Stale Guilt Fritter

[chicanestar]

I've continued to wake up around 4:30 or 5:00 in the morning, way too hot and hungry to go back to sleep, or at least not before 7:00 or so, at which point I sleep until 10:00 with my face in the mattress, a bad idea all around. This morning I did the version where I woke up and didn't go back to sleep, but have felt just a little too tired all day to do anything, but haven't effectively rested because I feel guilty about NOT doing anything. I should've just given myself permission to take a nap at ten in the morning, but that idea did not occur to me until late this afternoon. In fifteen minutes I'm supposed to go over to a friend's house to have dinner. It will certainly serve to get me out of the house, but I've got that slightly insane overtired feeling, like everything is pulled a bit tight around the edges and my heart is beating just a little too fast, etc. My mother went into solving mode and so I have socks in the freezer to put in a cooler by my bed tonight for the hot feet (the feet are the worst) and I'll set up bedside snack station to see if that makes going back to sleep possible. I hope so. This has been going on for about a month and a half now and it is interfering with my life. My mom wonders if it's hormonal--being too hot at night is a notable feature of both pregnancy and menopause. Why my hormones--which are strictly controlled by taking the same pill every day--might have gone wacky on me is an open question, but it certainly wouldn't be the first time that my body has come up with its own special response to something. I've spent the last month and a half hoping that the aggravating factors--the 3:30 birds, the heat, my allergies, not enough weight on me when I'm sleeping, etc. etc.--would go away and the problem would be solved, but it continues to happen. I guess I'll have to start thinking about sources. Sigh...

I'd better get moving. I've got friends to see. And it may very well perk me up. I hope so.