Wasted Emotion
The Man sez: Writing this on Touchster before the babies show up for church nursery, so if there are any words that do not make sense contextually you can blame the excessively vigilent T9 function.
Wonder Girls and 2PM was last Friday. As I predicted, Awe Some (the nickname I gave to one of my Korean friends) backed out at the last second and left me scrambling to find someone to take her ticket the day before the show. Thankfully, Other Whitey from Korean class said he'd be down. Other Whitey is, like, 19 and seems to have a lot in common with me. I am really useless when it comes to knowing if a guy is interested in me in a purely platonic way or if it's more romantic - the time a boy asked me to dance at homecoming and I told him that he should dance with my friend because I wasn't a very good dancer is a good example. Still, I get a slight vibe from OW that he might be a little into me. Initially, the idea of a guy five years younger perhaps feeling attracted to me was a nice little ego boost. But I remain unconvinced, to be honest. I mean, what about me can compete with a gaggle of cute younger Asian chicks all dying to practise conversation (eyebrow waggle) or our other super gregarious classmate I'll refer to as Miss Cupcake? I scream 'bring your wingman' to dudes. I'm not the girl who's really cute or interesting or sexy; I'm her friend. Um, anyway, so I realized I was overanalyzing shit. This isn't "The Bachelor". I don't have to marry him at the end of eight weeks. I should just play it cool for once in my life. Worst case scenario is I don't date some 19 year old.
So anyway, we're all going to this concert on Friday. He had asked a while ago if I would be willing to buy him beer at some point and I told him that I don't mind as long as it's not, like, in a restaurant or some other place where I would get in trouble. He brought it up again while we were trying to organize the carpool down to DC Friday afternoon. I said I'd buy him some at the liquor store in my village center afterward since it would get skunked sitting in his hot car. Et cetera et cetera, he says he'll just take a raincheck on the beer. Ok, cool.
We all pile into my car and, to my surprise, he tells our token Korean (the only one who doesn't break plans) that she ought to sit in the front. That seemed odd to me but, at the same time, it would mean he could sit in the back with Miss Cupcake (dudes crawl all over her). This brought out the ugly side of me that hates to be ignored or left out. This is the side of me that responds well to anti-depressants. I'm just so fucking insecure that any time something social happens and I'm not invited, god, it just kills me. I just feel so sad and unloveable and lonely. I feel like my personality must be so flawed that of course people don't want me around. It makes me feel so desperate.
Uh, so he ended up sitting next to me at the concert and we had a really fun time (except Miss Cupcake since the girl behind her was being obnoxious - I wish she'd said something to me! I love MC and would've even switched seats with her! I'm not a total heartless bitch...) As I was driving us over to the fish fry place I love, I glanced at the rearview and noticed OW pouring vodka into his water bottle.
Oh. My. Fucking. Goodness.
See, it's one thing to be drinking booze from a thermos in the backseat of my car. It is quite another to HAVE THE CLEARLY LABLED OPEN VODKA BOTTLE IN YOUR HAND WHILE I'M DRIVING THROUGH THE HEAVILY PATROLLED CITY STREETS. Are you trying to get me arrested? Because that's an quick way to do it.
Other Whitey, thank you for reminding me that you are so totally way too young for me. I'm not saying that I want a guy whose idea of living dangerously is eating street food. I am saying that I don't want someone who will make me feel like I'm his preschool teacher.
Also, if I don't find a decent guy soon, I'm taking my mother's advice and joining J-Date.
Wonder Girls and 2PM was last Friday. As I predicted, Awe Some (the nickname I gave to one of my Korean friends) backed out at the last second and left me scrambling to find someone to take her ticket the day before the show. Thankfully, Other Whitey from Korean class said he'd be down. Other Whitey is, like, 19 and seems to have a lot in common with me. I am really useless when it comes to knowing if a guy is interested in me in a purely platonic way or if it's more romantic - the time a boy asked me to dance at homecoming and I told him that he should dance with my friend because I wasn't a very good dancer is a good example. Still, I get a slight vibe from OW that he might be a little into me. Initially, the idea of a guy five years younger perhaps feeling attracted to me was a nice little ego boost. But I remain unconvinced, to be honest. I mean, what about me can compete with a gaggle of cute younger Asian chicks all dying to practise conversation (eyebrow waggle) or our other super gregarious classmate I'll refer to as Miss Cupcake? I scream 'bring your wingman' to dudes. I'm not the girl who's really cute or interesting or sexy; I'm her friend. Um, anyway, so I realized I was overanalyzing shit. This isn't "The Bachelor". I don't have to marry him at the end of eight weeks. I should just play it cool for once in my life. Worst case scenario is I don't date some 19 year old.
So anyway, we're all going to this concert on Friday. He had asked a while ago if I would be willing to buy him beer at some point and I told him that I don't mind as long as it's not, like, in a restaurant or some other place where I would get in trouble. He brought it up again while we were trying to organize the carpool down to DC Friday afternoon. I said I'd buy him some at the liquor store in my village center afterward since it would get skunked sitting in his hot car. Et cetera et cetera, he says he'll just take a raincheck on the beer. Ok, cool.
We all pile into my car and, to my surprise, he tells our token Korean (the only one who doesn't break plans) that she ought to sit in the front. That seemed odd to me but, at the same time, it would mean he could sit in the back with Miss Cupcake (dudes crawl all over her). This brought out the ugly side of me that hates to be ignored or left out. This is the side of me that responds well to anti-depressants. I'm just so fucking insecure that any time something social happens and I'm not invited, god, it just kills me. I just feel so sad and unloveable and lonely. I feel like my personality must be so flawed that of course people don't want me around. It makes me feel so desperate.
Uh, so he ended up sitting next to me at the concert and we had a really fun time (except Miss Cupcake since the girl behind her was being obnoxious - I wish she'd said something to me! I love MC and would've even switched seats with her! I'm not a total heartless bitch...) As I was driving us over to the fish fry place I love, I glanced at the rearview and noticed OW pouring vodka into his water bottle.
Oh. My. Fucking. Goodness.
See, it's one thing to be drinking booze from a thermos in the backseat of my car. It is quite another to HAVE THE CLEARLY LABLED OPEN VODKA BOTTLE IN YOUR HAND WHILE I'M DRIVING THROUGH THE HEAVILY PATROLLED CITY STREETS. Are you trying to get me arrested? Because that's an quick way to do it.
Other Whitey, thank you for reminding me that you are so totally way too young for me. I'm not saying that I want a guy whose idea of living dangerously is eating street food. I am saying that I don't want someone who will make me feel like I'm his preschool teacher.
Also, if I don't find a decent guy soon, I'm taking my mother's advice and joining J-Date.