my crazy life
Just when things start to get better it starts all over again. I have been seeing someone for the past few months things have been great now after we got over the hole family stuff. My father has problems with me dateing outside my race. Ofcourse the one man who cares about me is black and that was a big problem. I started out by telling my father we were just friends and we were but things have become more than that of course. How can I not care about this sweet careing man. He opens doors for me, takes me out, cooks me dinner and cooks for me. He even suprises me with gifts and just other out of the blue stuff. Well anyways my father finally was cool with the fact that I have a black friend and I told him that was it. But last night about a week or so after everything was calm it all blows up in my face again. He doesn't want me to see him, he wants to talk to him. I just want the pain of all this to end. I want to be happy and I dont understand why people dont want me to be happy. My friends understand and if they aren't for it they just are happy because Im happy but my family doesn't understand it. They put me down and make me feel like shit for being open minded and for looking whats on the inside and not whats on the outside. If only they could understand Im so confused. I done something very very stupid last night but I dont regret it. It sounds bad but I wish I would have just died and been able to start over again. It's very selfish but I want to end it and be able to be happy but I will hurt the people who love me. Im so confused I know that most likely Im just mummbleing on and makeing no scence but it helps me to get it all out. If anyone has any works of advice please please send them my way anything!!!