Chairman of the Board
Today was all about chairs. From the blue wavy ones at the Sea World HR Department (I'm hired...in September) to a considerably more rainbow-colored one currently drying in my living room, today was a day for creative sitting.
Alex only worked until noon today, so I arrived home from my Sea World quasi-disappointment just in time to catch him in the act of assembling a present. He bought me chairs! Beautiful black Ikea goodies with soft washable cushions to replace the rickety-ass broken K-mart chairs that we have been precariously balancing ourselves on since the 3rd ave. apartment! I'm so excited and can't wait to have a dinner party to show them off! Needless to say we will be taking extra-good care of these and will stop (or at least limit) having sex in them so that they last longer.
My other chair story of the day involves my neighbors. Those of you who have visited me know that I have sketchy Mexican neighbors who have commandeered my patio for their own nefarious purposes. Namely, talking on the phone all damn night, smoking, drinking and making inappropriate comments about me and whatever other females happen to be passing by. They have also been using my plants as their own personal trash can. This simply will not do. I have tried mean stares at them through the window, saying "no" (the only common word we share) to their glares and comments, collecting their trash and returning it to them on their doorstep and sicing my brother on them, all to no avail. It's not a language barrier - it's an asshole barrier.
The hated symbol of their evil occupation of my personal space is The Ugly Brown Chair. The Ugly Brown Chair is a cheap metal and vinyl contraption of the type usually found at Baptist Church Pot Lucks and is migratory in nature. It will begin it's journey on the neighbor's patio, and slowly, over the course of a few days, make it's way onto mine only to be rapidly repatriated by Alex and myself only to once again, migrate somewhere tropical. I can't really blame it for wanting to hang out on my patio...it's cleaner. Sometimes we send it on "vacation" to the parking lot or the center of the courtyard surrounded by dog poo. It always makes it's way back to our patio, which it apparently now considers "home." A few days ago, Alex and I decided to make The Ugly Brown Chair disappear...only to reappear tomorrow morning with a few "changes." Call it a free makeover and a Big Fat Hint to our neighbors that the chair needs to stay the hell inside.
We may be passive-aggressive assholes, but at lest we're creative about it.
Alex only worked until noon today, so I arrived home from my Sea World quasi-disappointment just in time to catch him in the act of assembling a present. He bought me chairs! Beautiful black Ikea goodies with soft washable cushions to replace the rickety-ass broken K-mart chairs that we have been precariously balancing ourselves on since the 3rd ave. apartment! I'm so excited and can't wait to have a dinner party to show them off! Needless to say we will be taking extra-good care of these and will stop (or at least limit) having sex in them so that they last longer.
My other chair story of the day involves my neighbors. Those of you who have visited me know that I have sketchy Mexican neighbors who have commandeered my patio for their own nefarious purposes. Namely, talking on the phone all damn night, smoking, drinking and making inappropriate comments about me and whatever other females happen to be passing by. They have also been using my plants as their own personal trash can. This simply will not do. I have tried mean stares at them through the window, saying "no" (the only common word we share) to their glares and comments, collecting their trash and returning it to them on their doorstep and sicing my brother on them, all to no avail. It's not a language barrier - it's an asshole barrier.
The hated symbol of their evil occupation of my personal space is The Ugly Brown Chair. The Ugly Brown Chair is a cheap metal and vinyl contraption of the type usually found at Baptist Church Pot Lucks and is migratory in nature. It will begin it's journey on the neighbor's patio, and slowly, over the course of a few days, make it's way onto mine only to be rapidly repatriated by Alex and myself only to once again, migrate somewhere tropical. I can't really blame it for wanting to hang out on my patio...it's cleaner. Sometimes we send it on "vacation" to the parking lot or the center of the courtyard surrounded by dog poo. It always makes it's way back to our patio, which it apparently now considers "home." A few days ago, Alex and I decided to make The Ugly Brown Chair disappear...only to reappear tomorrow morning with a few "changes." Call it a free makeover and a Big Fat Hint to our neighbors that the chair needs to stay the hell inside.
We may be passive-aggressive assholes, but at lest we're creative about it.