[FIC] 100 Rules Prussia Must Abide By

[chibimeringue]

So I’ve seen a lot of these ‘100 things’, and I couldn’t help but try it out. I’m sure someone’s done one for Prussia already, but well. . . he was the first one to come to mind. (I was going to do one for Canada, but really, I’m not sure how much I could get out of that one.)
Title: 100 Rules Prussia Must Abide By
Author: Me, chibimeringue 
Characters/Pairings: Prussia(Gilbert), country names used for simplicity. Mentions of various other countries.
Rating/Warnings: PG-13, purely for Gil's potty-mouth.
Summary: 48. The Asians lied to me, pandas do not bring happiness.

100 things Prussia is not allowed to do, think, try, encourage, or believe is right during or around world meetings.

1. Continuously asking Hungary if she has grown ‘a pair’ yet will result in frying pan wounds.
2. The terms that are not allowed to refer to Austria may be, but not limited to: Fag, fruit, fancy-pants, ‘young master’, wife-stealer, pansy-ass, candy-boy, etc. Etc.
3. Said names may possibly, however, refer to Poland.
4. Taking a head prefect’s pet bird and therefore breaking the crossover wall is not permitted.
5. Gilbird is not allowed to make a nest in West’s hair when it’s not gelled back.
6. Or when it is gelled back.
7. It’s perfectly acceptable to be alone.
8. Really.
9. I mean it.
10. Exposing Austria’s frugal habits is not in good manners.
11. Or in good health, as it will result in beatings.
12. From Hungary.
13. Speaking of said nation, referring to Hungary as ‘Mangary’ will also result in beatings en masse.
14. It is not recommended to pick up France’s speech habits. (Referring to point 13.)
15.  Ganging up on Austria with Spain and France is not an excuse as a ‘Bad Friend Trio Reunion’.
16. Speaking of reunions, it is frowned upon to kidnap Liechtenstein to reunite her with the German federation.
17. Mainly, it will be frowned upon by the Swiss.
18. With guns. (Some very painful frowning right there.)
19. It is not advised to be within a hundred metre radius of Hungary in the kitchen, where she has access to a multitude of cooking utensils.
20. Egging on Hungary’s semi-perverse ideas involving Austria and women’s clothing will result in harsh scolding by both West and Austria himself.
21. Egging on West to call N.Italy over when he’s drunk off his face is also frowned upon.
22. I am to refrain from ‘egging on’ anyone in particular.
23. Encouraging Poland’s gender-skewing ambitions involving Lithuania and other various countries is cruel and unusual punishment to Lithuania.
24. ‘Encouraging’ or any other similes cannot replace ‘egging on’ and make previous rules legal.
25. Referring to West as ‘Führer’ is also in bad taste.
26. Giving France access to women’s clothing and rope is never recommended.
27. Denying that being alone is okay is not good for morale.
28. Blaming everything on Austria is also not good for morale, as it will end in Hungarian invasion of vital regions.
29. And not the fun kind.
30. Getting the ‘Bad friend trio’ together and going out drinking must be supervised by a responsible adult.
31. Neither France nor Spain, while being some of the oldest nations, count as adults.
32. Convincing Sealand that he is a ‘responsible adult’ is not in good taste either.
33. British Naval forces will interject should rule 32 be broken.
34. Either that, or it’ll be a Swedish invasion.
35. . . . And not the fun kind.
36. Convincing Japan to take ‘candid’ photos of the other nations is also frowned upon.
37. Correction: rule 36 is frowned upon by all nations save France and Hungary.
38. Bragging to Austria about stealing his vital regions is simple bullying.
39. Pulling on Romano’s idiot hair in plain sight of Spain just isn’t nice.
40. Pulling Italy’s idiot hair in front of West will result in special training from the Führer.
41. Rule 40, while valid, is in termination via rule 25.
42. Even if it is funny.
43. Rule 42 now applies to all rules.
44. It is in best interest to break the ‘ore-sama’ habit.
45. As impossible as it may feel.
46. Using the excuse ‘Because I’m awesome’ is not a valid excuse for everything.
47. Even if it’s true.
48. Asians lied to me, Pandas do not bring happiness. (They are good for Feng Shui though.)
49. Maple syrup does however, bring happiness.
50. Hip thrusting behind Hungary, even when she doesn’t notice, is not polite.
51. Hip thrusting behind anyone even when they don’t know is not polite.
52. Nor is making sounds that would lead one to a sexual assumption.
53. See rule 42.
54. It is not a good show of ‘manliness’ to cry after being beaten by Hungary.
55. It however, acceptable to cry when alone.
56. Ergo, it is always acceptable to cry.
57. Because being alone is awesome.
58. Really.
59. The only one who will approve of drowning food in maple syrup is Canada.
60. Joking about communism countries and their fascination with walls is not polite.
61. Rule 60’s violation while Russia is within earshot will result in starvation for a few years.
62. Sleeping in West’s bed when it’s fucking cold at night does not count as ‘Germancest.’
63. Should something else besides sleeping happen, then rule 62 is invalid.
64. Telling Italy that West wants another serving of pasta counts as passing on misinformation.
65. Drinking enough beer to get smashed and telling the bartender to ‘put it on Austria’s tab’ is not legal.
66. Trying to get Hungary drunk is never recommended.
67. She’s a violent drunk.
68. Not that she’s not violent all the time.
69. Potatoes are the ultimate side dish.
70. Correction: Potatoes and beer in combination are the ultimate side dish.
71. Beer now counts as a side dish.
72. It is not in good taste to rag on Austria that pianos are useless in battle.
73. It is also dishonest to say that pianos do not make appropriate background music for many situations.
74. Buying expensive cheese to spite Switzerland does not promote good international relations.
75. Crashing World conferences only promotes the further knowledge of the disassembly of the Prussian Kingdom.
76. There is no reason to believe that taunting Korea saying ‘Yeah, you can grab my boobs any day!’ means that he won’t actually try.
77. Russia has no sense of humour. Don’t try it.
78. Should rule 77 be over-ruled, the second Berlin wall may be resurrected.
79. Nobody is to know of the photo of Old Fritz on the bed side.
80. When asked about the ‘Bad friends trio’ history, it is not fair to claim that ‘France and Spain were my bitches.’
81. It is valid however, to correct France and/or Spain should they claim the same thing in reverse.
82. Holding spite for France and Spain because they’re still countries is not gentlemanly.
83.  The realization that my little brother is a country and I am merely part of said country is perfectly okay.
84. Though it may need some beer to sink in.
85.  A lot of beer.
86.  I mean multiple kegs.
87.  Fighting with America and Netherlands as to who’s the most awesome is disruptive.
88.  Leaving Spain and France alone (With or without me) is not advised.
89. Leaving Spain and France with Hungary - especially Hungary with a camera - will not result in awesome times.
90.  Intruding on Hungary’s girl’s night out with the other female nations(+ Poland) will result in gang-beat by the female nations.
91.  No, not ‘gang-bang’ - that depends on how hammered they are by the time they find me.
92.  Hungary is not allowed to find my secret chick-flick stash.
93.  Neither are Spain and France.
94.  Or America.
95.  Or Poland. (The fag.)
96.  Stealing other nation’s pets is not allowed.
97.  Even - no, especially - if they’re cute and fluffy.
98.  Dammit.
99. Telling Hungary that ‘she can invade my vital regions any day’ is off-colour and will more or less end in violence.
100. And not the fun kind.