(no subject)
Blah. I have serious emo pains right now. I dunno why. I miss Myri..like a lot. And even though she told me not to, I still feel shitty for some stuff that happened while she was here a few weeks ago. *shrugs* It fucking sucks that i'm realizing how much she really means to me NOW, instead of when she was here. I feel like just breaking down into fucking tears. And she only left on the 20th..I still have till fucking JULY till I see her. How the hell am I gunna survive that when I can barley go a fucking week without breaking down? I hate this shit, I really do.
What's even SADDER is that I miss my friend who I blew off totally the other day. So yea he's a little stalkerish and shit, but he made me feel special. *sigh* He always told me how beautiful I was and how much he liked me. So fucking sue me I liked it, ok? I never get people telling me that shit. Except Myri. But you know what I mean. It's like..it's nice to her it from other people soemtimes, even if it's not true. *shrug* I basically blew him off because things were getting too weird between us. He basically came out and told me he was falling in love with me. Myri doesn't know. Guess she will now. She'll probably flip. I didn't know would I ever feel the same towards him. It was totaly one-sided. But he..it's over. He pissed me off so I cut off all contact. I felt like I was using him anways. I'm so fucking sorry if I makes me feel good that he liked me so much. He may be psycho but at least I have something special about me that he liked. Eh, whatever. I don't feel anything like that towards him. He's just a friend..well was. Fuck it, it's over.
Ug. I hate this shit. I want my fucking girlfriend here. NOW. Gawd is it so much to fucking ask for? Fuck. All I want is to be able to see her..to touch her..to cuddle with her..to kiss her. FUCK EVERYTHING.
I hate my life right now. I just want to curl up into a ball and die until July. Or maybe until those few days inbetween when I will be amused. Like when I get to see SP or GC or Sum 41..those will be good days. Blah. I wish Rissa was here now. I need someone to talk to or something. She had a bad dream earlier and was feeling emo..I hate when my friends are emo, it makes me emo. Coarse this time I did it to myself. Fuck. Me.
This song is my fucking theme song at the moment.
see all those people on the ground
wasting time
i try to hold it all inside
but just for tonight
the top of the world
sitting here wishing
the things I've become
that something is missing
maybe I...
but what do I know
and now it seems that i have found
nothing at all
I want to hear your voice out loud
slow it down
without it all
I'm choking on nothing
it's clear in my head
and I'm screaming for something
knowing nothing is better than knowing at all
On My Own
Blah. *sighs*
I feel so fucking alone I wanna scream..I wanna cry..I wanna die..I wanna just make it all go away. I'm not going to a fucking therapist either. Or taking anymore fucking pills. Last time I took pills for depression they made me halucinate and fucking sucidal. I'd rather be depressed, thanx.
I can't even go and spend money..what I usually do to make myself feel better. Why? Cause I have about 40 cents to my fucking name. I am so broke. I need about $800 for all my road trips and I haven't gotten ONE call back about any of the jobs I applied for. Ug, fuck them. I need a fucking job. I need money. My mom is being a bitch about all my concerts too. "You know you can't go to all of them" STFU mom it's what makes me happy, you want me to sit at home on the fucking computer and be depressed all damn day? God. Fucking bitch. Everyone is pissing me the fuck off latley. Whether it's something someone does, says, DOESN'T say, whatever..it pisses me off or gets me fucking emo.
Ug this bullshit is too long. I'm out.
What's even SADDER is that I miss my friend who I blew off totally the other day. So yea he's a little stalkerish and shit, but he made me feel special. *sigh* He always told me how beautiful I was and how much he liked me. So fucking sue me I liked it, ok? I never get people telling me that shit. Except Myri. But you know what I mean. It's like..it's nice to her it from other people soemtimes, even if it's not true. *shrug* I basically blew him off because things were getting too weird between us. He basically came out and told me he was falling in love with me. Myri doesn't know. Guess she will now. She'll probably flip. I didn't know would I ever feel the same towards him. It was totaly one-sided. But he..it's over. He pissed me off so I cut off all contact. I felt like I was using him anways. I'm so fucking sorry if I makes me feel good that he liked me so much. He may be psycho but at least I have something special about me that he liked. Eh, whatever. I don't feel anything like that towards him. He's just a friend..well was. Fuck it, it's over.
Ug. I hate this shit. I want my fucking girlfriend here. NOW. Gawd is it so much to fucking ask for? Fuck. All I want is to be able to see her..to touch her..to cuddle with her..to kiss her. FUCK EVERYTHING.
I hate my life right now. I just want to curl up into a ball and die until July. Or maybe until those few days inbetween when I will be amused. Like when I get to see SP or GC or Sum 41..those will be good days. Blah. I wish Rissa was here now. I need someone to talk to or something. She had a bad dream earlier and was feeling emo..I hate when my friends are emo, it makes me emo. Coarse this time I did it to myself. Fuck. Me.
This song is my fucking theme song at the moment.
see all those people on the ground
wasting time
i try to hold it all inside
but just for tonight
the top of the world
sitting here wishing
the things I've become
that something is missing
maybe I...
but what do I know
and now it seems that i have found
nothing at all
I want to hear your voice out loud
slow it down
without it all
I'm choking on nothing
it's clear in my head
and I'm screaming for something
knowing nothing is better than knowing at all
On My Own
Blah. *sighs*
I feel so fucking alone I wanna scream..I wanna cry..I wanna die..I wanna just make it all go away. I'm not going to a fucking therapist either. Or taking anymore fucking pills. Last time I took pills for depression they made me halucinate and fucking sucidal. I'd rather be depressed, thanx.
I can't even go and spend money..what I usually do to make myself feel better. Why? Cause I have about 40 cents to my fucking name. I am so broke. I need about $800 for all my road trips and I haven't gotten ONE call back about any of the jobs I applied for. Ug, fuck them. I need a fucking job. I need money. My mom is being a bitch about all my concerts too. "You know you can't go to all of them" STFU mom it's what makes me happy, you want me to sit at home on the fucking computer and be depressed all damn day? God. Fucking bitch. Everyone is pissing me the fuck off latley. Whether it's something someone does, says, DOESN'T say, whatever..it pisses me off or gets me fucking emo.
Ug this bullshit is too long. I'm out.