FF7/Fruits Basket via KH, Cloud and Tohru, Riding to the Princes' Rescue (crosspost)
Title: Riding to the Princes' Rescue
Author: chibirisuchan
(originally posted in IJ's No True Pair community in Jan. 09; now making an LJ-side index for it too)
Fandom: FF7 and Fruits Basket via Kingdom Hearts
Pairing/characters: Cloud and Tohru
Rating: PG 13
Prompt/challenge you're answering: Tohru rescues Cloud from some kind of trouble
Warnings: Not drinksafe.
Author's notes: It wouldn't shut up! And I have to get something written in other universes some time this month... so I whacked it off at the knees and here it is. (I'll link in from my indexes later; that takes a long time with 2 sites to hit in parallel and I'm trying to get this fic to leave me alone long enough to work on something else tonight too....)
He should have known it was going to be one of those days, Cloud thought. Tohru had been busier than usual, and that was saying something. And Tohru being extra busy was never a good sign.
Neither was Sephiroth's smirk -- but then if he was going to get his blood pressure up every time Sephiroth smirked about something, he'd have been dead from an aneurysm years ago.
Still, he'd thought he'd be safe -- relatively speaking, of course -- once he made it into the Underworld. If nothing else, Tohru was avidly, perkily, enthusiastically still alive. So whatever she was dithering over, he'd thought he'd be able to get clear of the blast radius if he left immediately after drinking down a cup of coffee, and he made extra certain to remember to bring his lunch with him.
He hadn't counted on Tohru recruiting co-conspirators.
He definitely hadn't counted on Sephiroth doing anyone's bidding without a fight he'd have heard coming.
So when Sephiroth stepped through a dark portal into the middle of Hades' throne room with Tohru in his arms, Cloud's jaw dropped open.
To be fair, so did Hades'.
"What the hell--?"
The girl bowed, promptly and formally, and said, "Hello, Mr. Hades. My name's Honda Tohru and Mr. Phil says that I should stop pestering him because you're the person who writes all the contracts for the Coliseum and I should get out of the hair he no longer has enough of to pull out. You are Mr. Hades, aren't you, sir?"
"Uh--" He looked like he was considering denying it. If Phil's reports to his boss had been anywhere near accurate, Cloud couldn't exactly blame him.
"The description was rather distinctive, Mr. Hades," Tohru said primly. "There aren't all that many people who can survive very long with their heads on fire."
"Yes, well, I've always been special that way," Hades said. "Listen, kid, I'm a very busy man, so if you'll just run along--"
"I know your time is valuable, sir, so I'll be as quick as I can," she assured him. "Since Mr. Scrooge was kind enough to help me understand the financial and legal aspects of employment--" and here she pulled a thick sheaf of legal papers out of her schoolbag -- "we analyzed the numbers together and have come to the conclusion that it really is more cost-effective and time-effective to keep your current employees employed, in one piece, and alive than it is to undergo the expenses related to ongoing job placement ads, pre-screenings, interviews, EEO requirements, ADA requirements, non-discriminatory waivers, criminal background checks, new insurance applications, new benefit applications, training time, and ongoing medical benefits for the employees injured in the line of duty--"
Then she took another breath. And dove right back in.
"--And once you add in the legal and administrative expenses related to the Coliseum's several thousand recorded code violations of the Family Emergency Medical Leave act, the Occupational Safety and Health Administration regulations, the COBRA portable health insurance laws, and..."
Hades' howls of protest shattered several stalactites.
Tohru kept right on talking.
Once the dust had cleared and the damage reports had been filed and Hades had agreed to sign three new contracts under the condition that Tohru would never set foot in the Underworld again, Cloud had cornered Sephiroth and asked him why he'd helped the girl.
With a certain malicious glitter in the eyes, the bastard said, "I wanted to watch the carnage."
Cloud found that he could believe that with less effort than he'd anticipated. It did not bode well for his chances of being able to estimate Tohru's strike range in the future.
He really, really hated Sephiroth's smirks.
ETA: Series index here!