Need to Stop Sucking
I'm not sure if it's possible though...
I've started to realise that maybe I'm just not cut out for the whole being human thing. I sometimes think I would have been better off as a dog or something.
Actually right now my main concern is how cold I feel and the fact that today all I've had is a cheap £1 microwave lasagna and have nothing else in and can't afford anything else despite being bloody hungry. This might just be a symptom of the whole sucking at life thing.
I didn't always suck at the whole being a productive and responsible member of society. There was a time that doesn't really feel all that long ago when I had a wellish paid job, I lived in a semi detached house and had a garden and a shed (actually it was more a workshop it was huge). I could afford to have emergencies and go abroad on holiday and do pretty much whatever I felt like when I felt like doing it. My bank trusted me, I had credit available whenever I needed it. I never went hungry and I could always afford to go out atleast once or twice a week without it being a major financial consideration...
Yeah sure I hated my job, I became a physical and a mental wreck. I started to drink heavily and in the end managed to make myself redundant by telling the company how it could automate my job...
I've never been the sort of person that identifies themselves by their job, I do the job and thats it, I identify me by the things I enjoy doing. What I did in the evenings and the people I loved to hang out with. Since I was made redundant it feels like C.V. never even gets a brief look through before being summarily chucked in the bin, and I guess it sort of feels like a large part of what I use to define myself has died with my employability. I never enjoyed working but it provided the resources for me to be me... Now I'm just being myself as best I can and failing.
There are times I feel like all I'm doing is being a goldfish in a bowl... I need a job... And to start not sucking...
I've started to realise that maybe I'm just not cut out for the whole being human thing. I sometimes think I would have been better off as a dog or something.
Actually right now my main concern is how cold I feel and the fact that today all I've had is a cheap £1 microwave lasagna and have nothing else in and can't afford anything else despite being bloody hungry. This might just be a symptom of the whole sucking at life thing.
I didn't always suck at the whole being a productive and responsible member of society. There was a time that doesn't really feel all that long ago when I had a wellish paid job, I lived in a semi detached house and had a garden and a shed (actually it was more a workshop it was huge). I could afford to have emergencies and go abroad on holiday and do pretty much whatever I felt like when I felt like doing it. My bank trusted me, I had credit available whenever I needed it. I never went hungry and I could always afford to go out atleast once or twice a week without it being a major financial consideration...
Yeah sure I hated my job, I became a physical and a mental wreck. I started to drink heavily and in the end managed to make myself redundant by telling the company how it could automate my job...
I've never been the sort of person that identifies themselves by their job, I do the job and thats it, I identify me by the things I enjoy doing. What I did in the evenings and the people I loved to hang out with. Since I was made redundant it feels like C.V. never even gets a brief look through before being summarily chucked in the bin, and I guess it sort of feels like a large part of what I use to define myself has died with my employability. I never enjoyed working but it provided the resources for me to be me... Now I'm just being myself as best I can and failing.
There are times I feel like all I'm doing is being a goldfish in a bowl... I need a job... And to start not sucking...