i don't even know what to think about things anymore..
Dani moved me completely off of her top friends list on myspace.. yea.. completely gone.. she's never even told me she's mad at me.. but whatever.. i can feel the immaturity level rising...
I was sick friday.. came into work for an hour and got sent home, but my friends still managed to drag me out to the ugly monkey friday night (that place where i was the weekend after my birthday.. you know.. the pictures i posted.. with the pole and everything).. well.. I went with Ashlee.. none of the other girls went.. they decided to go to kings island in ohio on sunday so they were saving money.. neither Ashlee nor I got invited.. to kings island or to jess's party she had saturday night.. but anyway.. i'm really glad i drove separately downtown friday b/c i would have been stuck.. billy and cory left with the girls.. they just ditched ray there.. didn't even tell him they were leaving.. what an asshole move.. seriously.. i saw them leave and went in to let ray know they were gone.. he had no idea they were even leaving.. and none of us knew where they were going.. so i got stuck taking ray back to billy's after the bar closed.. ray passed out in the car on the way there.. like dead asleep and snoring really loud.. billy wasn't home.. i wasn't about to just roll ray out into the parking lot.. but i kinda wanted to go home.. i really wasn't feeling like sleeping in my car.. and i knew i couldn't take ray to my parent's house..they've never met him or probably even heard of him.. so scott came and got me.. and i left my car for ray to sleep in.. and scott and i went to my parent's house and we even slept in my bed together.. lol.. so when we woke up at like noon on saturday we kinda had to sneak out of the house really fast and scott took me back to my car.. where ray was no longer there.. and billy still wasn't back.. i'd have been so pissed.. i hope ray's not mad at me for just ditching him there.. but hey.. i gotta take care of myself too.. i at least left him the car and a pillow right? i didn't do anything but sleep all day saturday though.. got up and went out to hollingshead's for like an hour.. then went home again and slept.. i wanted to go see ben fold's saturday night but it didn't happen.. sigh..
last night i went out to tice's house.. we hung out there for a minute and then went to this bar b/c i wanted to play pool.. but this little rinky dink bar only had one pool table.. and it was broken.. so we just chilled and had like one beer then went back to his house where he and i had deep conversation.. he told me he'd really like me if i got my shit together.. that i'm doing a lot better than i was when he first met me though.. b/c i was like.. "am i not trying or something?" b/c I'm moving out next friday into an apt with ashlee.. (tice said he'd help me move.. but so did scott.. and i'm not really counting on either one of them to be honest).. but it just upsets me.. i don't understand how he thinks i'm irresponsible.. when i'm always responsible enough to be able to drive his drunk ass home.. like how i drove his truck to and from this bar last night b/c he had already been drinking before and he was drinking there and i was like.. yea.. i don't want you to drive me.. so i drove! he obviously trusts me enough with his stuff.. like to let me drive his truck ALL THE TIME like he does..or stay at his house completely by myself like he does a lot.. so i don't get what's wrong with me? i think he just wants to fuck with my head again.. and i'm going to try really hard to not let him.. i told him i'm going to practice abstinence for year..and i just might stick to that...
well.. i'm still feeling really shitty.. in fact.. i'm wearing my sunglasses at work b/c the light.. and i mean ANY light at all.. hurts my eyes majorly bad...
hope everyone is doing much better than i am
*hugs*
-TAMMIE