oxygen
I will not be able to explain this perfectly because I'm high on life right now. Let's just say I sat across from my former self tonight. I hung out with the woman I was roommates with while in the mental hospital back in December. She sat across from me and tried to convince me of her worthlessness and I sat across from her and gave her my all. I gave her every bit of any reason why she was worth something. She's an atheist like me and sometimes it's hard for our type to believe we effect anything, anyone, any bit. It's hard to convince us we are something. I told her some of the the things I've learned, reasons I've come to for being important, from the most minute to the largest. She told me that all she's doing right now is hanging on to life and I told her that I expect nothing more from her right now, that if that's all she can do, I'll take it as long as she at least does that. I told her of her worth, how I found some of my own, how I think we fit in to life and the things coming out of my mouth about life, me who I am, my worth, who we are, shocked me, but it was the truth. They are the "things" I've come to through the fucking deep, dark journey I was on during the past year and a 1/2. I promised her that I would worry about her because she doesn't know how that feels. I promised her this, not to reward myself, but hoping that she'll see that life is a reward. I don't know. I know I still get down on myself, but the light has shifted, I hate bright light, unless it's shed on my worth, self esteem, self confidence.