No White Flag
Well I told Mary Ann about my eating disorder. I don't know why. Maybe it was just a whim. I'm really not sure. She seems okay right now. I'm going to be seeing her tonight when I go to church. It feels a little better now that I've gotten to talk to a girl about the breakup. Somehow its just not the same with a guy. I mean, I don't mind talking to Josh, but I need a friend that's a girl. I need someone to relate to instead of having to slightly conform.
Mary Ann also has something I want - her brother. Chris is her older, seventeen year old, brother. I've always had a crush on him and now that I'm free, well, I can flirt. I think part of my reason, though, is to make Caleb jealous, but I'm not going to think about that part :p I just want him to know that there are some good things about me. I want him to miss me and wish he could go back in time and fix it.
I'm still kind of pissed off at him because I still haven't talked to him. He sent me an email, but that said nothing. I mean, seriously, he didn't mention anything about the breakup. It was all about how he's had no power too and how he's gotten more work hours and he thought I was ignoring him. Well, that really sent me over the edge. I wrote him and email back:
"Hey,
Its me again. Why won't you call me? I mean, seriously, its been what... over two weeks now and I still haven't heard from you. Yeah, I got one email. And it said what? Nothing really about anything I've been thinking about. I just want to know what exactly your reason was/is for leaving. That's pretty much it. The only thing that's pissing me off is the fact that it seems you're acting like you're two years old. I mean, come on, I know kids in elementary and middle school who act like this. I thought when you "matured" you were supposed to be able to talk about things. I just want to know how you could keep telling me that you loved me and missed me up to the very last day I had heard from you. That's real nice. Thanks. Anyway, I've been getting more crap about you after the fact than I did when we were together. My mom tries to "help" me by telling me that we didn't go together anyway and how much of a jerk you probably would've been in the future. My brother tells me that you probably left for another girl (that really help my self-esteem) and my grandma told me that it was because you didn't get "candy". Yes, I'm quoting her.
Well... "
And that's it. God, I just want him to call me and talk to me. I'm trying to get over this, but I can't. It feels like everything's incomplete because I haven't gotten a "verbal confirmation" from him. I almost feel like he might have left me for another girl. I mean, the way he acted before I found out, the whole party story, and how he won't talk to me. God, I think I'm going to cry right now.
Well, I'm off to go take a shower and get ready for church. I really need to go somewhere - anywhere. Actually, one of the things that makes me happy about going out is that I can wear my favorite earrings and a really pretty outfit. Yeah, that's sad. lol
Mary Ann also has something I want - her brother. Chris is her older, seventeen year old, brother. I've always had a crush on him and now that I'm free, well, I can flirt. I think part of my reason, though, is to make Caleb jealous, but I'm not going to think about that part :p I just want him to know that there are some good things about me. I want him to miss me and wish he could go back in time and fix it.
I'm still kind of pissed off at him because I still haven't talked to him. He sent me an email, but that said nothing. I mean, seriously, he didn't mention anything about the breakup. It was all about how he's had no power too and how he's gotten more work hours and he thought I was ignoring him. Well, that really sent me over the edge. I wrote him and email back:
"Hey,
Its me again. Why won't you call me? I mean, seriously, its been what... over two weeks now and I still haven't heard from you. Yeah, I got one email. And it said what? Nothing really about anything I've been thinking about. I just want to know what exactly your reason was/is for leaving. That's pretty much it. The only thing that's pissing me off is the fact that it seems you're acting like you're two years old. I mean, come on, I know kids in elementary and middle school who act like this. I thought when you "matured" you were supposed to be able to talk about things. I just want to know how you could keep telling me that you loved me and missed me up to the very last day I had heard from you. That's real nice. Thanks. Anyway, I've been getting more crap about you after the fact than I did when we were together. My mom tries to "help" me by telling me that we didn't go together anyway and how much of a jerk you probably would've been in the future. My brother tells me that you probably left for another girl (that really help my self-esteem) and my grandma told me that it was because you didn't get "candy". Yes, I'm quoting her.
Well... "
And that's it. God, I just want him to call me and talk to me. I'm trying to get over this, but I can't. It feels like everything's incomplete because I haven't gotten a "verbal confirmation" from him. I almost feel like he might have left me for another girl. I mean, the way he acted before I found out, the whole party story, and how he won't talk to me. God, I think I'm going to cry right now.
Well, I'm off to go take a shower and get ready for church. I really need to go somewhere - anywhere. Actually, one of the things that makes me happy about going out is that I can wear my favorite earrings and a really pretty outfit. Yeah, that's sad. lol