row.
Well, actually only one, but it felt like four due to the fact that I do not smoke. And it sounded much more interesting than saying I just smoked a cigarette. Normally I do not smoke, but in a drunken and drugged up state yesterday night, I felt the urge to poison myself over the next couple of days. With all of its downsides, there is something quite glorious and calming about smoking a cigarette. Maybe because it is you and that little white stick facing your thoughts. The red embers signaling the time you have left in this bout of consciousness and contemplation. It is kind of sexy and the media-induced "cool" way. I feel like I should have a martini on the table next to me, with two olives adorned on a colored toothpick with a little flag on it.
I am not quite sure why I came back to writing in this. Perhaps the insomnia is to blame. Or maybe I am looking for a way to voice my inner thoughts indiscetely to the world without saying "HEY LOOK AT ME!" Nevertheless, I am writing and not stopping and making my best attempt not to edit and just let the shit flow. I didn't mean in the lavatorical sense, but you know, the thought wave sense.
Spring Break is underway, and I am still determing the success of this year's wahoo event. I'm in rehearsal for Venus (which is turning out to be quite the offensive piece of flaming genius) all week, so I spend the days locked up in theatre, enclosed with the same group of people for 8 hours a day, every day. It is not bad by any means, in fact, the group of actors I am working with are excellent. Fun and professional. Yeah.
I need something to do...a job, a person, whatever. I need friggin thing to occupy my mind in these vampiric hours of the night. I think I am slowly turning into one, pretty soon I'll be craving blood and going on an all out feeding spree. Just kidding of course, but I find myself hating the day hours more and more, and finding solace and loneliness on the nighttime. Big surprise! I am the only fucin person awake. (well, except my roommate Shannon, he is a real vampire, he just chooses not to bite me, I'm too tough *drum roll)
I just went catatonic for a moment.
I'm going to sleep.
Well, actually only one, but it felt like four due to the fact that I do not smoke. And it sounded much more interesting than saying I just smoked a cigarette. Normally I do not smoke, but in a drunken and drugged up state yesterday night, I felt the urge to poison myself over the next couple of days. With all of its downsides, there is something quite glorious and calming about smoking a cigarette. Maybe because it is you and that little white stick facing your thoughts. The red embers signaling the time you have left in this bout of consciousness and contemplation. It is kind of sexy and the media-induced "cool" way. I feel like I should have a martini on the table next to me, with two olives adorned on a colored toothpick with a little flag on it.
I am not quite sure why I came back to writing in this. Perhaps the insomnia is to blame. Or maybe I am looking for a way to voice my inner thoughts indiscetely to the world without saying "HEY LOOK AT ME!" Nevertheless, I am writing and not stopping and making my best attempt not to edit and just let the shit flow. I didn't mean in the lavatorical sense, but you know, the thought wave sense.
Spring Break is underway, and I am still determing the success of this year's wahoo event. I'm in rehearsal for Venus (which is turning out to be quite the offensive piece of flaming genius) all week, so I spend the days locked up in theatre, enclosed with the same group of people for 8 hours a day, every day. It is not bad by any means, in fact, the group of actors I am working with are excellent. Fun and professional. Yeah.
I need something to do...a job, a person, whatever. I need friggin thing to occupy my mind in these vampiric hours of the night. I think I am slowly turning into one, pretty soon I'll be craving blood and going on an all out feeding spree. Just kidding of course, but I find myself hating the day hours more and more, and finding solace and loneliness on the nighttime. Big surprise! I am the only fucin person awake. (well, except my roommate Shannon, he is a real vampire, he just chooses not to bite me, I'm too tough *drum roll)
I just went catatonic for a moment.
I'm going to sleep.