(no subject)
I'm trying so hard right now. Katie is pretty much the hardest person to make friends with. She reminds me so much of my stepfather and I hate it. She's moody and stubborn, not to mention judgemental and opinionated. I try to read her and see what's going on inside that head, but it's damn near impossible. I always feel like I have to walk around on tenterhooks when I'm around her and I worry that she's angry at me. I know a lot of this has to do with my own problem of trying to please people and strive for acceptance. However, I do not want to be like this all the time around her. It's not good for my health or anything. I'm trying to see the good, I really am, but she makes it hard. For instance, the other night I blow-dried my hair and then finished it off with my straightening iron ( to polish it and give it a more finished look). Katie told me that it was unecessary and that me and Elyise do way too much to our hair. I told her I was going to do it anyway, to which she replied," Well, okay. You and Elyise can be bald and have skin cancer and then I can say I told you so."............What do you say to something like that?!?!? I couldn't believe it. The whole skin cancer thing is reference to me going tanning once and getting burned. I was so taken aback by all of it. It just blew me away. Yesterday, she went to Amhert, MA to see Emily dickinson's house, so I had the room to myself for the whole day. She seemed to be in a good mood when she was gettin ready to leave, but didn't even say goodbye. She just left. I was looking out the window and saw her standing on the sidewalk waiting for her cousin. Maybe I'm trying too hard? I don't know. Right now, she's sleeping on the couch. Why? I have no idea. I think I remember talking to her when I was sleeping, but why and how is she out there right now? If I wake her up and tell her to go to her bed, she will get pissed. Shit. Thankfully, she's going home this weekend. Nice. I want to talk to her, I do. But I'm not. I don't need this shit. I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE.