we have been listening to the same tape for days

[chickenvoices]

a year a year a year phantom days pass...you know...and then suddenly it has been a new year and you are smoking different ciggeretes hanging out at Merritts house and watching the hours pass...i like it because when im hungry i eat and when im sleepy i find Nate and we fit into my single bed and i talk about pushing him off high heights and such things that no would understand even if they could and Leah she begs to stay in my room and throws nine dollars in change around and i pick it up in the morning take a bong hit and show up for work two hours early but i dont feel like time is wasted...because everyone is still awake and i can go down stairs at any moment and have a very tall boy wrap his arms around me...and smuge up his glasses and drink vitamin water....and listen to Sandy talk ...i love to hear it and see it and be here...and think about spending time under my cold sheets when i get home at ungodly hours...and my eyes are shut...i can imagine smiling in my sleep...and morgan found a boy and and and and the leaves are changing colors and im still drinking coffee more then i should and rachel got me a bracelet from costa rica and i wear it and try not to break it....and i feel like i know more then i did and im planning now and i want so badly to cut cut cut hair instead of my wrists....that seems sad but really it is more hopeful then you know...and i have a brother now....and i have seen things and been places and it was bad yes at moments but it was so good too.... i want to sing sing sing...and eat another brownie...and realize that things arnt as motionless as i thought they were... ppppp Megan