%$&*#!!!!
THIS IS MY MOAN ABOUT FUCKING LIFE POST!!!
It is less than one week till christmas and I have a total of 5 people sorted for presents...
5!
That is the smallest of my troubles.
Had a huge blow today. The cat I grew up with had to go to the vet. He has had a water fixation for a while, but it's gone crazy recently, you can't turn on the shower or a tap without him wanting in on it. We got him when I was seven and he was mine, so I am really attatched to him, but he'd lost so much weight and wasn't eating...
... the vet said either spend lots of money and put him through alot of stress or get him put down before he got alot worse. I am against putting any living creature to sleep, especially one that can't decide for itself. I told mum to make the decision, said I wouldn't be angry if she did what she believed, which is ending his suffering, but I was against putting him to sleep.
And, there we go, I am now catless. And I am the one who has to drive his body home this afternoon. I was against the idea and I still feel like a murderer.
That, and I havn't heard from Junji in four days. i think he might be angry at me for running away at the airport, but he went through the ticket line as son as the flight was called without a word to me and was gone, a barrier of a ticket lady and a desk between us, but it was all the gap in the world when i wasn't ready for it. It hurt so much that, after all my getting ready for the moment where I say 'see ya later', it was gone before I had a chance to get a last hug, or a private note in each other ears, I wasn't ready and I ran, before I screamed the airport down in hysterics. My heart's preparation wasn't complete.
By the time I had come to my senses he had boarded the plane. I stood by as other people boarded and hoped he saw me through the window, but I don't like my chances. I havn't heard from him again even though he would have still been in the country in Auckland when i tried to ring his cell, and have e-mail him my apologies for running without a word. Four days with no contact has made me feel so sick. I am not hungry but eat far too much. I constantly feel like throwing up and I just want to cry, in fear that he was offended so much that, in the 16 hours that it took him to get back to Japan, he had stewed over what had happened and deemed me not worth knowing.
I know that is ridiculous, but such a long time stewing over that would not help things...
I wanna curl up in a little ball and hide from the world. I haqve graduated from university, my boyfriend is gone, my cat is gone, I work in a supermarket and I have about $10 in my bank account when I need $2000 to get to Japan with.
I miss my boy, I know I'll miss my cat. My heart and all lines of work I want are in Japan. I have to draw but i can't and my room is so messy I don't want to begin scratching the surface of organising it.
Please have Junji get in touch with me soon
Not feeling the love
Manda
EDIT: Junji left me a note on MSN. Short one just saying hi. Feeling slightly more loved.
Miss my cat, but at least my stomach knots are disappearing
Thanks you guys
It is less than one week till christmas and I have a total of 5 people sorted for presents...
5!
That is the smallest of my troubles.
Had a huge blow today. The cat I grew up with had to go to the vet. He has had a water fixation for a while, but it's gone crazy recently, you can't turn on the shower or a tap without him wanting in on it. We got him when I was seven and he was mine, so I am really attatched to him, but he'd lost so much weight and wasn't eating...
... the vet said either spend lots of money and put him through alot of stress or get him put down before he got alot worse. I am against putting any living creature to sleep, especially one that can't decide for itself. I told mum to make the decision, said I wouldn't be angry if she did what she believed, which is ending his suffering, but I was against putting him to sleep.
And, there we go, I am now catless. And I am the one who has to drive his body home this afternoon. I was against the idea and I still feel like a murderer.
That, and I havn't heard from Junji in four days. i think he might be angry at me for running away at the airport, but he went through the ticket line as son as the flight was called without a word to me and was gone, a barrier of a ticket lady and a desk between us, but it was all the gap in the world when i wasn't ready for it. It hurt so much that, after all my getting ready for the moment where I say 'see ya later', it was gone before I had a chance to get a last hug, or a private note in each other ears, I wasn't ready and I ran, before I screamed the airport down in hysterics. My heart's preparation wasn't complete.
By the time I had come to my senses he had boarded the plane. I stood by as other people boarded and hoped he saw me through the window, but I don't like my chances. I havn't heard from him again even though he would have still been in the country in Auckland when i tried to ring his cell, and have e-mail him my apologies for running without a word. Four days with no contact has made me feel so sick. I am not hungry but eat far too much. I constantly feel like throwing up and I just want to cry, in fear that he was offended so much that, in the 16 hours that it took him to get back to Japan, he had stewed over what had happened and deemed me not worth knowing.
I know that is ridiculous, but such a long time stewing over that would not help things...
I wanna curl up in a little ball and hide from the world. I haqve graduated from university, my boyfriend is gone, my cat is gone, I work in a supermarket and I have about $10 in my bank account when I need $2000 to get to Japan with.
I miss my boy, I know I'll miss my cat. My heart and all lines of work I want are in Japan. I have to draw but i can't and my room is so messy I don't want to begin scratching the surface of organising it.
Please have Junji get in touch with me soon
Not feeling the love
Manda
EDIT: Junji left me a note on MSN. Short one just saying hi. Feeling slightly more loved.
Miss my cat, but at least my stomach knots are disappearing
Thanks you guys