to good to be true

[chickpea2005]

i thought id tell you all about my pain! phil used to be nice when we were first going out, until the first time he hit me and cheated on me. Some of the things that the boy put me through was hell! I was broke as he always wanted to borrow money off me, and always wanted to go up in his room and watch dvds and have sex and it was meaningless. i didnt like it, and i felt that i had nothing. I wasnt loved and i was there for a quicky in his room then treated like shit. I could hold it in and i would cry and phil would push me into the corner and tell me to shut up. I hate it. and he hid it so well from his mum and brother, yet im sure they knew in a way what went on coz i would always come down with tears in my eyes or holding my arm where phil would of hit me. If only they knew what there inicent little phillip was really like. He was a monster. It was like he is the devil and treats everyone that gets close to him like shit! I guess this is all coming out now coz it was about 8 years today i first met phil round theresa and marcita, who got jelious the fact that phil liked me and ended up with her lips on his :( when we started going out! i hated being used and i hated being in that relationship, yet i kinda thought at the time there is no way that i am going to get rid of phil that easily. I plannned out my life, like moving away and doing all different sort of things. But then once we broke up, things calmed down and he went off and shagged every girl in the world and i got with paul. I know i havent told many people about him, and i dont want everyone to know. after paul i decided i would stay single. I wanted to kill myself, i was close to it. I was drinking vodka straight! I ended up in my mum and dads room on the pc and kev started to talk to me. Talking to him again bought back loads of memories and some of them wasnt so good, coz laura always accused me of being with kev and all this other crap, well he invited me to go to the hippodrome to see scroge. I didnt want to at first coz i kinda thought it was a trap and kev was gonna lead me to laura and thens he was gonna beat me up, and i didnt need that at the time. I needed a friend and kev was there and it was great, we had fun watching the show and then went back to his and played on the friends game that we played a while agao, which i kicked his ass at! lol Things started to pick up and i soon got another job as soon as i was well enough from my operation and i started to go out again, it was taking alot of time to start trusting people. But i got there in the end. After a while me and kev thought we would try going out again, lol thrid time lucky, but like always it was a bit werid and we stayed friends, which im glad we did :) he has elle and i have bugsy, both got a present from a time we went on a date to the cinema! after a while, kev gave me a username on aol to chat to, and i soon got chatting to a maybe bi-sexual female :) which was great i started to get some more confidence. we then decided to meet up, me and kev got drunk like we do, but kay turned up sober. I felt sorry for her, but we got chatting and found out we had loads in common! like billy joe from greenday. That was the first of many meetings. the second time i met kay was at mikes party. Where we kinda shared our first kiss :p nothing special just a peck coz kay got her tongue done again. then we went out again and again and i started to go up and see her in work. Started to chat to loads of other people up there and saw laura again after a long long time. :) kay became one of my best friends and i could tell her things. we even came onto each other. but nothing ever happened, and nothing ever will. :) she is like my little sister! i love her loads. Well after allt hat i started getting a bit down again that i was single, and i was soon back on anti depressants. Kay tried setting me up with matt, who i think did like me at the time. Kay knew i didnt go for looks or anything so she tried getting me with him, even though i felt a bit werid not really understanding him and chatting to kay all night, and taking pictures of her boobs and stuff! which he didnt look that impressed. Well that soon died off as after i lost my job at Carl Bro. My supervisor was the meanest person ive ever met and that knocked my confidence back again. I then said to kay, get me an application form for sainsburys and ill apply. So i did and i soon  had an interview. Then my birthday came. I was turning into an adult. I was 20, single and depressed, jobless and poor. I had kev and shiv and suzi come into town with me and had luch. Kev bought me a balloon :) it was amazing. I loved it, i then saw how well kev and shiv got along, and i soon got depressed. i left them coz suzi went back to work and i wanted to go home and see family. So kev and shiv decided to stay out, things happened and i kinda regreted how i acted. I guess i was jelious that they both just came out of a relationship and i was still single. Make things worse, i had pizza with family when i got home, mike and phil popped round, but they were going out, so i ended up in my bedroom with a bottle of vodka crying my eyes out. Kay never came round coz she had work the next day, which i nevered minded at all. so i sat there getting pissed and soon passed out. The only good thing was about my birthday was that sainsburys told me that they wanted to offer me the job. The next day i felt rough and i didnt want to live. And then my luck kinda changed. I went into sainsburys to get some stuff and phil wanted to buy easter eggs so i went to chat to kay for a bit. Phil had work that night, so i said i wouldnt be long. She was sorting out the booze at the top of an aisle, and mark was with her. Oh my god, i felt my heart beating so fast it could of jumped out of my body and went onto the floor and pumped all my blood out. He was the cutest guy ive ever seen in my life. Well my friend aaron wanted us to go ice skating the next day. and mark said he would come, and kay was off work so we all went :) phil wasnt going so i thought this is my chance for mark to see me without my lost sheep kissing my ass every second. Aparently mark thought phil was my brother or sommit. i was so excited that my luck was changing. that evening kay went onto msn and we started to organise the next day with meeting and stuff. she invited mark into the convosation and we got chatting :) i sorta releised i was crazy over him. i was so happy when we swapped numbers :D and we got onto the convo of my Big ben. lmao! i cant remember it all but it was funny. i then got off net and texted him saying goodnight :) then the next morning came and i was a bag of nervs. I decided that i would get some vodka and coke to drink if i got nevours. But i think i did well, even though we went to the pub and met aaron and matt and i was fucked out of my face. I was suprised i never chatted to mark as much as i wanted to. I think my randomness was starting to show. we then went ice skating. I was happy i never feel over, and i let mark play on my mobile. :) he was impressed with my sims 2 game. heehee. We then had some chips and went off. me, kay and mark were gonna go to thunderworld after ice skating and we tried to get aaron and matt to come. matt as always never came, but aaron did. He is always up for things, which i love about him. We get on so well and we are kinda close. He tells me things, and ditto to him! Well we went up thunder world and i was feeling sick from too much drink after going on the waltzers. so i watched everyone esle. Mark stayed off the rides with me and we got chatting and then soon hugging :) he was cold, bless him. well then by the end of the night, we went to pizza hut, but we were all feeling ill, i was buring and was so funny. Shiv went and then me, mark and kay went to bus stop. :) mark was touching my ass and kay looked like she was gonna puke everywhere. once on the bus i sat with mark and kay sat behind, i so wanted to reach out and touch him, or hug him or kiss him, but i just couldnt. i said bye to him and me and kay got off, and i was kicking myself. i said to kay i really really really like him, and she told me to tell him. So i decided to tell him, but he beat me to it :) and i still have that text. so things kinda started off from there. Now 3 months later, going out with my friends, going to alton towers, going to suzi bbq, having a few arguments we are strong, and i have never loved someone so much in my life. If you as me, fate did all this, with the help from my friendly little ghost. I turned 20 with nothing, and now being 20 and 3 months i have a close group of friends, and the most amazing boyfriend. I am curtin that he is some sort of angel and that he has come to save me from my evil past and all the things that have come and got me depressed. he is so understanding and so easy to get on well with, and has one of them faces that you cant stay mad at. looking back to when i first saw mark i knew i liked him, and i kinda felt like i already loved him, and the same at the sainsburys party. When i saw him i liked him, but he went off to chat to someone else called gemma, and i felt bad i told kay i kinda liked him by then so she knew. I then got chatting to the twins and the other kay, mark parrson who used to go to speedwell, and joe and andy and the other mark. Seeing as me and kay went out the night before and it was a bit of a heavy night, i decided to go on home, i kinda lied to kay and said that phil was picking me up, which i knew he wasnt. lol i was drunk and walking home alone. thinking of the things that was going on. grrrr i should of chatted to mark then when i had the chance. But still, i glad things have ended up how they were. and in a way, me and mark got chatting several times. it was fate trying to get us together!

Well today im in love, im  crazy for mark, i love him with all my heart. I would do anything for him. and one day we are going to get married and kev and mike will be bridemaids! and everything will be perfect! i can see it!