the endless day
i just studied for 15 hours, then i looked up people from my highschool on myspace haha, then i just cried when i read an unread message - but i really want to keep it so deal with it. its a reminder for myself in a year or so when i actually log on my actual page again that i have to be a man for the rest of my life, and that anything less is unacceptable. and im not sad, trust me, because this is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.
My lil Billy,
You're ignoring me again and it's driving me nuts. I'm so nervous about my job tomorrow and I would really just love to hear your voice. I went shopping today to buy a skirt for your graduation and then I had to wonder if you'd still be ignoring me by then. I really could fucking kick myself for how I acted Thursday, and trust me I would have never started acting like that if the drugs hadn't amplified times a million the bummer I was goin through that you were only going to be there for a day and I wasn't going to be able to take you out for the night I had planned. I just miss you, and I'm trying so so hard to be patient. If we lived closer to eachother this problem wouldn't keep coming up. These stupid shit fests I keep putting you through wouldn't be happening. Its not fair this isn't me at all. I want to kiss you like we used to kiss and hold your hand. I want to hear you sing in the shower and watch you poop and pick your nose. I want to smack your cute lil booty and I want you to grab mine ;). I want to hear those annoying rap songs you go off with a million times a day oh god how I want to hear them. I go out just about every night and have a great time and towards the end of it, all I can think about is how awesome it would be to top the night off with tacos.. Then you of course :-) Whether were out together or doing our own things I just want to be able to retreat to a warm bed with you after whatever and put your stinky feet on mine, and I don't even care if you're too hot to cuddle or too tired to have sex because I just love waking up to your eyes. I want to go on trips with you and I want to visit friends in other cities with you and I want to cook dinner with you and I want to take acid when were 50 years old and run around disney world on senior day til we get kicked out for peeing in a fountain or something. I trust you more than anyone I know and there is no one I'd rather see after a long day at work, and theres no one else I want to hear rant about a shitty night of poker, because compared to you all of these people are fucking worthless. I realize this is a crazy time for you, finally completely on your own. Real life decisions and real life consequences and no one to pay your way if you fuck up a bit. I've been there, I am there, and thats half the reason I'm so stressed out all the time. To have someone completely support you is all you can really look for and I want you to know that whatever decision you make, I support it. And if you fuck up, no matter how bad it is, I'll be there for you, loving you unconditionally. I just hope I'm a part of whatever you decide to do/ wherever you decide to go, because I want to be a part of you. Never to smother you with anything other than kisses. Please call me Bill, no matter how late you get this. Call me to yell, call me to talk, call me to tell me you love me/hate me whatever just pick up the phone and dial this isn't fair. I love you.
<3 C-Blanket lady
P.S. Did I mention how nice and warm it is here in my blanket? It's so ridiculously warm and comfortable. BTW, the password was to spin around three times and clap. But you could have just just attacked and beat me to the ground. I can't believe you didn't figure that out.
P.P.S. I need to know your schedule/the schedule of anyone wanting to participate, cause I think I have the best best idea for your graduation/christmas present. :-D
OKAY BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My lil Billy,
You're ignoring me again and it's driving me nuts. I'm so nervous about my job tomorrow and I would really just love to hear your voice. I went shopping today to buy a skirt for your graduation and then I had to wonder if you'd still be ignoring me by then. I really could fucking kick myself for how I acted Thursday, and trust me I would have never started acting like that if the drugs hadn't amplified times a million the bummer I was goin through that you were only going to be there for a day and I wasn't going to be able to take you out for the night I had planned. I just miss you, and I'm trying so so hard to be patient. If we lived closer to eachother this problem wouldn't keep coming up. These stupid shit fests I keep putting you through wouldn't be happening. Its not fair this isn't me at all. I want to kiss you like we used to kiss and hold your hand. I want to hear you sing in the shower and watch you poop and pick your nose. I want to smack your cute lil booty and I want you to grab mine ;). I want to hear those annoying rap songs you go off with a million times a day oh god how I want to hear them. I go out just about every night and have a great time and towards the end of it, all I can think about is how awesome it would be to top the night off with tacos.. Then you of course :-) Whether were out together or doing our own things I just want to be able to retreat to a warm bed with you after whatever and put your stinky feet on mine, and I don't even care if you're too hot to cuddle or too tired to have sex because I just love waking up to your eyes. I want to go on trips with you and I want to visit friends in other cities with you and I want to cook dinner with you and I want to take acid when were 50 years old and run around disney world on senior day til we get kicked out for peeing in a fountain or something. I trust you more than anyone I know and there is no one I'd rather see after a long day at work, and theres no one else I want to hear rant about a shitty night of poker, because compared to you all of these people are fucking worthless. I realize this is a crazy time for you, finally completely on your own. Real life decisions and real life consequences and no one to pay your way if you fuck up a bit. I've been there, I am there, and thats half the reason I'm so stressed out all the time. To have someone completely support you is all you can really look for and I want you to know that whatever decision you make, I support it. And if you fuck up, no matter how bad it is, I'll be there for you, loving you unconditionally. I just hope I'm a part of whatever you decide to do/ wherever you decide to go, because I want to be a part of you. Never to smother you with anything other than kisses. Please call me Bill, no matter how late you get this. Call me to yell, call me to talk, call me to tell me you love me/hate me whatever just pick up the phone and dial this isn't fair. I love you.
<3 C-Blanket lady
P.S. Did I mention how nice and warm it is here in my blanket? It's so ridiculously warm and comfortable. BTW, the password was to spin around three times and clap. But you could have just just attacked and beat me to the ground. I can't believe you didn't figure that out.
P.P.S. I need to know your schedule/the schedule of anyone wanting to participate, cause I think I have the best best idea for your graduation/christmas present. :-D
OKAY BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!