(no subject)
You know, I figure, if you think about it, you can be as depressed as you want, but somewhere, there has to be a facade. I do it to cheer myself up most days, when I act happy I forget my bad feelings. and it works, til small things bring out tears. There is nothing wrong with crying. not at all. In fact its really a good thing. I enjoy crying. lol, as stupid as that sounds. and yet. feeling sorry for yourself is not the answer. So, you must think positively in the best way, and lift yourself up, because friends are great. But in the world Ive lived to grow into, you dont have just one best friend. I remember, when I was young, ignorant, and my best friend was C-B, every day we conquered the world together. Then she had to move. She wasnt my neighbor anymore, she was no longer 3 houses down, she was streets apart. I still saw her at school, but we couldnt pretend, act, climb trees, and fall down and knock the wind out of you lol.
Then after you lose contact with her you make a new best friend, you go to her house everyday..and then another twist of faight. her mom gets a job in New Jersey, you think she is going to have to move there, but then...Her dad interfers and now she lives in Mason. No more talking everyday, no more phone conversations, just days where we happen to have sleepovers, but what do my old best friends know anymore, Im a different person.
and now, right. I have not a best friend. No one I can simply confide in my girlish wish of getting my crush to go out with me. In fact I like 2! people. But I ont want to tell anybody. No one. NONE. I simply just dont want to let it out. Im happier now adays. Dan is practically my best friend. but not exactly, cause well...its complicated. and sure, I mean there is Jill Kelly and Mer. OF COURSE! they are the best friends I could ask for. But there is small disappointments every day. Its nothing big, and you live threw it, but with so many people to share something, you dont tell everyone. and some details you are left out on. I just feel as if when I confide in one, It is my duty as a best friend to confide in all of them, which I do, I really do...but its different then what I remembered. I think its just the society we live in today.
Sadly Im almost afraid to say I miss Dan. He's at his play, and Im kinda scared, cause he looked so bad today, he felt sick, and he almost looked depressed. I dont know.
on to other subjects while I ramble...
Affection. Have you noticed, once you enter 8th grade and beyond, affection always makes people question your actions? I hate that. I really do..
and how you can say I love you to someone, and the mere use of the word gets you in trouble...someone you deeply care for, someone you would give your life for, and you say it, and they laugh and go, "your kidding right?"
I dont know, I just want to be hugged. kissed even...Maybe I am a little Desperate, a little sad, a little messed up. But I guess its better than knowing nothing.
Then after you lose contact with her you make a new best friend, you go to her house everyday..and then another twist of faight. her mom gets a job in New Jersey, you think she is going to have to move there, but then...Her dad interfers and now she lives in Mason. No more talking everyday, no more phone conversations, just days where we happen to have sleepovers, but what do my old best friends know anymore, Im a different person.
and now, right. I have not a best friend. No one I can simply confide in my girlish wish of getting my crush to go out with me. In fact I like 2! people. But I ont want to tell anybody. No one. NONE. I simply just dont want to let it out. Im happier now adays. Dan is practically my best friend. but not exactly, cause well...its complicated. and sure, I mean there is Jill Kelly and Mer. OF COURSE! they are the best friends I could ask for. But there is small disappointments every day. Its nothing big, and you live threw it, but with so many people to share something, you dont tell everyone. and some details you are left out on. I just feel as if when I confide in one, It is my duty as a best friend to confide in all of them, which I do, I really do...but its different then what I remembered. I think its just the society we live in today.
Sadly Im almost afraid to say I miss Dan. He's at his play, and Im kinda scared, cause he looked so bad today, he felt sick, and he almost looked depressed. I dont know.
on to other subjects while I ramble...
Affection. Have you noticed, once you enter 8th grade and beyond, affection always makes people question your actions? I hate that. I really do..
and how you can say I love you to someone, and the mere use of the word gets you in trouble...someone you deeply care for, someone you would give your life for, and you say it, and they laugh and go, "your kidding right?"
I dont know, I just want to be hugged. kissed even...Maybe I am a little Desperate, a little sad, a little messed up. But I guess its better than knowing nothing.