So, here's how it works. Name a character from one of the fandoms listed below. I will produce no fewer than 100 words on why I love, hate, or am indifferent to that character
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You're just determined not to make this easy for mechicafrom3December 19 2006, 06:12:14 UTC
01. Dylan. Why do I hate Dylan? Let me count the ways. Right from the beginning Kevin Sorbo's portrayal struck an ill chord with me, and after Robert left the writing agreed with Kevin. Dylan's smarmy and self-righteous, he cares about saving the universe as a whole but no the individual people on his ship; he sluts it up with nearly every woman who sets foot on the Andromeda and doesn't understand why that just might be inappropriate. Even when she's mentally unstable and a probable murderer, the captain's sexual needs are more important. I've never forgiven him for what happened on Earth in Bunker Hill, especially: he started a revolution based on his promise, put it on a ridiculous timetable, fucked it up, and then just didn't care - about Earth, about Harper, about any of it. And then he went and turned into a god figure who totally ignored the people who made his successes possible, and ew. Bastard.
03. Cassie. Is it possible to hate Cassie? I'm never entirely convinced by people who claim she's their favorite character, mind, but I don't understand Cassie-hate. She's a little hypocritical, but she tries. She cares. She has all the best Yeerks-are-not-cardboard-cutout-villains storylines - #19 was freaking awesome for a book series aimed at preteens. I always thought she and Jake were a little bit adorable, but they never achieved the dysfunctional-OTP-staying-power of Rachel/Tobias. She was fun when she snarked with Marco. If I were an Animorph I would want her morphing talent, and she did some amazingly brave things. I like her...but I don't love her.
09. Linda. How do you write 100 words about Linda?! In the movie, she got pretty much no development. Well, it's a slasher flick, basically, nobody got development. Her duet with Ash, "Housewares Employee", is one of my favorite numbers in the musical; she's presented as being very charming, funny, down-to-earth. In both media she's supposed to be the perfect girl so that we feel bad when Ash has to hack her up into a million pieces. Like Cassie, I can't hate her…but it's a good thing she dies in the first act. And not just so that Ash can spend the next two movies making out angstily with other women.
11. Simon. Oh, Simon. Uptight, self-righteous Simon. He wins points for his sexing up of Kaylee in the movie and for how much he cares about River. He loses points for being dull. He never has a chance to define himself outside of River and Kaylee, which is sad but I can't bring myself to care overmuch. If the show had lasted longer I'm sure he would have had his chance to shine, and I might have fallen hopelessly in love with him. But it didn't and he didn't and I didn't, and in the end I am wholly indifferent to Simon Tam.
12. Claire. I adore Claire. Can't get behind Peter/Claire so I have to steer clear of most of her fanbase, but of herself I adore her. She's a very realistic teenage kid, setting aside the superpowers; she's smart and soft-hearted and all-around lovely, but susceptible to peer pressure and scared to death of being a freak. Plus, she comes part and parcel with Zach and he's all kinds of awesome. I think there's a measure of self-mutilation in her psyche, but also a desire to be a hero, and I'm fascinated by that. She's fucked-up and shining all at the same time, and I adore her.
16. Locke. I want to love Locke - he's played by Terry O'Quinn, dammit! And I feel sorry for him; the whole backstory with Helen broke my heart, and I loathe his dad, and all that. But he loses major points for handling the Charlie/heroin issue so badly - not just in season two, way back in The Moth I wanted to smack him with a dictionary and explain the concept of addiction - and the creepy hitting on Claire, and making the hatch implode and losing us the awesomeness of Mr. Eko and his Jesus stick. Can't love, can't hate him: indifferent.
Why do I hate Dylan? Let me count the ways. Right from the beginning Kevin Sorbo's portrayal struck an ill chord with me, and after Robert left the writing agreed with Kevin. Dylan's smarmy and self-righteous, he cares about saving the universe as a whole but no the individual people on his ship; he sluts it up with nearly every woman who sets foot on the Andromeda and doesn't understand why that just might be inappropriate. Even when she's mentally unstable and a probable murderer, the captain's sexual needs are more important. I've never forgiven him for what happened on Earth in Bunker Hill, especially: he started a revolution based on his promise, put it on a ridiculous timetable, fucked it up, and then just didn't care - about Earth, about Harper, about any of it. And then he went and turned into a god figure who totally ignored the people who made his successes possible, and ew. Bastard.
03. Cassie.
Is it possible to hate Cassie? I'm never entirely convinced by people who claim she's their favorite character, mind, but I don't understand Cassie-hate. She's a little hypocritical, but she tries. She cares. She has all the best Yeerks-are-not-cardboard-cutout-villains storylines - #19 was freaking awesome for a book series aimed at preteens. I always thought she and Jake were a little bit adorable, but they never achieved the dysfunctional-OTP-staying-power of Rachel/Tobias. She was fun when she snarked with Marco. If I were an Animorph I would want her morphing talent, and she did some amazingly brave things. I like her...but I don't love her.
09. Linda.
How do you write 100 words about Linda?! In the movie, she got pretty much no development. Well, it's a slasher flick, basically, nobody got development. Her duet with Ash, "Housewares Employee", is one of my favorite numbers in the musical; she's presented as being very charming, funny, down-to-earth. In both media she's supposed to be the perfect girl so that we feel bad when Ash has to hack her up into a million pieces. Like Cassie, I can't hate her…but it's a good thing she dies in the first act. And not just so that Ash can spend the next two movies making out angstily with other women.
11. Simon.
Oh, Simon. Uptight, self-righteous Simon. He wins points for his sexing up of Kaylee in the movie and for how much he cares about River. He loses points for being dull. He never has a chance to define himself outside of River and Kaylee, which is sad but I can't bring myself to care overmuch. If the show had lasted longer I'm sure he would have had his chance to shine, and I might have fallen hopelessly in love with him. But it didn't and he didn't and I didn't, and in the end I am wholly indifferent to Simon Tam.
12. Claire.
I adore Claire. Can't get behind Peter/Claire so I have to steer clear of most of her fanbase, but of herself I adore her. She's a very realistic teenage kid, setting aside the superpowers; she's smart and soft-hearted and all-around lovely, but susceptible to peer pressure and scared to death of being a freak. Plus, she comes part and parcel with Zach and he's all kinds of awesome. I think there's a measure of self-mutilation in her psyche, but also a desire to be a hero, and I'm fascinated by that. She's fucked-up and shining all at the same time, and I adore her.
16. Locke.
I want to love Locke - he's played by Terry O'Quinn, dammit! And I feel sorry for him; the whole backstory with Helen broke my heart, and I loathe his dad, and all that. But he loses major points for handling the Charlie/heroin issue so badly - not just in season two, way back in The Moth I wanted to smack him with a dictionary and explain the concept of addiction - and the creepy hitting on Claire, and making the hatch implode and losing us the awesomeness of Mr. Eko and his Jesus stick. Can't love, can't hate him: indifferent.
(cont.)
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