I JUST HAVE ALL THESE FEELINGS.
Dear Mean Meme,
You are reaching dangerous levels of Not Cool, Man. First, you discussed something my friend said in flock out of flock, which is just... wow. And that's not even the first time you've done that! Even if these people weren't my friends, douche move. And now, you are acting totally drunk off the power of "revealing" that Georgia and Bradley are dating. Really, Mean Meme? I will admit that yes, I initially freaked out. However, you forget, I think, that people are capable of going back to check facts. Remember how that rumor came out initially and it was ridiculed BEFORE the pictures showed up? Remember why? Because there were tweets saying Bradley was in LA at the fucking time the picture was supposed to be taken, and you know who I'm going to believe? Someone on Twitter. Who actually puts their name on the stuff they write. As opposed to an obscure anon fandom cesspool. So unless Bradley has somehow managed to break the space-time continuum, that picture proves nothing other than Bradley and Georgia were seen in public together, and that the source is a liar. Wooo! Shocking!
Meme, you are part of my life in the same way the weather forecast is part of my life. I watch you because I feel it more prudent to see what's coming than to stick my head in the sand. It is time that you took a good, hard look at yourself and realized that, much like the weather forecast, you are wrong, like, 90% of the time.
Sincerely,
Me
And now, for something much more exciting, TIME FOR MERLIN THOUGHTS.
THAT TIME ON MERLIN WHERE BRADLEY AND COLIN WERE ALL DDDDD: AND I WAS ALL :DDDDDD
ALKSJFLKSDJF OKAY. FIRST OFF. Best part of this episode? BOYS. BOYS WITH NO INTERRUPTIONS FROM GWEN. Oh thank the Lord. Look, I've come to accept it - any episode that's missing Gwen by default becomes a better episode. And the worse an episode is, the more likely it has a lot of Gwen in it. And by "worse" I don't mean "it's bad because I miss the gay" (though I do), I mean "it's bad because Bradley and Angel look about ready to slit their own throats and end it all, plus the characterization is so terrible I want to die because omgwtf, writers, consistency, you need to learn it". I'm certainly not happy about this conclusion because lord knows this show is a feminist nightmare and it's a wonder that doesn't bother me the way it should, but them's just the facts. attempts at Arthur/Gwen romance brings down the caliber of the show. It makes it hokey. And yes, it is a hokey kid's show, but the point is it used to be BETTER than that before hey were all OMG NO HOMO and started trying to push this shit. Well, most of the time, anyway.
This episode also confirmed a lot of my previously-drawn conclusions about Arthur/Gwen. Namely, the following:
ONE - Arthur/Gwen shippers don't actually give two shits about Arthur. If they did, they would have loved this episode, because Arthur fucking rocked it like a boss. ONE BILLION POINTS TO BRADLEY AND HIS BIG BLUE PUPPY EYES OF EMOTION. Instead, when I made my weekly glance over the Arthur/Gwen community liveposts (yes, I do that every week, I feel that I should try to see the entirety of fandom opinion instead of my own very biased little corner before I attempt to write a review), they were all OMG WORST EPISODE EVER SO MUCH WORSE THAN THE GAIUS IN LOVE ONE OMG I AM SO MAD OMG WHERE WAS GWEN THERE IS NO POINT IN EVEN HAVING THIS SHOW WITHOUT HER!!
Now, once I was over having, I will admit it, totally petty schadenfreude, I went "HAH". And then I felt confused, because it boggles my mind that you could ship a pairing and then just... not give a shit about one of the people who makes it up. How on earth did these shippers get through the first season when Gwen and Arthur interacted, like, twice? MIND BOGGLED. Which leads me to point number two...
TWO - Gwen is a Disney princess. IT'S TRUE. Remember, like, older Disney movies, like Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty, when it was all about the princess and the prince at the end was pretty much the same generically handsome dude who did nothing but stab evil things conveniently, kiss the heroine when appropriate? You know, the guy with zero personality? THAT IS WHAT ARTHUR/GWEN IS. THAT IS ALL IT IS.
So then I thought to myself, well, why do I love those movies and yet want to stab my eyes out every time I watched an Arthur/Gwen scene? (I watched the one at the end of last week's episode just so I'd know as a point of reference where they stood, and I nearly cried with laughter oh my god. Both Bradley and Angel are, like, two seconds away from cracking the fuck up, and I think the best part is when Angel was clearly given the direction to emote happily, so she does this weird bosom-heaving inhale-smile and OH MY GOD IT'S SO HAMMY AND AWFUL. WHY DO BAD DIRECTORS DO THIS TO GOOD ACTRESSES!?!?!? MORE ON THIS LATER) So I have come to the conclusion that, since the writers are clearly bound and determined to continue on this whole ~ARTHUR/GWEN IS TWU WUV 4EVA~ thing, they're going to have to make a few changes to Gwen's character. Namely, she needs two things: adorable animal sidekicks, and songs written by Alan Menken to sing. That is the only way I think I'll be able to get over the fact that there are actually two Arthurs running around Camelot - one who I actually recognize, and Generic Pod Prince Directly From The Trope Packaging!Arthur.
Alan Menken songs are capable of getting me through a lot, okay.
ANYWAY ON TO ACTUAL STUFF THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED THIS WEEK IN THE ACTUAL SHOW:
My one complaint about this episode is that it was ripe for more Merlin/Arthur interaction and there wasn't any, but what we got was HILARIOUS GOLD. I will never, ever, ever tire of harassed wife!Merlin nagging Arthur about WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS ARE YOU TRYING TO GET YOURSELF KILLED?!?!?! Also, Bradley's delivery of THE ONLY RULE IS THERE ARE NO RULES was golden.
THE FIRST RULE OF CAMELOT FIGHT CLUB IS YOU DON'T DISCUSS CAMELOT FIGHT CLUB, MERLIN.
Welcome to Camelot, Gilli! LET'S LOOK AT ALL THOSE PARALLELS AND GET ALL NOSTALGIC, SHALL WE?
(Sidebar: Guys, I know canon spelling can be hard sometimes, but it really is spelled Gilli. The next time you are confused, I suggest checking the press releases. They usually spell it right there! Can this be the end of the Gilly/Gili/whatever variations I've been seeing around? Thanks.)
OH MORGANA I LOVED YOU THIS EPISODE. SO MUCH. Not only was Morgana hot, but she was subtle in her evil. Subtle! And crafty! AND THERE WAS NO SMIRKING. After listening to the Bradley and Katie commentary it became pretty clear to me that the copious Morgana smirking is not Katie's choice, considering how much she complains about it, which I suspected. That conscious a choice has to be directors or editors. Which makes me think seriously, Merlin team, you need to start listening to your actors. I've already expounded on how Bradley should totally write for the show because he wants more of what the show's best at, namely, Arthur/Merlin "friendship", fighting, and high fantasy good times. LISTEN TO HIM. Colin wants to do more dark and meaty stuff. LISTEN TO HIM. Angel wants Gwen to be more autonomous and kick more ass. LISTEN TO HER. Katie wants to smirk less. LISTEN TO HER.
Look, I've been on crew. I have a lot of friends who have worked crew. I know that non-acting parts of productions hate one thing more than anything - actors telling them how to do their jobs. But in this case? THE ACTORS ARE RIGHT. Get over it.
I love how when Uther starts having his midlife crisis and is all I CAN TOTALLY FIGHT WITH THE YOUNG DUDES (apparently, they didn't have midlife crisis cars back then), Arthur's all BUT DAAAAAAD, YOU'RE TOO OLD. And you just know when Arthur's his dad's age he'll still be sneaking into tournaments and Merlin and Gwen will be like :|||| ARTHUR WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU JACKASS and he'll be like STFU I AM SO FIGHTING FIT.
Still wish there was a bit more to these Arthur/Merlin scenes, but this one, again, CRACKED ME UP. the whole whispering to Arthur that omg people had died was AMAZING.
And Arthur's all AWWWW HELL YEAH, I'M THE MOTHERFUCKING CROWN PRINCE OF CAMELOT AND I OWN THIS BIZNITCH.
...until his dad crashes his party. GEEZ. WHY DID UTHER HAVE TO CHAPERONE? COULDN'T HE BE COOL LIKE ALL THE OTHER PARENTS AND LET ARTHUR HAVE A GOOD TIME? HE IS TOTALLY RUINING PROM, OKAY!
It's too bad Morgana is, you know, evil, because she'd make an awesome queen if she weren't. LOOK AT THIS BADASS BITCH RIGHT HERE.
OH HEY PLOT POINT, GILLI IS MAGIC.
And yes, I do think I'm funny. I THINK I'M HILARIOUS.
HELLO GRATUITOUS BRADLEY'S EYES!PORN. ALKSJDFLKSJF. YOU ALL KNOW MY FEELINGS ON THAT BOY'S EYES.
Not to be outdone for the title of Hotass of the Week, we have COLIN'S PUPPY FACE OF CONCERN.
*INCOHERENT GARBLING NOISES*
Omg hi, Andreas, hi! Yes, I do recognize Merlin's stunt coordinator at a single glance and yes, I do get ridiculously excited to see him. What? I'm actually the coolest person you know.
ARTHUR'S MANPAIN IS IN TENTS.
GET IT?!?!
Okay, horrible punnery aside, I really effing love these tents. Everything shot in them looks just! So! Pretty!
So literally this picture showed up on my tumblr dash the EXACT SECOND this scene started, which made me laugh so hysterically I had to re-watch it a few times because every time I just saw Bradley as this dog going "aroo?" and then I'd lose it again. But BRADLEY JAMES = AN OVERGROWN DOG. I HAVE ONLY BEEN SAYING THIS FOR ABOUT TEN YEARS.
But omg this scene. I LOVE THIS SCENE SO MUCH. Merlin advising and Arthur listening with that little UGH I DON'T WANT TO DO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING BUT I KNOW IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO! and the little married jibes! Also was I the only one who, when Merlin was all I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO LIVE WITH A MAN thought it sounded so ridiculously gay? I just wish there was MORE to this scene. This scene was so ripe for emotional discussion! IT SO SHOULD HAVE GONE THERE. COME ON, WRITERS.
Still. It was a pretty excellent scene.
SERIOUSLY I LOVE QUEEN!MORGANA. She's all "CRAWL FOR ME, BITCHES. THAT'S RIGHT. FIGHT FOR MY FAVOR."
STOP. THE PRESSES. WE MUST DISCUSS THIS.
Okay, so, in every other fight Arthur is in, he isn't wearing anything on his arm, EXCEPT in the Uther fight, when magically,he has a token of favor. HMMMM. Now the logical conclusion is that he'd be wearing Gwen's favor, except... look at it. First of all, why would Gwen give him favor for that fight and not any of the others? And second of all, why is it blue? Gwen never wears blue or anything even close to blue. (And why is he wearing it? Is it so we can tell Arthur and Uther apart? Because the different helmets do a pretty good job of that, and it's a very subtle costuming thing. Why did they even give him that to wear?)
Here are my thoughts - you know who wears blue, knows Arthur's going to throw the fight, and loves Arthur? I'll give you a hint, it starts with M and ends with -erlin.
JUST SAYING.
HOW IS IT THAT BRADLEY JAMES EMOTES SO EXCELLENTLY THROUGH THAT TINY T-SHAPED SLIVER? OH MY GOD HIS LITTLE FAAAAAAAACE. I JUST WANT TO HUG HIM AND TELL HIM IT WILL BE OKAY.
FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE.
So if I had to name the most stunning, zen, at-peace-with-the-universe moment of this episode, this was it. This, right here. It was like suddenly I understood this show. Suddenly Arthur made perfect sense to me. He's just like Merlin, really. Remember what Merlin said to Gilli:
"It's...lonely. To be more powerful than any man you know and have to live like a shadow. To... be special and have to pretend you're a fool. I know how it feels, I understand."
I WISH HE HAD SAID THAT TO ARTHUR. Because yes. YES! THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT ARTHUR IS GOING THROUGH THIS SEASON/ALL SEASONS/ALL THE TIME. Now, I don't think the show is doing this intentionally, because that suggests that this show is capable of emotional subtlety. But I think this is a choice Bradley's articulated very clearly making for his character, and I never saw it shine through nearly as brightly as I did in this scene. As Arthur grows older, he clearly realizes, more and more, how awful his father is. He's a teenager, okay, it's what teenagers do. And like all teenagers, he's desperate to rebel against him (which, I think, contributes in large part to his infatuation with Gwen - I think Arthur's caught up in the romanticism and nobility of the idea of their relationship but clearly doesn't really know anything about who she is as a person), but at the same time, he's desperate for his father's love and approval. He's just starting to recognize that there's something inside him that Gwen and Merlin keep talking about, this potential to be far greater than his father ever was, and he has no idea about how to feel. On one hand, he hates it, because he just wants to make his father happy, and on the other hand, he clings to it, because it means one day he'll be great.
This is the core of why in the legends originally I couldn't ship Arthur with anyone (which made me really sad because as a kid I had the hugest crush on King Arthur), and why I ship Merlin/Arthur SO HARD for this incarnation. Merlin is the only person in the universe who understands Arthur and what Arthur goes through. He understands Arthur's posturing, he understand that Arthur has acted the part of the ass for so long he no longer knows how not to be that person. He also knows that there's that part of Arthur that's kind and good-hearted and gentle that's been smothered for so long, and he knows how to reward that and tease it out. He knows how to make Arthur feel comfortable with being vulnerable. Arthur says in 3.10 that Gwen's the only one he feels comfortable with, but I think it's pretty clear that his actions say otherwise. If anything, I'd say he acts the part for her just as much as he acts the part for Uther and sacrifices and humiliates himself for him the same way Merlin constantly sacrifices and humiliates himself for Arthur. With Gwen he pretends to be Just This Ordinary Noble Guy (who secretly wants to farm) because its what he knows she wants, he knows that's the behavior she rewards in him, and the same goes for how he acts around Uther. Any nobility of spirit or generosity or humanity is seen as weakness, so he hides it. Merlin is the only person he's ever purely Arthur with. He doesn't just show one facet to Merlin the way he does to Uther, or Gwen, or anyone else. He involuntarily shows Merlin everything, and Merlin adores that about him.
I think a lot of things are going to change once Uther is gone and Arthur marries Gwen. I think Arthur's going to figure out a lot. And I think the first thing he's going to realize is that once the conflict is gone from his and Gwen's relationship, there's nothing there. Their entire relationship is based on this Romeo and Juliet fantasy. And that's when Gwen's going to go to Lancelot and when, even if the show never shows this, I firmly believe Arthur will go to Merlin. He has a lot of growing up to do to DESERVE Merlin at this point, but the foundation for him and Merlin being absolutely perfect together is there.
I just wish the show would recognize it a little more.
And see! What he says here! If he weren't my father. That level of emotional intimacy! ONLY EVER WITH MERLIN. BECAUSE MERLIN UNDERSTANDS. AND MERLIN LOVES HIM EVEN WHEN HE'S WEAK AND IMPERFECT.
OH SHOW WHAT YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO DO TO MY HEART WHEN YOU ARE PROPERLY WRITTEN.
Okay, the following sequence of Merlin showing his magic to Gilli is probably the greatest scene of this season so I'm just going to leave this here so we can wibble over COLIN MORGAN'S AMAZING FAAAAAAAAAACE. (and hands homg nomnomnom hands)
DRAGONLORD!MERLIN! ASLKFJLSKDJF. I love that the Dragon was, like, not a massive flaming bag of douche this time around. He was kindly. Benevolent. IT WAS AMAZING.
OMG COLIN'S FACE AFTER HE MAKES GILLI LOSE. OMG COLIN MORGAN. LET ME PLEASE CUDDLE YOU TO MY BOSOM AND COO AT YOU OH MY GODDDDD.
aksdflksjdlksjdf Colin. Okay, that shine in his eye, is that lighting? Unshed tears? WHATEVER IT IS IT MAKES MY INSIDES ALL WARM AND SQUIRMY.
I LOVE THIS PART. Merlin is all DON'T WORRY NEW FRIEND, ONE DAY MY BOYFRIEND WILL BE KING AND I'LL GET TO MAKE OUT WITH HIM WHENEVER I WANT AND TELL HIM ALL ABOUT MY MAGIC AND THE RIVERS WILL RUN WITH MILK AND HONEY. DID I MENTION MY UNSHAKABLE FAITH IN MY BOYFRIEND?!!? I LOVE MY BOOOOOOYFRIEND.
Arthur's little faaaaaace when he realizes that his daddy's proud of him! HIS LITTLE FAAAAAACE.
MERLIN IS PROUD OF HIS BOYFRIEND TOO.
I think the last scene was totally superfluous. The only reasoning I can see for keeping it was because the props team had a really fun time thinking up a plate of food that Colin Morgan, a lactose-intolerant vegetarian allergic to tomatoes, could not eat.
Hey, props guys have to get their chuckles somewhere.
Edit: Somewhere, there is a fourteen year old version of me having a joy seizure over this.
Edit 2: I ran out of my ADD meds and was totally spaced out, so instead of taking me a few hours, this recap took me the entire ding-dong day. I also took, like, five accidental naps today. CURSE YOU ARTIFICIALLY CREATED ENERGY I HAVE GROWN USED TO. During that time Hawaii 5-0 was on and WHAT THE WHAT IS THIS SHOW. Okay, to recap, Within the first ten minutes Steve first looks like rough trade by wearing a nearly see-through wifebeater, then he strips and shamelessly objectifies himself (while they cut to Danny VERY CLEARLY OGLING HIM AHAHAHHAHA WHAT IS THIS) while Kono (who isn't exactly bad-looking) demurely puts on a diving vest to cover up her bikini in the background. And then! After that! Danny calls Steve "babe". As in, he literally turns to Steve and says "There are cleaning people for that, babe" in front of another team member. Between this and all the rampant positive portrayal of minorities, I am now 99% sure this show is all a figment of my imagination. It actually exists in a magical world of rainbows and unicorns and I am thinking about what I want to see and subconsciously projecting it onto my television. I expect Danny and Steve to be making out by the season finale, show.
Also, what is the proper protocol when one is writing a fic that gets disproved by canon? Because I was writing a Steve makes terrible excuses to crash on Danny's couch which leads to sex fic, but now we know Steve's staying in his bullet-riddled house. Honestly, it's Steve, so I should have suspected that, but I stupidly figure that, like most cop shows, Hawaii 5-0 would forget that episodes don't happen in a vacuum. TELL ME WHAT TO DO, OH FRIENDSLIST.
You are reaching dangerous levels of Not Cool, Man. First, you discussed something my friend said in flock out of flock, which is just... wow. And that's not even the first time you've done that! Even if these people weren't my friends, douche move. And now, you are acting totally drunk off the power of "revealing" that Georgia and Bradley are dating. Really, Mean Meme? I will admit that yes, I initially freaked out. However, you forget, I think, that people are capable of going back to check facts. Remember how that rumor came out initially and it was ridiculed BEFORE the pictures showed up? Remember why? Because there were tweets saying Bradley was in LA at the fucking time the picture was supposed to be taken, and you know who I'm going to believe? Someone on Twitter. Who actually puts their name on the stuff they write. As opposed to an obscure anon fandom cesspool. So unless Bradley has somehow managed to break the space-time continuum, that picture proves nothing other than Bradley and Georgia were seen in public together, and that the source is a liar. Wooo! Shocking!
Meme, you are part of my life in the same way the weather forecast is part of my life. I watch you because I feel it more prudent to see what's coming than to stick my head in the sand. It is time that you took a good, hard look at yourself and realized that, much like the weather forecast, you are wrong, like, 90% of the time.
Sincerely,
Me
And now, for something much more exciting, TIME FOR MERLIN THOUGHTS.
THAT TIME ON MERLIN WHERE BRADLEY AND COLIN WERE ALL DDDDD: AND I WAS ALL :DDDDDD
ALKSJFLKSDJF OKAY. FIRST OFF. Best part of this episode? BOYS. BOYS WITH NO INTERRUPTIONS FROM GWEN. Oh thank the Lord. Look, I've come to accept it - any episode that's missing Gwen by default becomes a better episode. And the worse an episode is, the more likely it has a lot of Gwen in it. And by "worse" I don't mean "it's bad because I miss the gay" (though I do), I mean "it's bad because Bradley and Angel look about ready to slit their own throats and end it all, plus the characterization is so terrible I want to die because omgwtf, writers, consistency, you need to learn it". I'm certainly not happy about this conclusion because lord knows this show is a feminist nightmare and it's a wonder that doesn't bother me the way it should, but them's just the facts. attempts at Arthur/Gwen romance brings down the caliber of the show. It makes it hokey. And yes, it is a hokey kid's show, but the point is it used to be BETTER than that before hey were all OMG NO HOMO and started trying to push this shit. Well, most of the time, anyway.
This episode also confirmed a lot of my previously-drawn conclusions about Arthur/Gwen. Namely, the following:
ONE - Arthur/Gwen shippers don't actually give two shits about Arthur. If they did, they would have loved this episode, because Arthur fucking rocked it like a boss. ONE BILLION POINTS TO BRADLEY AND HIS BIG BLUE PUPPY EYES OF EMOTION. Instead, when I made my weekly glance over the Arthur/Gwen community liveposts (yes, I do that every week, I feel that I should try to see the entirety of fandom opinion instead of my own very biased little corner before I attempt to write a review), they were all OMG WORST EPISODE EVER SO MUCH WORSE THAN THE GAIUS IN LOVE ONE OMG I AM SO MAD OMG WHERE WAS GWEN THERE IS NO POINT IN EVEN HAVING THIS SHOW WITHOUT HER!!
Now, once I was over having, I will admit it, totally petty schadenfreude, I went "HAH". And then I felt confused, because it boggles my mind that you could ship a pairing and then just... not give a shit about one of the people who makes it up. How on earth did these shippers get through the first season when Gwen and Arthur interacted, like, twice? MIND BOGGLED. Which leads me to point number two...
TWO - Gwen is a Disney princess. IT'S TRUE. Remember, like, older Disney movies, like Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty, when it was all about the princess and the prince at the end was pretty much the same generically handsome dude who did nothing but stab evil things conveniently, kiss the heroine when appropriate? You know, the guy with zero personality? THAT IS WHAT ARTHUR/GWEN IS. THAT IS ALL IT IS.
So then I thought to myself, well, why do I love those movies and yet want to stab my eyes out every time I watched an Arthur/Gwen scene? (I watched the one at the end of last week's episode just so I'd know as a point of reference where they stood, and I nearly cried with laughter oh my god. Both Bradley and Angel are, like, two seconds away from cracking the fuck up, and I think the best part is when Angel was clearly given the direction to emote happily, so she does this weird bosom-heaving inhale-smile and OH MY GOD IT'S SO HAMMY AND AWFUL. WHY DO BAD DIRECTORS DO THIS TO GOOD ACTRESSES!?!?!? MORE ON THIS LATER) So I have come to the conclusion that, since the writers are clearly bound and determined to continue on this whole ~ARTHUR/GWEN IS TWU WUV 4EVA~ thing, they're going to have to make a few changes to Gwen's character. Namely, she needs two things: adorable animal sidekicks, and songs written by Alan Menken to sing. That is the only way I think I'll be able to get over the fact that there are actually two Arthurs running around Camelot - one who I actually recognize, and Generic Pod Prince Directly From The Trope Packaging!Arthur.
Alan Menken songs are capable of getting me through a lot, okay.
ANYWAY ON TO ACTUAL STUFF THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED THIS WEEK IN THE ACTUAL SHOW:
My one complaint about this episode is that it was ripe for more Merlin/Arthur interaction and there wasn't any, but what we got was HILARIOUS GOLD. I will never, ever, ever tire of harassed wife!Merlin nagging Arthur about WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS ARE YOU TRYING TO GET YOURSELF KILLED?!?!?! Also, Bradley's delivery of THE ONLY RULE IS THERE ARE NO RULES was golden.
THE FIRST RULE OF CAMELOT FIGHT CLUB IS YOU DON'T DISCUSS CAMELOT FIGHT CLUB, MERLIN.
Welcome to Camelot, Gilli! LET'S LOOK AT ALL THOSE PARALLELS AND GET ALL NOSTALGIC, SHALL WE?
(Sidebar: Guys, I know canon spelling can be hard sometimes, but it really is spelled Gilli. The next time you are confused, I suggest checking the press releases. They usually spell it right there! Can this be the end of the Gilly/Gili/whatever variations I've been seeing around? Thanks.)
OH MORGANA I LOVED YOU THIS EPISODE. SO MUCH. Not only was Morgana hot, but she was subtle in her evil. Subtle! And crafty! AND THERE WAS NO SMIRKING. After listening to the Bradley and Katie commentary it became pretty clear to me that the copious Morgana smirking is not Katie's choice, considering how much she complains about it, which I suspected. That conscious a choice has to be directors or editors. Which makes me think seriously, Merlin team, you need to start listening to your actors. I've already expounded on how Bradley should totally write for the show because he wants more of what the show's best at, namely, Arthur/Merlin "friendship", fighting, and high fantasy good times. LISTEN TO HIM. Colin wants to do more dark and meaty stuff. LISTEN TO HIM. Angel wants Gwen to be more autonomous and kick more ass. LISTEN TO HER. Katie wants to smirk less. LISTEN TO HER.
Look, I've been on crew. I have a lot of friends who have worked crew. I know that non-acting parts of productions hate one thing more than anything - actors telling them how to do their jobs. But in this case? THE ACTORS ARE RIGHT. Get over it.
I love how when Uther starts having his midlife crisis and is all I CAN TOTALLY FIGHT WITH THE YOUNG DUDES (apparently, they didn't have midlife crisis cars back then), Arthur's all BUT DAAAAAAD, YOU'RE TOO OLD. And you just know when Arthur's his dad's age he'll still be sneaking into tournaments and Merlin and Gwen will be like :|||| ARTHUR WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU JACKASS and he'll be like STFU I AM SO FIGHTING FIT.
Still wish there was a bit more to these Arthur/Merlin scenes, but this one, again, CRACKED ME UP. the whole whispering to Arthur that omg people had died was AMAZING.
And Arthur's all AWWWW HELL YEAH, I'M THE MOTHERFUCKING CROWN PRINCE OF CAMELOT AND I OWN THIS BIZNITCH.
...until his dad crashes his party. GEEZ. WHY DID UTHER HAVE TO CHAPERONE? COULDN'T HE BE COOL LIKE ALL THE OTHER PARENTS AND LET ARTHUR HAVE A GOOD TIME? HE IS TOTALLY RUINING PROM, OKAY!
It's too bad Morgana is, you know, evil, because she'd make an awesome queen if she weren't. LOOK AT THIS BADASS BITCH RIGHT HERE.
OH HEY PLOT POINT, GILLI IS MAGIC.
And yes, I do think I'm funny. I THINK I'M HILARIOUS.
HELLO GRATUITOUS BRADLEY'S EYES!PORN. ALKSJDFLKSJF. YOU ALL KNOW MY FEELINGS ON THAT BOY'S EYES.
Not to be outdone for the title of Hotass of the Week, we have COLIN'S PUPPY FACE OF CONCERN.
*INCOHERENT GARBLING NOISES*
Omg hi, Andreas, hi! Yes, I do recognize Merlin's stunt coordinator at a single glance and yes, I do get ridiculously excited to see him. What? I'm actually the coolest person you know.
ARTHUR'S MANPAIN IS IN TENTS.
GET IT?!?!
Okay, horrible punnery aside, I really effing love these tents. Everything shot in them looks just! So! Pretty!
So literally this picture showed up on my tumblr dash the EXACT SECOND this scene started, which made me laugh so hysterically I had to re-watch it a few times because every time I just saw Bradley as this dog going "aroo?" and then I'd lose it again. But BRADLEY JAMES = AN OVERGROWN DOG. I HAVE ONLY BEEN SAYING THIS FOR ABOUT TEN YEARS.
But omg this scene. I LOVE THIS SCENE SO MUCH. Merlin advising and Arthur listening with that little UGH I DON'T WANT TO DO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING BUT I KNOW IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO! and the little married jibes! Also was I the only one who, when Merlin was all I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO LIVE WITH A MAN thought it sounded so ridiculously gay? I just wish there was MORE to this scene. This scene was so ripe for emotional discussion! IT SO SHOULD HAVE GONE THERE. COME ON, WRITERS.
Still. It was a pretty excellent scene.
SERIOUSLY I LOVE QUEEN!MORGANA. She's all "CRAWL FOR ME, BITCHES. THAT'S RIGHT. FIGHT FOR MY FAVOR."
STOP. THE PRESSES. WE MUST DISCUSS THIS.
Okay, so, in every other fight Arthur is in, he isn't wearing anything on his arm, EXCEPT in the Uther fight, when magically,he has a token of favor. HMMMM. Now the logical conclusion is that he'd be wearing Gwen's favor, except... look at it. First of all, why would Gwen give him favor for that fight and not any of the others? And second of all, why is it blue? Gwen never wears blue or anything even close to blue. (And why is he wearing it? Is it so we can tell Arthur and Uther apart? Because the different helmets do a pretty good job of that, and it's a very subtle costuming thing. Why did they even give him that to wear?)
Here are my thoughts - you know who wears blue, knows Arthur's going to throw the fight, and loves Arthur? I'll give you a hint, it starts with M and ends with -erlin.
JUST SAYING.
HOW IS IT THAT BRADLEY JAMES EMOTES SO EXCELLENTLY THROUGH THAT TINY T-SHAPED SLIVER? OH MY GOD HIS LITTLE FAAAAAAAACE. I JUST WANT TO HUG HIM AND TELL HIM IT WILL BE OKAY.
FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE.
So if I had to name the most stunning, zen, at-peace-with-the-universe moment of this episode, this was it. This, right here. It was like suddenly I understood this show. Suddenly Arthur made perfect sense to me. He's just like Merlin, really. Remember what Merlin said to Gilli:
"It's...lonely. To be more powerful than any man you know and have to live like a shadow. To... be special and have to pretend you're a fool. I know how it feels, I understand."
I WISH HE HAD SAID THAT TO ARTHUR. Because yes. YES! THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT ARTHUR IS GOING THROUGH THIS SEASON/ALL SEASONS/ALL THE TIME. Now, I don't think the show is doing this intentionally, because that suggests that this show is capable of emotional subtlety. But I think this is a choice Bradley's articulated very clearly making for his character, and I never saw it shine through nearly as brightly as I did in this scene. As Arthur grows older, he clearly realizes, more and more, how awful his father is. He's a teenager, okay, it's what teenagers do. And like all teenagers, he's desperate to rebel against him (which, I think, contributes in large part to his infatuation with Gwen - I think Arthur's caught up in the romanticism and nobility of the idea of their relationship but clearly doesn't really know anything about who she is as a person), but at the same time, he's desperate for his father's love and approval. He's just starting to recognize that there's something inside him that Gwen and Merlin keep talking about, this potential to be far greater than his father ever was, and he has no idea about how to feel. On one hand, he hates it, because he just wants to make his father happy, and on the other hand, he clings to it, because it means one day he'll be great.
This is the core of why in the legends originally I couldn't ship Arthur with anyone (which made me really sad because as a kid I had the hugest crush on King Arthur), and why I ship Merlin/Arthur SO HARD for this incarnation. Merlin is the only person in the universe who understands Arthur and what Arthur goes through. He understands Arthur's posturing, he understand that Arthur has acted the part of the ass for so long he no longer knows how not to be that person. He also knows that there's that part of Arthur that's kind and good-hearted and gentle that's been smothered for so long, and he knows how to reward that and tease it out. He knows how to make Arthur feel comfortable with being vulnerable. Arthur says in 3.10 that Gwen's the only one he feels comfortable with, but I think it's pretty clear that his actions say otherwise. If anything, I'd say he acts the part for her just as much as he acts the part for Uther and sacrifices and humiliates himself for him the same way Merlin constantly sacrifices and humiliates himself for Arthur. With Gwen he pretends to be Just This Ordinary Noble Guy (who secretly wants to farm) because its what he knows she wants, he knows that's the behavior she rewards in him, and the same goes for how he acts around Uther. Any nobility of spirit or generosity or humanity is seen as weakness, so he hides it. Merlin is the only person he's ever purely Arthur with. He doesn't just show one facet to Merlin the way he does to Uther, or Gwen, or anyone else. He involuntarily shows Merlin everything, and Merlin adores that about him.
I think a lot of things are going to change once Uther is gone and Arthur marries Gwen. I think Arthur's going to figure out a lot. And I think the first thing he's going to realize is that once the conflict is gone from his and Gwen's relationship, there's nothing there. Their entire relationship is based on this Romeo and Juliet fantasy. And that's when Gwen's going to go to Lancelot and when, even if the show never shows this, I firmly believe Arthur will go to Merlin. He has a lot of growing up to do to DESERVE Merlin at this point, but the foundation for him and Merlin being absolutely perfect together is there.
I just wish the show would recognize it a little more.
And see! What he says here! If he weren't my father. That level of emotional intimacy! ONLY EVER WITH MERLIN. BECAUSE MERLIN UNDERSTANDS. AND MERLIN LOVES HIM EVEN WHEN HE'S WEAK AND IMPERFECT.
OH SHOW WHAT YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO DO TO MY HEART WHEN YOU ARE PROPERLY WRITTEN.
Okay, the following sequence of Merlin showing his magic to Gilli is probably the greatest scene of this season so I'm just going to leave this here so we can wibble over COLIN MORGAN'S AMAZING FAAAAAAAAAACE. (and hands homg nomnomnom hands)
DRAGONLORD!MERLIN! ASLKFJLSKDJF. I love that the Dragon was, like, not a massive flaming bag of douche this time around. He was kindly. Benevolent. IT WAS AMAZING.
OMG COLIN'S FACE AFTER HE MAKES GILLI LOSE. OMG COLIN MORGAN. LET ME PLEASE CUDDLE YOU TO MY BOSOM AND COO AT YOU OH MY GODDDDD.
aksdflksjdlksjdf Colin. Okay, that shine in his eye, is that lighting? Unshed tears? WHATEVER IT IS IT MAKES MY INSIDES ALL WARM AND SQUIRMY.
I LOVE THIS PART. Merlin is all DON'T WORRY NEW FRIEND, ONE DAY MY BOYFRIEND WILL BE KING AND I'LL GET TO MAKE OUT WITH HIM WHENEVER I WANT AND TELL HIM ALL ABOUT MY MAGIC AND THE RIVERS WILL RUN WITH MILK AND HONEY. DID I MENTION MY UNSHAKABLE FAITH IN MY BOYFRIEND?!!? I LOVE MY BOOOOOOYFRIEND.
Arthur's little faaaaaace when he realizes that his daddy's proud of him! HIS LITTLE FAAAAAACE.
MERLIN IS PROUD OF HIS BOYFRIEND TOO.
I think the last scene was totally superfluous. The only reasoning I can see for keeping it was because the props team had a really fun time thinking up a plate of food that Colin Morgan, a lactose-intolerant vegetarian allergic to tomatoes, could not eat.
Hey, props guys have to get their chuckles somewhere.
Edit: Somewhere, there is a fourteen year old version of me having a joy seizure over this.
Edit 2: I ran out of my ADD meds and was totally spaced out, so instead of taking me a few hours, this recap took me the entire ding-dong day. I also took, like, five accidental naps today. CURSE YOU ARTIFICIALLY CREATED ENERGY I HAVE GROWN USED TO. During that time Hawaii 5-0 was on and WHAT THE WHAT IS THIS SHOW. Okay, to recap, Within the first ten minutes Steve first looks like rough trade by wearing a nearly see-through wifebeater, then he strips and shamelessly objectifies himself (while they cut to Danny VERY CLEARLY OGLING HIM AHAHAHHAHA WHAT IS THIS) while Kono (who isn't exactly bad-looking) demurely puts on a diving vest to cover up her bikini in the background. And then! After that! Danny calls Steve "babe". As in, he literally turns to Steve and says "There are cleaning people for that, babe" in front of another team member. Between this and all the rampant positive portrayal of minorities, I am now 99% sure this show is all a figment of my imagination. It actually exists in a magical world of rainbows and unicorns and I am thinking about what I want to see and subconsciously projecting it onto my television. I expect Danny and Steve to be making out by the season finale, show.
Also, what is the proper protocol when one is writing a fic that gets disproved by canon? Because I was writing a Steve makes terrible excuses to crash on Danny's couch which leads to sex fic, but now we know Steve's staying in his bullet-riddled house. Honestly, it's Steve, so I should have suspected that, but I stupidly figure that, like most cop shows, Hawaii 5-0 would forget that episodes don't happen in a vacuum. TELL ME WHAT TO DO, OH FRIENDSLIST.