What just happened...?

[chickadee8886]

I'm not good about keeping my emotions down in the pit of my stomach. I'm pretty much scared shitless about every aspect of my life. Graduation, real life, grad school, etc. My dad's 50th birthday was this weekend, and there was a video of my dad's life. Real nice, well done. Hard to swallow. There was a picture of my dad, my mom, and me and Sarah. That could've been my family. I am having such a hard time. I'm not over it, though sometimes I pretend I am. I guess I have to come to grips with it. And now I'm scared. It's "complicated" right now and that doesn't sit right with me. Am I going to have kids that end up being subjected to these feelings of rejection like I am? Are they going to stay up late at night and worry about the things I do? Are they going to be left feeling used and empty and confused like I am? I want to know certain things. Some things I just don't understand. I hate feeling this way.

-What are you afraid of?
--I don't know.
-Don't walk out on me.

~I think about you all the time
But I don't need to say
It's lonely where you are
Come back down
And I won't tell your name.~