Ever Ever After [3/4]
Title: Ever Ever After
Author: chicleeblair
Rating:PG-13
Summary: Meredith Grey is used to making sacrifices for her daughter, but this time the trip she thinks will be the ultimate challenge becomes the most eye-opening experience Zola has ever given her. A slightly fluffy follow up to Searching for a Seattle Sky
“Do you think Tony and Frog will get along with Mickey?” Meredith asked Zola a few days later, parking her wheelchair next to a table at an ice cream shop in Disney’s Hollywood Studios.
“Uh huh,” Zola said, plopping her stuffed Mickey into the seat next to her. “They will.”
Meredith smiled. She figured Tony the Tiger might have been replaced by Mickey, judging by how many times Zola had let the thing out of her sight since they bought it at the Animal Kingdom two days earlier-that was to say zero.
“Here we go, then. Ice cream for everyone.” Mrs. Shepherd arrived at the table with three mouse-shaped ice cream bars.
Meredith opened Zola’s, watching her carefully for a second after she’d handed it over for signs of I-can’t-eat-Mickey rebellion. They’d had it out over the mouse ear pizza the night before. This must have been a reaction to being over tired rather than to Disney’s insistence upon making kids worship a character and then eat its likeness, because she bit into the ice cream bar happily.
“Did Derek say where he was going?”
Meredith shook her head and a shard of the coating of her ice cream dropped onto the table. She quickly brushed it off. “No. Probably to buy me something stupid. Not that I expect anything! Just, it’s the kind of thing he’d do. If it’s mouse ears, though, he’ll be a dead man.”
“What’s wrong with mouse ears, Mommy?” asked Zola, who’d allowed Meredith to put her hair back into braids only after she’d been promised she could be Minnie again on their last day.
“Nothing. I just don’t need them.”
“Mickey gave you bunny foo-foo ears in one of the pictures.” She spread two fingers into a “v” to illustrate. “Wasn’t that funny?”
“Wasn’t it just?” Mrs. Shepherd said. Meredith’s smile tightened. “I have to say, Meredith, I was impressed with you the other day. For someone who doesn’t believe in Disney, you certainly acted like you did.”
“You don’t believe in Disney, Mama? But it’s real!”
“I believe in it, Zo. Watch out, your ice cream is dripping.” She held out a napkin for Zola to use to catch the drip and met her mother-in-law’s penetrating gaze. “I told you, I never got the happiest-place-on-earth-thing. My dad wanted to take me here. He’d planned to for my sixth birthday. Mom hated the idea. I don’t think he would have won, but we left before I got to find out.
“But I remember wanting to go. I heard other kids talk about it. I saw the TV commercials. I dreamt about that kind of thing like any kid, the perfect family vacation. I just could never have it because, no family. She has a family, and she should have everything else.”
Mrs. Shepherd bit off the entire right ear of her chocolate with a decided crunch. No tiny shards fell to the table. Meredith didn’t want to actively watch her chew while she waited for a response, so she focused on her own ice cream, practically choking herself with the next bite she took. She still had half of it in her mouth by the time her mother-in-law spoke and she tried to swallow quickly. Next to her, Zola offered ice cream to Mickey and she had to thrust a hand out to stop the exchange. She didn’t think she’d be able to abscond with Mickey long enough to wash him without a full-on tantrum.
“Please don’t take offense at this, but I’ve noticed over the past few years how often you talk about wanting her to have something because you didn’t, or having a life opposite of yours.”
Meredith swallowed the last bite of her ice cream. “Um. Yeah. I pretty much had the anti-happy childhood.”
“So I’ve come to understand. As a mother, it’s hard for me to understand how yours could have been so negligent and aloof. I find myself wishing you’d lived in New York. We had a habit of taking in kids who needed a stronger family-Mark for instance. Not unlike what you did with your home for wayward residents.”
In spite of herself, Meredith smiled at the memory of her bustling house, the rooms a revolving door for whoever needed them.
Mrs. Shepherd folded her hands, resting her top lip on the edges of her fingers for a second. “I do wonder, though, is it the best way to go about making decisions for her? Your mother must have done a few things right, considering how well you turned out. She wanted you to be intelligent, as you want for Zola, right?”
Nearby a pair of pigeons fought over a popcorn kernel someone had tossed their way. Meredith nodded, focused on the battle.
“And I rather think explaining away your behavior in reference to her sells yourself short. The other day wasn’t about her, after all. It was about your love for Zola and your will to fight for her, and it was purer than your actions at the carousel. Not founded on pain.”
Meredith felt her throat tighten at the thought of herself as a lonely child on a carousel. She hadn’t been able to truly enjoy seeing Zola ride, this was true.
“It’s not my place to judge the way you’re raising her, since she’s obviously thriving. I only wanted to let you know that you’re smiling more in those pictures with Mickey Mouse than I’d ever seen you smile before. It was very nice to see.”
Meredith finally raised her eyes. “Thank you,” she said. “It…means a lot to hear that.”
“Good. I’m glad. Now tell me, is your sister going to make me a grandmother again soon?”
“I…” Meredith bit her tongue, thinking about the three pink lines she’d been sworn to secrecy about a few weeks earlier. “Oh, there’s Derek!” She waved to her husband who headed over. The grin he wore plus the bag in his hand confirmed her suspicions. He’d bought something.
“For you,” he announced holding out the bag. “It solves our debate.”
She took it, warily, and peered inside first to make absolutely sure whatever was inside could be shown to Zola. She didn’t think he could get an adults-only item at Disney World, but he’d done stranger things.
She half expected yet another piece of Doctor Mickey kitsch, but instead found a black t-shirt with both Yoda and Kermit the Frog on the front. The print said Being Green, Easy It’s Not.
She burst out laughing.
“What, what is it, Mommy?” Zola asked. She showed her the t-shirt which elicited only an “oh”. While she’d liked the MuppetVision show, Zola hadn’t even been tall enough for Star Tours. Meredith had contended this proved the superiority of the Muppets in the contest between the two non-Disney-originated 70s throwbacks in the park. Derek claimed she wasn’t even allowed to have an opinion, since both franchises had their heyday before her birth.
The argument had spawned an hour’s worth of jibes about his age and her geeky childhood tendencies, but Meredith had reveled in it. For once they got to be normal people having a normal conversation. Even though the t-shirt was one of his cornier gestures, she knew it’d be a reminder to make sure she had time when she didn’t have to be anyone other than his wife and Zola’s mother-even for just a few hours.
She hoped it wouldn’t be the only resolution she’d take away from this trip.
***
“And her braces are in the bedroom, but if you’re staying in here you shouldn’t need them. All her cathing supplies are in the bathroom, but we’ve taken care of it for the night so--.”
Mrs. Shepherd held up a hand, and for once Meredith was grateful for one of her interruptions. “Meredith. Zola and I are going to be fine. You’ve left her before, haven’t you?”
“Yes, of course.” But always with doctors who she sees once every few days, not once every few months. Even then it wasn’t a sure-bet. She’d pitched a fit during a sleepover at Callie’s place two months earlier, and she and Sofia had been best friends since day one.
“Grandma can take care of me, Mommy,” Zola said from her position on the hotel room sofa. Her voice was partially muffled by the head of the stuffed Mickey on her lap. A Disney balloon that refused to deflate was tied to his wrist. Meredith winced at the image of them traipsing through the airport the next day with the image of Mickey Mouse bobbing overhead. “And you’ll be back.”
“Of course I will,” Meredith agreed, tuning into the hint of a question mark at the end of the statement. “Daddy and I could even come get you while you’re asleep, if you want to wake up in our room.”
She would not cross her fingers behind her back. She would not.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Meredith,” Mrs. Shepherd said with the closest thing to a sly smile Meredith had ever seen on her face. “Zola will see you in the morning, all ready to go home. Isn’t that right, Zola?”
“Back to Strummer?”
“Yup,” Meredith said. “Uncle Mark is going to bring him up tomorrow, so he’ll be waiting for you.”
“Goody!” Zola said. “But I’ll miss you Grandma.”
Mrs. Shepherd smiled, and Meredith caught a glimpse of surprise in her eyes. Before she could question it there was a knock at the door. Meredith stood closest, so she leaned over to answer it, but Mrs. Shepherd ducked in front of her. “Derek.”
“Hi, Mom.” Derek leaned in to kiss his mother’s cheek, and then Mrs. Shepherd stepped aside. Meredith’s heart squeezed at the sight of him in a suit, just for her. It really had been a while since their last date. “Wow.”
Meredith ran her hands self-consciously down the front of her wine-colored dress. She and Lexie had gone shopping for it the week before, once she’d realized how long it had been since she’d bought a dress. For once, she didn’t feel totally awkward in it.
“Daddy, you look handsome,” Zola declared. “Like Prince Charming and Mommy is Cinderella.”
Meredith wrinkled her nose, but the designation of forgotten first daughter was strangely apt.
“And what about you, Princess?” Derek walked over to the couch and scooped her up. She wrapped her purple pajama-clad legs around him and Meredith’s cheeks tightened with the smile she’d worn every time he held her since the first night after they’d begun filling out adoption forms. “What does that make you?”
“One of the helper mice,” Zola said, like she’d already thought it all out. “So I get to sing, and sew, and cool stuff. You guys just get to dance.”
Derek raised his eyebrows at Meredith who shrugged back. Apparently she no longer had to worry about Zola getting the wrong idea from princess movies.
“Pictures!” Mrs. Shepherd sang out a second later. Meredith crossed her eyes at Zola to keep from rolling them. This made Zola laugh so hard it took a few minutes to get a photo that didn’t show her in open-mouthed hysterics. This was totally okay with Meredith.
After another five minutes of good night kisses, followed by goodbye kisses, Meredith and Derek finally found themselves on the other side of Mrs. Shepherd’s hotel room door. “Walk with me, Doctor Grey?” Derek asked.
She threaded her arm through his. “Of course, Doctor Shepherd.”
“Downstairs,” he said, pushing the button for the elevator. “There is a basket of carbs with your name on it.”
A beat passed while they both considered the last time he’d said that. His eyes flickered, unsure if he should have made the reference. Meredith kissed him like she’d be doing it every day for the rest of her life.
Their reservation wasn’t for another half hour. She’d been afraid of Zola’s separation anxiety kicking in and had planned for if they had to wait for her to fall asleep.
“The conversation we had must have stuck,” Meredith said after they’d ordered at the bar.
Derek pushed her hair back behind her ear. “Or she’s learned that we do come back. We always come back.”
“Yeah,” Meredith agreed. “We do.”
The bartender delivered their drinks, a shot of tequila and a double-scotch single malt sitting next to each other. “Cheers,” Meredith said, holding the shot up. Derek clinked her glass, and she downed it. The burn of the alcohol going down her throat made her cough. “God. I’m getting old.”
“Never,” Derek said. Any other time she might have wondered if she heard an undertone of fear in his voice, the ever-present worry about what might happen once she got older, but his eyes shone too brightly for that. “So,” he added, sipping his scotch. “Is this a good place to hang out?”
Meredith glanced around at the décor, which though classier than anywhere they’d been before that week, still managed to have the three-circles of Mickey’s head hidden in the weirdest places. “You know,” she said, twirling the empty shot glass on the oak bar. “I think I like it.”
Derek’s smile deepened. “Good,” he murmured. “Very good.”
“This trip,” she continued, threading her fingers with his. “It wasn’t just about making Zola happy, was it?”
“Hey, date night rules. No Z-word.”
“I didn’t use it in context.”
“Fine.” He rested his elbow on the bar, tilting his head to study her. “No. Not exactly. I knew you’d never been and I thought you’d like it.”
“You what?”
“Not the gaudy stuff, but the…atmosphere. The happy kids and the focus on family. You believe in family more than anyone I’ve ever met. I don’t know if I ever would have gotten you here if Zola wasn’t such a Disney enthusiast, but I’m glad I did.”
“Yeah. Me too. Don’t tell Cristina. Or Alex. Or Mark. Maybe Lexie.”
“Write me a list.”
“Oh, I will.” She smiled, paused for a moment to get her thoughts together then said softly, “Hey Derek?”
“Yeah?”
“I wanted to ask you-.”
“Shepherd, reservation for eight o’clock?” The hostess who they’d spoken to upon entering the restaurant came over. “We have your table ready. Please follow me.”
The next few minutes were filled with approving the wine, ordering and discussing the interior of the restaurant. Only after a busboy had put the promised bucket of carbs between them did Derek ask, “What’d you want to ask me?”
Meredith’s resolve to finally spit her question out had petered out with the end of the moment at the bar. She took a roll, breaking off a piece she intended to butter, but a second later she realized she’d ripped it to shreds. She took a second piece and repeated the performance. The third time, Derek took her hand. “Meredith? Is something wrong?”
There it was. The worry. The knowledge that the other glass slipper could have finally shattered, or whatever.
“No. Nothing’s wrong. In fact, things are really good. Really, really good. So maybe we shouldn’t rock the boat. I mean, I’ve got my fellowship, and your work on the Parkinson’s trial is just getting started. Zola’s doing so well, and before long she’ll be at school and there will be a whole new pile of things to figure out. There’s going to be a lot going on.”
“Yes, there will. But we’ve always had a lot going on. Are you worried about handling it? Because-.”
“No. That’s not what I’m worried about. I’m not worried. Not exactly. I just-.”
“Everything all right over here so far?”
Meredith sipped her wine while Derek spoke to the waiter. She should have waited until they were back in the hotel room to do this.
“You just what?” Derek asked once the man had disappeared.
Meredith took a deep breath, closed her eyes for a second then said, “I think it’s time for us to think about more kids. I want more kids.”
Derek’s eyes widened to the size of half-dollars. His free hand wrapped around the stem of his wine glass, but he didn’t bring it to his lips. “You’re serious? Of course you’re serious, I know that. I just…. Meredith that’s…it’s great, but…why now?”
“I…” She pressed her tongue to her lips. There were a ton of reasons why it made sense, ranging from timing in their lives to Zola’s age, but they weren’t what had brought her to the conclusion. “With Zola-z-word, I know-but with Zola I felt so scared at the beginning. A lot of what I did or didn’t do was based on what my mother did and how she handled things. She only had one kid. It was enough for her. Really, she couldn’t even handle one. But I didn’t want to decide to have two or more kids because of her.
“The thing is, I’ve always wanted to help the people who need it most. I may have gotten into med school with my mother’s name, but that’s not how I survived it. I made it through because I wanted desperately to become a surgeon. To heal people the way my mom had, but to help them, too. And the people who I believe need the most help are the kids who don’t have anyone to speak for them.
“I want to help those kids, Derek. Yeah. I want all the stereotypical stuff, too. Another baby now that Zola’s growing up, a sibling to keep her from getting more spoiled than she is, someone who appreciates the Muppets.”
Derek laughed and the façade of extreme seriousness that she’d managed to keep up for the past few minutes broke. She grinned at him. “And since we know we’d want to adopt this time, we won’t have to worry about the shots and the blindness.”
“True,” Derek said. “But if we made a baby, I wouldn’t say no.”
She laughed. “Neither would I.”
A second later, their food came and the conversation shifted to her upcoming fellowship. The dining room had taken on a new light for Meredith. A weight had been lifted from her shoulders, and a new feeling expanded in her chest. An excitement for the future that finishing her residency hadn’t manage to create.
“Mer?” Derek asked, back on the elevator. He had his arms around her waist, and with her back pressed to him every one of her nerves seemed attune to their plans for the rest of the evening.
“Hmm?”
“Did you think about foster-parenting? It’s basically what my mom did with Mark. I think at one point his mother even signed over a power of attorney. And you basically did it with the old house, just older children.”
Meredith laughed and rested her head on his shoulder, watching the red numbers count up to the sixth floor. “I considered it, but… I don’t think it’d be good for Zola. She needs consistency so badly.” They arrived on their floor. She separated herself only as much as necessary to walk down the hall. “And you were right when you said I’m big on family. I want to give kids who need it a family, not a temporary place.”
Derek opened their door, and while he stood there half shrouded by the dark room she added the truth. “And I don’t think I could do it. The months before Zola’s adoption got finalized were the worst of my life. I can’t get attached to a kid and have them taken away from me, Derek. I’ve lost too much for that.”
Tears bit at her eyes, and she tried to blink them away. This night should not have tears.
“Hey,” Derek wrapped her in his arms and kissed the crown of her head as if she were Zola. “Don’t cry. It’s okay. I completely understand. I don’t think I’d be strong enough to do it either. I like your plan. In fact, I love it.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” he agreed, pulling her inside and letting the door shut behind her. “But right now, there’s another plan I like even more.”
“Is there? What would that-?” Her breath caught as his fingers slid over the skin of her neck, millimeters above the zipper of her dress. His other hand snaked lower, landing first on her thigh and then over. She felt herself preparing for him even though his hand rested above two layers of fabric. “God, bedroom.”
“Patience,” Derek breathed into her ear after he’d led her through the small living room to the bedroom and her hands immediately went to his belt buckle. “We have the whole night. In fact, we have the rest of our lives.”
“Not,” she said with her mouth against his neck, “If we get another baby.”
“Good point.” He took his hands off her wrists.
A while later, they lay in tangled sheets, fingers sticky with the strawberries they’d found on the room’s table along with a bottle of champagne and a note from Mrs. Shepherd telling them to enjoy their night. (It might have been creepy if Meredith hadn’t loved strawberries so damn much)
“Meredith?” Derek whispered, draping his arm around her.
“Hmm?”
“You know this means we’ll have to become one of the families at Magic Kingdom with their multi-colored kids chained together on leashes.”
Her laughter echoed back at her in the dark room and she was still hiccupping back hysterics when she rolled on top of him again. “I’d put you on a leash,” she said, running her fingers through his hair. “But I think you’d like it too much.”
“You think right,” he agreed, then his fingers slid between her legs, and she forgot about the future for a while.
Author: chicleeblair
Rating:PG-13
Summary: Meredith Grey is used to making sacrifices for her daughter, but this time the trip she thinks will be the ultimate challenge becomes the most eye-opening experience Zola has ever given her. A slightly fluffy follow up to Searching for a Seattle Sky
“Do you think Tony and Frog will get along with Mickey?” Meredith asked Zola a few days later, parking her wheelchair next to a table at an ice cream shop in Disney’s Hollywood Studios.
“Uh huh,” Zola said, plopping her stuffed Mickey into the seat next to her. “They will.”
Meredith smiled. She figured Tony the Tiger might have been replaced by Mickey, judging by how many times Zola had let the thing out of her sight since they bought it at the Animal Kingdom two days earlier-that was to say zero.
“Here we go, then. Ice cream for everyone.” Mrs. Shepherd arrived at the table with three mouse-shaped ice cream bars.
Meredith opened Zola’s, watching her carefully for a second after she’d handed it over for signs of I-can’t-eat-Mickey rebellion. They’d had it out over the mouse ear pizza the night before. This must have been a reaction to being over tired rather than to Disney’s insistence upon making kids worship a character and then eat its likeness, because she bit into the ice cream bar happily.
“Did Derek say where he was going?”
Meredith shook her head and a shard of the coating of her ice cream dropped onto the table. She quickly brushed it off. “No. Probably to buy me something stupid. Not that I expect anything! Just, it’s the kind of thing he’d do. If it’s mouse ears, though, he’ll be a dead man.”
“What’s wrong with mouse ears, Mommy?” asked Zola, who’d allowed Meredith to put her hair back into braids only after she’d been promised she could be Minnie again on their last day.
“Nothing. I just don’t need them.”
“Mickey gave you bunny foo-foo ears in one of the pictures.” She spread two fingers into a “v” to illustrate. “Wasn’t that funny?”
“Wasn’t it just?” Mrs. Shepherd said. Meredith’s smile tightened. “I have to say, Meredith, I was impressed with you the other day. For someone who doesn’t believe in Disney, you certainly acted like you did.”
“You don’t believe in Disney, Mama? But it’s real!”
“I believe in it, Zo. Watch out, your ice cream is dripping.” She held out a napkin for Zola to use to catch the drip and met her mother-in-law’s penetrating gaze. “I told you, I never got the happiest-place-on-earth-thing. My dad wanted to take me here. He’d planned to for my sixth birthday. Mom hated the idea. I don’t think he would have won, but we left before I got to find out.
“But I remember wanting to go. I heard other kids talk about it. I saw the TV commercials. I dreamt about that kind of thing like any kid, the perfect family vacation. I just could never have it because, no family. She has a family, and she should have everything else.”
Mrs. Shepherd bit off the entire right ear of her chocolate with a decided crunch. No tiny shards fell to the table. Meredith didn’t want to actively watch her chew while she waited for a response, so she focused on her own ice cream, practically choking herself with the next bite she took. She still had half of it in her mouth by the time her mother-in-law spoke and she tried to swallow quickly. Next to her, Zola offered ice cream to Mickey and she had to thrust a hand out to stop the exchange. She didn’t think she’d be able to abscond with Mickey long enough to wash him without a full-on tantrum.
“Please don’t take offense at this, but I’ve noticed over the past few years how often you talk about wanting her to have something because you didn’t, or having a life opposite of yours.”
Meredith swallowed the last bite of her ice cream. “Um. Yeah. I pretty much had the anti-happy childhood.”
“So I’ve come to understand. As a mother, it’s hard for me to understand how yours could have been so negligent and aloof. I find myself wishing you’d lived in New York. We had a habit of taking in kids who needed a stronger family-Mark for instance. Not unlike what you did with your home for wayward residents.”
In spite of herself, Meredith smiled at the memory of her bustling house, the rooms a revolving door for whoever needed them.
Mrs. Shepherd folded her hands, resting her top lip on the edges of her fingers for a second. “I do wonder, though, is it the best way to go about making decisions for her? Your mother must have done a few things right, considering how well you turned out. She wanted you to be intelligent, as you want for Zola, right?”
Nearby a pair of pigeons fought over a popcorn kernel someone had tossed their way. Meredith nodded, focused on the battle.
“And I rather think explaining away your behavior in reference to her sells yourself short. The other day wasn’t about her, after all. It was about your love for Zola and your will to fight for her, and it was purer than your actions at the carousel. Not founded on pain.”
Meredith felt her throat tighten at the thought of herself as a lonely child on a carousel. She hadn’t been able to truly enjoy seeing Zola ride, this was true.
“It’s not my place to judge the way you’re raising her, since she’s obviously thriving. I only wanted to let you know that you’re smiling more in those pictures with Mickey Mouse than I’d ever seen you smile before. It was very nice to see.”
Meredith finally raised her eyes. “Thank you,” she said. “It…means a lot to hear that.”
“Good. I’m glad. Now tell me, is your sister going to make me a grandmother again soon?”
“I…” Meredith bit her tongue, thinking about the three pink lines she’d been sworn to secrecy about a few weeks earlier. “Oh, there’s Derek!” She waved to her husband who headed over. The grin he wore plus the bag in his hand confirmed her suspicions. He’d bought something.
“For you,” he announced holding out the bag. “It solves our debate.”
She took it, warily, and peered inside first to make absolutely sure whatever was inside could be shown to Zola. She didn’t think he could get an adults-only item at Disney World, but he’d done stranger things.
She half expected yet another piece of Doctor Mickey kitsch, but instead found a black t-shirt with both Yoda and Kermit the Frog on the front. The print said Being Green, Easy It’s Not.
She burst out laughing.
“What, what is it, Mommy?” Zola asked. She showed her the t-shirt which elicited only an “oh”. While she’d liked the MuppetVision show, Zola hadn’t even been tall enough for Star Tours. Meredith had contended this proved the superiority of the Muppets in the contest between the two non-Disney-originated 70s throwbacks in the park. Derek claimed she wasn’t even allowed to have an opinion, since both franchises had their heyday before her birth.
The argument had spawned an hour’s worth of jibes about his age and her geeky childhood tendencies, but Meredith had reveled in it. For once they got to be normal people having a normal conversation. Even though the t-shirt was one of his cornier gestures, she knew it’d be a reminder to make sure she had time when she didn’t have to be anyone other than his wife and Zola’s mother-even for just a few hours.
She hoped it wouldn’t be the only resolution she’d take away from this trip.
***
“And her braces are in the bedroom, but if you’re staying in here you shouldn’t need them. All her cathing supplies are in the bathroom, but we’ve taken care of it for the night so--.”
Mrs. Shepherd held up a hand, and for once Meredith was grateful for one of her interruptions. “Meredith. Zola and I are going to be fine. You’ve left her before, haven’t you?”
“Yes, of course.” But always with doctors who she sees once every few days, not once every few months. Even then it wasn’t a sure-bet. She’d pitched a fit during a sleepover at Callie’s place two months earlier, and she and Sofia had been best friends since day one.
“Grandma can take care of me, Mommy,” Zola said from her position on the hotel room sofa. Her voice was partially muffled by the head of the stuffed Mickey on her lap. A Disney balloon that refused to deflate was tied to his wrist. Meredith winced at the image of them traipsing through the airport the next day with the image of Mickey Mouse bobbing overhead. “And you’ll be back.”
“Of course I will,” Meredith agreed, tuning into the hint of a question mark at the end of the statement. “Daddy and I could even come get you while you’re asleep, if you want to wake up in our room.”
She would not cross her fingers behind her back. She would not.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Meredith,” Mrs. Shepherd said with the closest thing to a sly smile Meredith had ever seen on her face. “Zola will see you in the morning, all ready to go home. Isn’t that right, Zola?”
“Back to Strummer?”
“Yup,” Meredith said. “Uncle Mark is going to bring him up tomorrow, so he’ll be waiting for you.”
“Goody!” Zola said. “But I’ll miss you Grandma.”
Mrs. Shepherd smiled, and Meredith caught a glimpse of surprise in her eyes. Before she could question it there was a knock at the door. Meredith stood closest, so she leaned over to answer it, but Mrs. Shepherd ducked in front of her. “Derek.”
“Hi, Mom.” Derek leaned in to kiss his mother’s cheek, and then Mrs. Shepherd stepped aside. Meredith’s heart squeezed at the sight of him in a suit, just for her. It really had been a while since their last date. “Wow.”
Meredith ran her hands self-consciously down the front of her wine-colored dress. She and Lexie had gone shopping for it the week before, once she’d realized how long it had been since she’d bought a dress. For once, she didn’t feel totally awkward in it.
“Daddy, you look handsome,” Zola declared. “Like Prince Charming and Mommy is Cinderella.”
Meredith wrinkled her nose, but the designation of forgotten first daughter was strangely apt.
“And what about you, Princess?” Derek walked over to the couch and scooped her up. She wrapped her purple pajama-clad legs around him and Meredith’s cheeks tightened with the smile she’d worn every time he held her since the first night after they’d begun filling out adoption forms. “What does that make you?”
“One of the helper mice,” Zola said, like she’d already thought it all out. “So I get to sing, and sew, and cool stuff. You guys just get to dance.”
Derek raised his eyebrows at Meredith who shrugged back. Apparently she no longer had to worry about Zola getting the wrong idea from princess movies.
“Pictures!” Mrs. Shepherd sang out a second later. Meredith crossed her eyes at Zola to keep from rolling them. This made Zola laugh so hard it took a few minutes to get a photo that didn’t show her in open-mouthed hysterics. This was totally okay with Meredith.
After another five minutes of good night kisses, followed by goodbye kisses, Meredith and Derek finally found themselves on the other side of Mrs. Shepherd’s hotel room door. “Walk with me, Doctor Grey?” Derek asked.
She threaded her arm through his. “Of course, Doctor Shepherd.”
“Downstairs,” he said, pushing the button for the elevator. “There is a basket of carbs with your name on it.”
A beat passed while they both considered the last time he’d said that. His eyes flickered, unsure if he should have made the reference. Meredith kissed him like she’d be doing it every day for the rest of her life.
Their reservation wasn’t for another half hour. She’d been afraid of Zola’s separation anxiety kicking in and had planned for if they had to wait for her to fall asleep.
“The conversation we had must have stuck,” Meredith said after they’d ordered at the bar.
Derek pushed her hair back behind her ear. “Or she’s learned that we do come back. We always come back.”
“Yeah,” Meredith agreed. “We do.”
The bartender delivered their drinks, a shot of tequila and a double-scotch single malt sitting next to each other. “Cheers,” Meredith said, holding the shot up. Derek clinked her glass, and she downed it. The burn of the alcohol going down her throat made her cough. “God. I’m getting old.”
“Never,” Derek said. Any other time she might have wondered if she heard an undertone of fear in his voice, the ever-present worry about what might happen once she got older, but his eyes shone too brightly for that. “So,” he added, sipping his scotch. “Is this a good place to hang out?”
Meredith glanced around at the décor, which though classier than anywhere they’d been before that week, still managed to have the three-circles of Mickey’s head hidden in the weirdest places. “You know,” she said, twirling the empty shot glass on the oak bar. “I think I like it.”
Derek’s smile deepened. “Good,” he murmured. “Very good.”
“This trip,” she continued, threading her fingers with his. “It wasn’t just about making Zola happy, was it?”
“Hey, date night rules. No Z-word.”
“I didn’t use it in context.”
“Fine.” He rested his elbow on the bar, tilting his head to study her. “No. Not exactly. I knew you’d never been and I thought you’d like it.”
“You what?”
“Not the gaudy stuff, but the…atmosphere. The happy kids and the focus on family. You believe in family more than anyone I’ve ever met. I don’t know if I ever would have gotten you here if Zola wasn’t such a Disney enthusiast, but I’m glad I did.”
“Yeah. Me too. Don’t tell Cristina. Or Alex. Or Mark. Maybe Lexie.”
“Write me a list.”
“Oh, I will.” She smiled, paused for a moment to get her thoughts together then said softly, “Hey Derek?”
“Yeah?”
“I wanted to ask you-.”
“Shepherd, reservation for eight o’clock?” The hostess who they’d spoken to upon entering the restaurant came over. “We have your table ready. Please follow me.”
The next few minutes were filled with approving the wine, ordering and discussing the interior of the restaurant. Only after a busboy had put the promised bucket of carbs between them did Derek ask, “What’d you want to ask me?”
Meredith’s resolve to finally spit her question out had petered out with the end of the moment at the bar. She took a roll, breaking off a piece she intended to butter, but a second later she realized she’d ripped it to shreds. She took a second piece and repeated the performance. The third time, Derek took her hand. “Meredith? Is something wrong?”
There it was. The worry. The knowledge that the other glass slipper could have finally shattered, or whatever.
“No. Nothing’s wrong. In fact, things are really good. Really, really good. So maybe we shouldn’t rock the boat. I mean, I’ve got my fellowship, and your work on the Parkinson’s trial is just getting started. Zola’s doing so well, and before long she’ll be at school and there will be a whole new pile of things to figure out. There’s going to be a lot going on.”
“Yes, there will. But we’ve always had a lot going on. Are you worried about handling it? Because-.”
“No. That’s not what I’m worried about. I’m not worried. Not exactly. I just-.”
“Everything all right over here so far?”
Meredith sipped her wine while Derek spoke to the waiter. She should have waited until they were back in the hotel room to do this.
“You just what?” Derek asked once the man had disappeared.
Meredith took a deep breath, closed her eyes for a second then said, “I think it’s time for us to think about more kids. I want more kids.”
Derek’s eyes widened to the size of half-dollars. His free hand wrapped around the stem of his wine glass, but he didn’t bring it to his lips. “You’re serious? Of course you’re serious, I know that. I just…. Meredith that’s…it’s great, but…why now?”
“I…” She pressed her tongue to her lips. There were a ton of reasons why it made sense, ranging from timing in their lives to Zola’s age, but they weren’t what had brought her to the conclusion. “With Zola-z-word, I know-but with Zola I felt so scared at the beginning. A lot of what I did or didn’t do was based on what my mother did and how she handled things. She only had one kid. It was enough for her. Really, she couldn’t even handle one. But I didn’t want to decide to have two or more kids because of her.
“The thing is, I’ve always wanted to help the people who need it most. I may have gotten into med school with my mother’s name, but that’s not how I survived it. I made it through because I wanted desperately to become a surgeon. To heal people the way my mom had, but to help them, too. And the people who I believe need the most help are the kids who don’t have anyone to speak for them.
“I want to help those kids, Derek. Yeah. I want all the stereotypical stuff, too. Another baby now that Zola’s growing up, a sibling to keep her from getting more spoiled than she is, someone who appreciates the Muppets.”
Derek laughed and the façade of extreme seriousness that she’d managed to keep up for the past few minutes broke. She grinned at him. “And since we know we’d want to adopt this time, we won’t have to worry about the shots and the blindness.”
“True,” Derek said. “But if we made a baby, I wouldn’t say no.”
She laughed. “Neither would I.”
A second later, their food came and the conversation shifted to her upcoming fellowship. The dining room had taken on a new light for Meredith. A weight had been lifted from her shoulders, and a new feeling expanded in her chest. An excitement for the future that finishing her residency hadn’t manage to create.
“Mer?” Derek asked, back on the elevator. He had his arms around her waist, and with her back pressed to him every one of her nerves seemed attune to their plans for the rest of the evening.
“Hmm?”
“Did you think about foster-parenting? It’s basically what my mom did with Mark. I think at one point his mother even signed over a power of attorney. And you basically did it with the old house, just older children.”
Meredith laughed and rested her head on his shoulder, watching the red numbers count up to the sixth floor. “I considered it, but… I don’t think it’d be good for Zola. She needs consistency so badly.” They arrived on their floor. She separated herself only as much as necessary to walk down the hall. “And you were right when you said I’m big on family. I want to give kids who need it a family, not a temporary place.”
Derek opened their door, and while he stood there half shrouded by the dark room she added the truth. “And I don’t think I could do it. The months before Zola’s adoption got finalized were the worst of my life. I can’t get attached to a kid and have them taken away from me, Derek. I’ve lost too much for that.”
Tears bit at her eyes, and she tried to blink them away. This night should not have tears.
“Hey,” Derek wrapped her in his arms and kissed the crown of her head as if she were Zola. “Don’t cry. It’s okay. I completely understand. I don’t think I’d be strong enough to do it either. I like your plan. In fact, I love it.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” he agreed, pulling her inside and letting the door shut behind her. “But right now, there’s another plan I like even more.”
“Is there? What would that-?” Her breath caught as his fingers slid over the skin of her neck, millimeters above the zipper of her dress. His other hand snaked lower, landing first on her thigh and then over. She felt herself preparing for him even though his hand rested above two layers of fabric. “God, bedroom.”
“Patience,” Derek breathed into her ear after he’d led her through the small living room to the bedroom and her hands immediately went to his belt buckle. “We have the whole night. In fact, we have the rest of our lives.”
“Not,” she said with her mouth against his neck, “If we get another baby.”
“Good point.” He took his hands off her wrists.
A while later, they lay in tangled sheets, fingers sticky with the strawberries they’d found on the room’s table along with a bottle of champagne and a note from Mrs. Shepherd telling them to enjoy their night. (It might have been creepy if Meredith hadn’t loved strawberries so damn much)
“Meredith?” Derek whispered, draping his arm around her.
“Hmm?”
“You know this means we’ll have to become one of the families at Magic Kingdom with their multi-colored kids chained together on leashes.”
Her laughter echoed back at her in the dark room and she was still hiccupping back hysterics when she rolled on top of him again. “I’d put you on a leash,” she said, running her fingers through his hair. “But I think you’d like it too much.”
“You think right,” he agreed, then his fingers slid between her legs, and she forgot about the future for a while.