I Can't Spell "Psychic"
I have been so out of it lately. Today at lunch Devin and I sat way off to the side of everything, just watching everyone outside. We just pointed out different groups and talked about different people, but didn't take part at all. We just watched from afar... That's just excactly how I've been feeling lately. It's a bit of looney-ness and out-there feeling, like I don't belong quite anywhere no matter what. And therefore, I don't know who I am. All I mostly do is homework and sewing anyway, it's quite depressing. No matter how many fabulous dresses I make or what grades I try to achieve, it won't make me happy. Now the right college might have me happy, but then do I want to go THERE, to IT? Just because my dad went there? Maybe I WOULD be happy at Parson's or RISD instead, even being only art schools and not having the freedom to neccessarily change to art history. But since it's the best and closest place and extremely high tech for my major, well, no questions asked. I must apply early decision, go on tours in sophomore year, and do tennis, french, and other things I have come to dislike compared to before, just to get in. It's hideous and I know I will be overworked there, and everyone will hate me for the NAME if it did magically happen, since I have "a pretty good shot" according to the father, but they'll be like how did SHE get in THERE? Not understanding that it was more the major than the job. But hey, maybe I could get a job and be a head designer of Urban Outfitters, and concinvce them to lower prices as well...now that would be the ideal.
Oh wow. Devin just called and had to bring THAT topic up again. Everything is honestly falling apart. The news...it seemed like nothing could ever happen to someone quite as marvelous as her...but it did. So she'll soon be gone forever...and then my other friend is always busy with her new boyfriend. Now it's the most lovely thing ever, the two of them, don't get them wrong. But when it used to be me and her on weekends, it's now her and her bf. And my sister is so far away and I miss her. Boston is only two hours, but she has a totally different life away from here and doesn't have time to come home too often. My parents and usually great, but they're older and not as fun as they used to be. They always want to sit and watch movies with me or play scarbble, which I ADORE, but what about more sightseeing, all of the museums we used to go to every weekend? In 2nd grade I hated historical places, well not HATED, but disliked because they were of old male writers that have died, so who cares? But now I miss all of that. It's sad.
Life is sad and bittersweet and sorrowful lately. Oh so depressing, and especially with summer coming. I love NO SCHOOL and ART CAMP and VACATION BIBLE CLUB and MAJOR SEWING AND DESIGNING TIME 24/7, but...driver's ed, and hot sticky yucky 90 degrees. And no more spring. Spring is the perfect, wonderful, marvelous time weather wise and sight-wise what with the flowers and animals and all. And now it is the 31st of May and in 7 hours it will be JUNE? Already?? I know.
But sophomore year, my worst school year yet, will be OVER. I cannot wait to be a junior, SAT's or not. Maybe next year things will be better and I will have more answers and life will be brilliant. Just maybe. And if it's not, I will create my own world and make it that way.
Oh wow. Devin just called and had to bring THAT topic up again. Everything is honestly falling apart. The news...it seemed like nothing could ever happen to someone quite as marvelous as her...but it did. So she'll soon be gone forever...and then my other friend is always busy with her new boyfriend. Now it's the most lovely thing ever, the two of them, don't get them wrong. But when it used to be me and her on weekends, it's now her and her bf. And my sister is so far away and I miss her. Boston is only two hours, but she has a totally different life away from here and doesn't have time to come home too often. My parents and usually great, but they're older and not as fun as they used to be. They always want to sit and watch movies with me or play scarbble, which I ADORE, but what about more sightseeing, all of the museums we used to go to every weekend? In 2nd grade I hated historical places, well not HATED, but disliked because they were of old male writers that have died, so who cares? But now I miss all of that. It's sad.
Life is sad and bittersweet and sorrowful lately. Oh so depressing, and especially with summer coming. I love NO SCHOOL and ART CAMP and VACATION BIBLE CLUB and MAJOR SEWING AND DESIGNING TIME 24/7, but...driver's ed, and hot sticky yucky 90 degrees. And no more spring. Spring is the perfect, wonderful, marvelous time weather wise and sight-wise what with the flowers and animals and all. And now it is the 31st of May and in 7 hours it will be JUNE? Already?? I know.
But sophomore year, my worst school year yet, will be OVER. I cannot wait to be a junior, SAT's or not. Maybe next year things will be better and I will have more answers and life will be brilliant. Just maybe. And if it's not, I will create my own world and make it that way.