(no subject)
I need to calm down. The beating of my heart is ringing in my ears, I'm taking deep and long breaths and I try to control myself. But it's not working no matter how hard I try. Sadness, anger, loneliness. Everything comes back and crushes me down. I don't even remember what happened yesterday. Or the day before. All I know is me waking up and going back to sleep.
It hurts. It really hurts.
It hurts searching for reasons why should I wake up tomorrow.
It hurts living another miserable, unhappy day in my life.
And I still believe one day I'll be happy again, living my life the way I always wanted to, being beautiful, successful, have people who would get me, and be far away from my family who I simply can't stand any longer. One day I'll have money for new clothes, make-up and shoes. One day I'll get my skin fixed and lose weight. One day I'll fit somewhere.
Right?
One day.
But I doubt I am having a will to move towards that day. I don't think that day is going to come.
Maybe some of us are living unlivable life. Maybe we are not meant to be. Maybe we shouldn't be born.
I'm living in a past. Believing in a better future.
But all I want is to live another 24 hours without having emotional breakdown.
Yeah. Unlivable life.