And tell me how it was my fault, for loving you with my whole heart.
Apparently, I am the only person on the planet who liked Merlin this week. I don't know, you guys! I think it's my old people in love thing. It just kills me every time. Plus, Arthur! Oh my god Arthur. SO CUTE WITH HIS EMOTIONAL CONSTIPATION AND GETTING ON THE CLUEBUS RE: HIS DADDY AND GIVING MERLIN ADVICE. OH REAL ARTHUR PENDRAGON AND NOT THE WEIRD-ASS VERSION WE'VE BEEN SEEING OF YOU FOR SO LONG, I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I LOVE PIE, AND I FUCKING LOVE PIE. And of course Colin's just fucking adorable. Whatever. It wasn't an amazing episode, and as far as the show is concerned, they could do better. But I still found it an enjoyable way to spend forty minutes or so.
I have come to realize that my enjoyment of each episode is directly proportional to the amount of time Gwen is on screen with Arthur (or often times, on screen AT ALL), which is just a really depressing realization all around. I'M SORRY, ANGEL COULBY WHO SEEMS LIKE AN EXTREMELY NICE LADY, AND SEASON ONE!GWEN, WHO WAS SO AMAZING. THIS IS NOT PERSONALLY DIRECTED AT YOU. I STILL LOVE YOU. As such, I'm just not writing about Merlin next week. Honestly, I couldn't even watch the trailer without feeling nauseous and shaking I was so angry. Is it lame that I care this much? Yes. But these characters mean a lot to me. This is my favorite show. And they are stabbing it in the face with terrible writing and I just... ugh. I cannot stand idly by and watch any show suffer under such treatment, let alone Merlin. If it was any show BUT Merlin, that is the kind of episode that would cause me to break up with it entirely.
I mean really. Arthur Pendragon takes Gwen on a fucking picnic. What is this bullshit? Arthur would never take ANYONE on a picnic unless there was A WEAPON POINTING AT A VITAL PORTION OF HIS ANATOMY. He's Arthur Pendragon! He has no ability to express his feelings! Hugs scare him! He still makes Gaius give him a yearly booster of the cootie shot! AND HE TAKES HER ON A PICNIC? A clue to writers! IF YOU HAVE TO TRY THIS HARD TO MAKE SOMETHING WORK, IT IS NOT REALLY WORKING.
So yes, next week, drunken (well, sober for me, I don't drink, but I might make myself a good smoothie) Season 1 re-watch at hermette's. And I will continue to hold to my totally ridiculous belief that Merlin/Arthur is like Moonlighting couple of this show. They are Booth and Brennan. They are Jim and Pam (or, Jim and Pam before they actually got married and had a baby). They're Ross and Rachel. They are that couple that NEVER GETS TOGETHER and is super-popular with the audience and the showrunners always swear up and down that they're just ~exploring their friendship~ and ~don't read too much into it~ and then in the series finale, bam! SURPRISE WHO JUST GOT TOGETHER? THAT COUPLE. I have thus used my powers of television deduction to decide that the J's are punking us, right? We are being led astray. They are playing our oft-bruised souls that have longed for the gay and been VICIOUSLY DENIED so that when Arthur and Merlin finally make out it will be like the Spanish Inquisition. No one will expect it! And Gwen is the classic red herring that 90% of fandom hates for ruining their preferred couple and 10% actually ships her and ~feels oppressed~ by the rest of fandom. SEE. DO YOU SEE HOW ACCURATE THIS IS TO MERLIN FANDOM? We're being played. I figured it out. Do I get a pony as a prize? Because I would prefer a sort of certificate of Trope Sleuthing Skills and for the J's to handwrite an apology. Or Bradley and Colin can come live in my room with me. I AM NOT PICKY IS MY POINT.
I have no idea what denial everyone is referring to right now.
THIS METHOD OF COPING IS BRADLEY JAMES APPROVED.
I have come to realize that my enjoyment of each episode is directly proportional to the amount of time Gwen is on screen with Arthur (or often times, on screen AT ALL), which is just a really depressing realization all around. I'M SORRY, ANGEL COULBY WHO SEEMS LIKE AN EXTREMELY NICE LADY, AND SEASON ONE!GWEN, WHO WAS SO AMAZING. THIS IS NOT PERSONALLY DIRECTED AT YOU. I STILL LOVE YOU. As such, I'm just not writing about Merlin next week. Honestly, I couldn't even watch the trailer without feeling nauseous and shaking I was so angry. Is it lame that I care this much? Yes. But these characters mean a lot to me. This is my favorite show. And they are stabbing it in the face with terrible writing and I just... ugh. I cannot stand idly by and watch any show suffer under such treatment, let alone Merlin. If it was any show BUT Merlin, that is the kind of episode that would cause me to break up with it entirely.
I mean really. Arthur Pendragon takes Gwen on a fucking picnic. What is this bullshit? Arthur would never take ANYONE on a picnic unless there was A WEAPON POINTING AT A VITAL PORTION OF HIS ANATOMY. He's Arthur Pendragon! He has no ability to express his feelings! Hugs scare him! He still makes Gaius give him a yearly booster of the cootie shot! AND HE TAKES HER ON A PICNIC? A clue to writers! IF YOU HAVE TO TRY THIS HARD TO MAKE SOMETHING WORK, IT IS NOT REALLY WORKING.
So yes, next week, drunken (well, sober for me, I don't drink, but I might make myself a good smoothie) Season 1 re-watch at hermette's. And I will continue to hold to my totally ridiculous belief that Merlin/Arthur is like Moonlighting couple of this show. They are Booth and Brennan. They are Jim and Pam (or, Jim and Pam before they actually got married and had a baby). They're Ross and Rachel. They are that couple that NEVER GETS TOGETHER and is super-popular with the audience and the showrunners always swear up and down that they're just ~exploring their friendship~ and ~don't read too much into it~ and then in the series finale, bam! SURPRISE WHO JUST GOT TOGETHER? THAT COUPLE. I have thus used my powers of television deduction to decide that the J's are punking us, right? We are being led astray. They are playing our oft-bruised souls that have longed for the gay and been VICIOUSLY DENIED so that when Arthur and Merlin finally make out it will be like the Spanish Inquisition. No one will expect it! And Gwen is the classic red herring that 90% of fandom hates for ruining their preferred couple and 10% actually ships her and ~feels oppressed~ by the rest of fandom. SEE. DO YOU SEE HOW ACCURATE THIS IS TO MERLIN FANDOM? We're being played. I figured it out. Do I get a pony as a prize? Because I would prefer a sort of certificate of Trope Sleuthing Skills and for the J's to handwrite an apology. Or Bradley and Colin can come live in my room with me. I AM NOT PICKY IS MY POINT.
I have no idea what denial everyone is referring to right now.
THIS METHOD OF COPING IS BRADLEY JAMES APPROVED.