Bugginess And DIY Drama
Buggy was making a huge mess this morning with her little plastic dishes and crayons.
Me: Buggy, do you think we could put some of this away?
Buggy: *formulates a plan, walks over to me and starts rubbing the palms of her hands down my face* Mo-o-o-ommy... Mo-o-o-o-o-ommy... Can you hear me?
Me: Umm, yeah? What are you doing, freak?
Buggy: *starts waggling fingers in my face* Nothing... Nothing at aaaaaall.
Me: *amused* Let's pick up some toys.
Buggy: *still waggling fingers* Close your eyeeeees.
Me: *closes eyes just to see where this will go*
Buggy: *switches back to the face rubbing thing* Go to sleeeep. Sleeeeeep, not tooooooys.
Me: *highly amused* What are you doing?
Buggy: *still with the face rubbing* Nothing... Nothing at aaaall. *stuffs a crayon in my mouth* Eat this and go to sleeeeeeep.
Me: Jedi mind tricks don't work on me.
Buggy: 'Cause you're a ninja?
Me: Yes.
Buggy: Damn it, Mommy! What's wrong with you?!? *starts picking up toys*
And then we had an argument about where milk comes from.
We were watching Dr. 90210 and there was this tiny asian plastic surgeon chick about to have a c-section. She was all "I want the smallest incision possible!" so there'd be less scarring. I should also add the c-section was by choice so as not to wreck her precious little vagina. Has anyone told her vaginas are elastic like that and everything goes back to normal in a few weeks? Jesus, lady, you're a fucking plastic surgeon! Not happy with your junk? Trot off to the bathroom with cuticle scissors and a roll of duct tape and fix it yourself! I know a lot of people who have had c-sections and from what I've seen, that shit's not fun. Stick with the intended escape hatch and go for the c-section as a last resort, man. So, anyway... The obstetrician makes this tiny ass incision and barely squeaks the baby out. Kid weighed five freaking pounds. How small was that incision?
But I digress...
Buggy: Mommy! They're dying that baby!
Me: No, he's cool. He's being born.
Buggy: *ponders* Will he drink boobie milk?
Me: *peeks down front of shirt, considers scheduled c-section and tiny incision* Probably not.
Buggy: Will he drink milk from the refrigerator?
Me: Did you know that's boobie milk too?
Buggy: No way!
Me: Way! It comes from a cow's boobie.
Buggy: *astonished* No! It comes from the refrigerator!
Me: Yeah, but before it gets to the refrigerator, it has to come out of a cow's boobie.
Buggy: *totally freaked* What?!? No...! *ponders milk* Are you sure it doesn't come from a cow's butt?
Me: I sure as hell hope not.
And now she's scarred for life.
And OMG! There was drama on Stylelicious the other day! Vickie Howell and Hope Perkins were totally sniping at each other. It was the Highschool Revisited episode, so maybe that's why. They rerun it all the time so if you get a chance to see it, tell me what you think.
And that's that. I'm off like a prom dress.