(no subject)
so i am finally back from Guadalajara... in an air conditioned apartment with wireless internet. it is such a relief to be home, but my sister is already being a pain. she has suddenly decided that she needs a change of scenery and would like to relocate to Ohio to live around my cousins. The idea rips me up inside and every time that she brings it up, I start to cry. I came home tonight at 10:55 pm and enter my room to see that it has been packed full of her shit. I try to bring my stuff into the walk in closet because there is no room in the bedroom, and that too has been filled to the brim with her shit, as well as the cat's litter box. I go into her room to find that the closet which I spent about $200 fixing up with bins, and hangers and the like, has been packed full of her shit, as well. I start making some smart ass comments about how if shoes are too big for someone, one does not buy them... rather than sticking a sock in the toe in order to prevent one's heel from slipping out. And about the fact that she was yet to unpack a suitcase from our Thanksgiving trip to New York. I find these things terrifying and joke about them as a way to relieve the tension that I feel when I think about the life that my sister leads. So, she gets pissed at me and I finally realize that Ohio might be great for her. She won't have me to come save her 24 year old ass... coming home every break to spend the entire time scouring her apartment to make it presentable for guests, trying to encourage her to work out with me so that she won't hate herself, trying to make her stop spending money that she doesn't have so that she won't use up all of the money that my dad left her when he died. We are so different, and I love her so much, but I just don't know what to do with her anymore. So, maybe Ohio is a good idea, maybe it will make her grow up, maybe it will give me freedom from the burden of worrying about what mistake she is going to make next. I am sick of worrying about my big sister. I am sick of trying to change her mind about living in a pig sty. One would think that growing up in the house that we did, we would do everything in our power not to end up with a messy house, a place that we are embarrassed to have guests over at... but my sister resorts to the same habits as our mother, and I feel just as uncomfortable here as I did in my mom's house. Well, it is 1:38 in the morning, and I don't have to get up for church until 7:45, so it looks like I am going to be doing some house cleaning, because I can't sleep surrounded by filfth. Wish me luck.