Death sucks.
Nanny's service and viewing went fine. I cried a bit at both, which was good, but both crying jags were more because I can't handle seeing others cry. I quickly folded up a couple of origami cranes and put them in the casket with her. It was difficult to see her there, all dressed in the same outfit she wore to my wedding. She looked healthier than she had in a while, which is strange considering the circumstances.
We went to my mother's for dinner on Sunday afternoon, like we do every weekend. It was very strange to be there at the dinner table without Nanny; it was like the tea party scene in Alice in Wonderland where they all just move one seat over. Eddie took Nanny's seat, I took Eddie's, and we don't need to pull the table out anymore. Mom told us to go downstairs and pick out a couple of things that we might have wanted. I took a couple of little things that I liked, and Eddie grabbed a few things as well. Walking through her downstairs apartment and seeing little holes in the cellections of things, little dustless circles where a duck or a lighthouse once sat, makes it more real that Nanny's not coming back. I'm sure that's similar to the way Mom feels, if they don't close her bedroom door and don't throw out the little vials of meds then maybe she's not really gone.
I feel bad for Mom because there's a lot of things that she'd really like to have, but she feels the need to let everyone else take things first even though she's devoted the last couple of years of her life to shuffling her schedule around and taking time out of work to take care of Nanny. In my eyes she should get first pick of things, but that's just me. Tomorrow we're going over there in the morning because we're going to scatter her ashes off of Sand Point on Prudence. We're taking the ferry and doing it out in the water. I'm not sure what we'll be doing for the rest of the day.
On the same afternoon that Nan died, I got the roses tattooed on my chest. I've yet to post pictures of them because I'm not quite sure how I feel about them; the linework isn't great at all and I feel that their shading could have been a lot better and softer rather than as harsh as it looks in my eyes.
On happier topics, Chaucer is getting bigger every day, and with his size comes the cojones to chase after Pickle, at least until she spins around and chases him around. Eddie's parents are coming down this week, and we'll be going to Mystic with them on Saturday. I'm not sure how long they'll be here for, but it will be exactly what my mother needs right now.
We went to my mother's for dinner on Sunday afternoon, like we do every weekend. It was very strange to be there at the dinner table without Nanny; it was like the tea party scene in Alice in Wonderland where they all just move one seat over. Eddie took Nanny's seat, I took Eddie's, and we don't need to pull the table out anymore. Mom told us to go downstairs and pick out a couple of things that we might have wanted. I took a couple of little things that I liked, and Eddie grabbed a few things as well. Walking through her downstairs apartment and seeing little holes in the cellections of things, little dustless circles where a duck or a lighthouse once sat, makes it more real that Nanny's not coming back. I'm sure that's similar to the way Mom feels, if they don't close her bedroom door and don't throw out the little vials of meds then maybe she's not really gone.
I feel bad for Mom because there's a lot of things that she'd really like to have, but she feels the need to let everyone else take things first even though she's devoted the last couple of years of her life to shuffling her schedule around and taking time out of work to take care of Nanny. In my eyes she should get first pick of things, but that's just me. Tomorrow we're going over there in the morning because we're going to scatter her ashes off of Sand Point on Prudence. We're taking the ferry and doing it out in the water. I'm not sure what we'll be doing for the rest of the day.
On the same afternoon that Nan died, I got the roses tattooed on my chest. I've yet to post pictures of them because I'm not quite sure how I feel about them; the linework isn't great at all and I feel that their shading could have been a lot better and softer rather than as harsh as it looks in my eyes.
On happier topics, Chaucer is getting bigger every day, and with his size comes the cojones to chase after Pickle, at least until she spins around and chases him around. Eddie's parents are coming down this week, and we'll be going to Mystic with them on Saturday. I'm not sure how long they'll be here for, but it will be exactly what my mother needs right now.