I think Riley is me. Ugh. I was really hoping she wouldn't be and seeing how well liked she was in preschool and all of the invitations that she gets in kindergarten, was giving me hope. She's been invited to a few parties where the mom told me that she was the only one from school invited. But here she is with two friends over and they're leaving her out, but it's kind of her fault and I see her getting hurt about it, and ugh.
I'm also worried about the fact that she's nearly a full year younger than the other girls. I can see a difference emotionally for sure.
I don't know if I'm ready for all the girl drama and cliques and seeing how I still have to deal with it as an adult....I just hope she doesn't have a rough road ahead. I may be over-reacting, but as a shy girl myself and an introvert to boot, it makes things harder. I was hoping she'd be one of those loud, outgoing, "in your face" girls that have a million friends. Scott said she was absolutely awful at the daddy/daughter dance, not talking to anyone even though kids said hi to her and invited her to dance with them and looking away when they came up to her. I was a painfully shy kid and I remember doing things like that too.
I still feel like the odd woman out ALWAYS. In mom play groups, in the neighborhood, in my high school friend group, at work....
I'm just feeling over-emotional. Just everything together. I'm feeling crowded in my house. It was supposed to be a starter home, but the market crashed, so our house lost $70,000 in equity, and so we're stuck, yet a former snotty coworker who everything comes easy for, is a building a house and somehow sold her duplex in this awful Chicago area housing market. I'm the only one not clicking with anybody from work and my one close work friend is making tons of friends, and I'm feeling left out. Gabriel got assessed for speech last week and was supposed to be released, but his therapist thinks he needs more help. On FB, I see that a toddler who is exactly Gabriel's age to the week said, "Hi, Doctor Smiley! I am ready for my checkup!" while all Gabriel would say is, "No no, Doctor." just stung a bit. Scott's cousin just got married, and I find myself extremely jealous of that wedding planning/honeymoon period, where everything is fun and new and stretching before you. Logically, I know everything that's bothering me is ridiculous, but I'm almost forty. ALMOST FORTY. I thought I would have done something cool by now and I thought I'd feel a bit more settled. I kind of imagined myself at forty having traveled more, written more, having a pack of good friends, and being relaxed and happy instead of an angsty stress case.
I'll end with a happy thing. I coached (for free) speech team at my school, and the contest we competed at was open to every student in the district from ages 11 to 18. My speech team was 90% of my sixth grade students and we took TWO awards home out of four. These kids were going up against high school students who compete on their high school speech team every Saturday. I was just really proud of my team, and my boss made a point of thanking me twice for my work. A got a really nice parent email afterward saying that her daughter (who won) hadn't stopped dancing around the house and she (the mom) hadn't stopped smiling. She thanked me for my hard work, said my team showed a strong presence and completely held their own and she was very grateful for me. :)
Plus, the kids have been healthy this week, there's nothing majorly wrong, I have clothes, shelter, food, and a job. I'm being totally stupid about being angsty. I think it's the weather. Freezing cold, lack of sun....yuck.
I'm also worried about the fact that she's nearly a full year younger than the other girls. I can see a difference emotionally for sure.
I don't know if I'm ready for all the girl drama and cliques and seeing how I still have to deal with it as an adult....I just hope she doesn't have a rough road ahead. I may be over-reacting, but as a shy girl myself and an introvert to boot, it makes things harder. I was hoping she'd be one of those loud, outgoing, "in your face" girls that have a million friends. Scott said she was absolutely awful at the daddy/daughter dance, not talking to anyone even though kids said hi to her and invited her to dance with them and looking away when they came up to her. I was a painfully shy kid and I remember doing things like that too.
I still feel like the odd woman out ALWAYS. In mom play groups, in the neighborhood, in my high school friend group, at work....
I'm just feeling over-emotional. Just everything together. I'm feeling crowded in my house. It was supposed to be a starter home, but the market crashed, so our house lost $70,000 in equity, and so we're stuck, yet a former snotty coworker who everything comes easy for, is a building a house and somehow sold her duplex in this awful Chicago area housing market. I'm the only one not clicking with anybody from work and my one close work friend is making tons of friends, and I'm feeling left out. Gabriel got assessed for speech last week and was supposed to be released, but his therapist thinks he needs more help. On FB, I see that a toddler who is exactly Gabriel's age to the week said, "Hi, Doctor Smiley! I am ready for my checkup!" while all Gabriel would say is, "No no, Doctor." just stung a bit. Scott's cousin just got married, and I find myself extremely jealous of that wedding planning/honeymoon period, where everything is fun and new and stretching before you. Logically, I know everything that's bothering me is ridiculous, but I'm almost forty. ALMOST FORTY. I thought I would have done something cool by now and I thought I'd feel a bit more settled. I kind of imagined myself at forty having traveled more, written more, having a pack of good friends, and being relaxed and happy instead of an angsty stress case.
I'll end with a happy thing. I coached (for free) speech team at my school, and the contest we competed at was open to every student in the district from ages 11 to 18. My speech team was 90% of my sixth grade students and we took TWO awards home out of four. These kids were going up against high school students who compete on their high school speech team every Saturday. I was just really proud of my team, and my boss made a point of thanking me twice for my work. A got a really nice parent email afterward saying that her daughter (who won) hadn't stopped dancing around the house and she (the mom) hadn't stopped smiling. She thanked me for my hard work, said my team showed a strong presence and completely held their own and she was very grateful for me. :)
Plus, the kids have been healthy this week, there's nothing majorly wrong, I have clothes, shelter, food, and a job. I'm being totally stupid about being angsty. I think it's the weather. Freezing cold, lack of sun....yuck.