Adaptation is necessary for survival...
Wow. Why am I back here in 2005? Here's the truth: I want be in my younger years with the bliss of ignorance and beauty of freedom. It sounds so ridiculous but it's true. School and work has turned me into another burned out, coffee driven American. In order to get up I need to be A. getting laid or B. having coffee. If I don't have one of the two I feel like I could lay there and scratch my balls for eternity. Yea, I feel that mentally tired...
What made me like this? The amount of relationships in my life have dwindled in numbers and the substance of those relationships are vastly different. Sometimes I feel like maintaining those relationships can be compared to doing tedious chores. Seriously, my phone rings constantly yet I usually only answer it if it is my girlfriend, mom, or the ganja man. What has happened to me?
What I am trying to say is I am not liking the person I am becoming. I am intelligent and I have a great personality. I make awesome love, I can play guitar, sing, and write music. I'm ballsy at all times. I'm real, extremely witty, and at times funny. I am extreme. I think in long, short, and medium terms. I am brutally truthful. My life feels like a really bad ass butterfly that some how got back into that damned cocoon and is slowly suffocating thinking about how things could really be if I could only pry myself out of this coffin cocoon. What has the real world done with the real Chapman?
I am in love. That's a fact. But I'm so scared. I'm scared of this commitment. Don't get me wrong, I love every moment with this girl (which has been the excuse I have used for my dwindling relationships) but I feel almost too much the center of someone else's life. I feel like if I were to ever fall out of love that it would be like throwing a crippled person out of their wheelchair. I also feel like she doesn't have a drive like I do and therefore will start having a tough time once I actually get out of this little kink in my life. The truth is though I have trouble sleeping without her warmth beside me in bed while she suffers insomnia without me. I'm too young for this but at that same time I can't find anything broken to fix. Is this a healthy relationship?
Meanwhile, I can barely keep up with school.
I am a man of change. Constantly moving. This static life is suffocating me and dooming me to this rat race. But I will reiterate, I am a man of change. This is not a testament of what my life will be. This is a testament to what is changing. In this little town called Gainesville I feel like a little man in a transparent box observing people who are making connections, advancing through all of the psychological stages I learned about while I am stuck in this little box being frozen in time.
This is not going to be me and now is the time for self order and self rehabilitation.
So here it goes. These are ten personal guidelines I am going to lay out for myself and make reference to.
1) Learn how to say 'no'.
2) Start exercising regularly. Wake up 50 push ups 100 situps. Go to sleep on 50 pushups 100 situps. Jog 4 times a week or more.
3) Make way to library. Not only for school but for escape. Pleasure book.
4) Keep perfect hygiene. Floss. Everything.
5) Keep house stocked with healthy foods. Steak and potatoes
6) Don't get over sexed.
7) Keep video game, computer, technology to a fine minimum.
8) Do it like Sprint. Smoke on nights and weekends.
9) Start writing music, playing music.
10) Be more colorful, approachable, and reach potential.
That's it. I'll be back to update more often now I suppose just to keep myself on track. Might start writing this journal for daily evaluation and my new obsession. Stocks. :)
PS This is a negative side of me but that's OK. I know the positive side.
What made me like this? The amount of relationships in my life have dwindled in numbers and the substance of those relationships are vastly different. Sometimes I feel like maintaining those relationships can be compared to doing tedious chores. Seriously, my phone rings constantly yet I usually only answer it if it is my girlfriend, mom, or the ganja man. What has happened to me?
What I am trying to say is I am not liking the person I am becoming. I am intelligent and I have a great personality. I make awesome love, I can play guitar, sing, and write music. I'm ballsy at all times. I'm real, extremely witty, and at times funny. I am extreme. I think in long, short, and medium terms. I am brutally truthful. My life feels like a really bad ass butterfly that some how got back into that damned cocoon and is slowly suffocating thinking about how things could really be if I could only pry myself out of this coffin cocoon. What has the real world done with the real Chapman?
I am in love. That's a fact. But I'm so scared. I'm scared of this commitment. Don't get me wrong, I love every moment with this girl (which has been the excuse I have used for my dwindling relationships) but I feel almost too much the center of someone else's life. I feel like if I were to ever fall out of love that it would be like throwing a crippled person out of their wheelchair. I also feel like she doesn't have a drive like I do and therefore will start having a tough time once I actually get out of this little kink in my life. The truth is though I have trouble sleeping without her warmth beside me in bed while she suffers insomnia without me. I'm too young for this but at that same time I can't find anything broken to fix. Is this a healthy relationship?
Meanwhile, I can barely keep up with school.
I am a man of change. Constantly moving. This static life is suffocating me and dooming me to this rat race. But I will reiterate, I am a man of change. This is not a testament of what my life will be. This is a testament to what is changing. In this little town called Gainesville I feel like a little man in a transparent box observing people who are making connections, advancing through all of the psychological stages I learned about while I am stuck in this little box being frozen in time.
This is not going to be me and now is the time for self order and self rehabilitation.
So here it goes. These are ten personal guidelines I am going to lay out for myself and make reference to.
1) Learn how to say 'no'.
2) Start exercising regularly. Wake up 50 push ups 100 situps. Go to sleep on 50 pushups 100 situps. Jog 4 times a week or more.
3) Make way to library. Not only for school but for escape. Pleasure book.
4) Keep perfect hygiene. Floss. Everything.
5) Keep house stocked with healthy foods. Steak and potatoes
6) Don't get over sexed.
7) Keep video game, computer, technology to a fine minimum.
8) Do it like Sprint. Smoke on nights and weekends.
9) Start writing music, playing music.
10) Be more colorful, approachable, and reach potential.
That's it. I'll be back to update more often now I suppose just to keep myself on track. Might start writing this journal for daily evaluation and my new obsession. Stocks. :)
PS This is a negative side of me but that's OK. I know the positive side.