~Innocent Love (One-Shot)~
“Ryutaro! Do you need help on your homework?” Yabu asks as he sits down next to him, bending over to see the papers on the table.
“Mmm… yeah. I’ve been struggling on this stupid math problem. The back of the book says the answer is 14 but I thoroughly checked my work and got 15! Maybe the back of the book is wrong!” Ryutaro says, frustrated.
“Let me check.” Yabu takes the sheet and looks at it, brows furrowed together.
Ryutaro loves this about Yabu. How he cares about others, helps them, gives advice, leads the group, being there when someone needs him, his kindness… just every single thing. The way Yabu has that thoughtful expression, biting his lower lip, and pencil tapping the book.
Yabu glances at the book and back on the problem. “I know what you did wrong,” he finally states.
“Huh?” Ryutaro snaps back to reality, realizing that he probably has been staring for quite a while. He’s glad that Yabu doesn’t notice. Hopefully he hasn’t. Yabu is good at reading people. After all, he has been the leader for the juniors back in the past.
“You did all the work right but you didn’t write down the right problem,” Yabu concludes.
Ryutaro blushes and snatches the homework back, furiously erasing. Yabu chuckles and gives an affectionate ruffle to the younger boy’s hair. Ryutaro smiles. He loves it when Yabu touches him; this comforting feeling makes his heart speed up a little faster and butterflies dance around in his stomach.
“Thanks, Yabu-kun,” he murmurs, pretending to focus on his homework instead of him. Yabu leans closer to him and looks over his shoulder. Ryutaro freezes and drops his pencil. Yabu’s breath is close to his face and all thoughts turns into mush.
“Something wrong?” Yabu has that worried expression on his face. Ryutaro has seen it many times. He lets his own imagination run wild and thinks that the concerned look is reserved only for him.
“No. I…” He thinks of a way so that he can spend more time with Yabu. “I think I should take a break. Can you help me learn the dance? I’m also having a little trouble on it.”
“Sure!” Yabu automatically answers. “But are you sure this is taking a break?”
“Spending time with you is enough of a break for me…” he thinks to himself. “Of course! It lets out all my stress and also a good exercise!” he exclaims.
Yabu laughs at the boy’s enthusiasm and pats his head. “Just don’t stress yourself too much, okay? We can stop anytime you want.”
Ryutaro smiles again. He feels so lucky. He already has made Yabu laugh and also gotten touched again. His heart is already soaring up in the clouds. It’s only the two of them… together.
They’re about to start when someone’s head pops in. “Yabu-kun! You’re here! I see you’re with Ryutaro, too! What are you guys doing?”
Yabu smiles. It’s the smile. The only one that gets to have it is that person. Ryutaro wants it… but he can only see it when he’s there. He sulks because Yabu’s attention will be gone in a matter of time. He has seen their relationship blossom… from the start… the way they both sneak glances at each other or share lunches together. Together… he wants to hate the word, too.
“Takaki! I’m helping Ryutaro with the dance. What are you doing here?” Yabu’s voice… the tone of it has gotten more cheerful and that pains Ryutaro.
“Oh… umm…” Takaki’s eyes have gotten shifty and looks nervous. He rubs the back of his head, embarrassed. “Actually I… I was looking for you…” he manages to say, flushing red.
Yabu turns the same color. “Oh… really?” He looks down shyly but Ryutaro knows that he’s really happy.
Another shot in the heart. Why can’t he be the one to make Yabu happy? He really wants to hate Takaki, to utterly hate and curse him… he really does but he can’t. Takaki just has this personality… no matter how much he tries… he can’t seem to dislike the childish older boy. He should be happy for the couple right? He should just let go of him and forget him? To move on?
“You have to help Ryutaro, Yabu-kun. That’s more important ne?” Takaki says, awkwardly rubbing his arm. “Sorry, Ryutaro.”
Ryutaro knows that Yabu really wants to spend some alone time with Takaki. He’s just being too nice to everyone, not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings. But what Yabu doesn’t know is… he’s already hurt… regardless of what he does… nothing can fix a broken heart… that kindness… why does it hurt even more? He wishes that Yabu can just be mean to him and shun him… Hating Yabu… that would make things better… but how can he hate Yabu when he has already fallen in love with him? And hating someone will get him nowhere. He will fall into a deeper depression.
“No, it’s alright. I can ask help from another BEST member anyways! You two can go spend time together.” He forces himself to produce a laugh and grins.
He wants to be selfish and greedy… to just make Yabu help him with the dance when he doesn’t really need it. It was just an excuse anyways, to be… together… He cringes at the word now. Clinging onto him, having this little hope… hoping that maybe a miracle would happen and Yabu falls for him. Not in this life… he can always dream… but that dream won’t come true…
The two older boys look at each other as if reading each other’s minds. “Are you sure, Ryutaro?” Yabu asks.
“Of course! You two worry too much! Go have fun!” Ryutaro says. He doesn’t know why he’s doing this… making himself suffer…
“I’ll be waiting outside.” Takaki mouths ‘thanks’ to him as he leaves.
“Can I say something random?” Ryutaro questions without thinking. His mind and heart are fighting again. His mind is giving off a red signal while his heart… tells him to let it out…
“What is it?” Yabu has on a confused face.
“I… I…” Ryutaro thinks that he should just chicken out before making a fool out of himself. But he knows that he will regret it. He has this chance… he needs to take it…
“Like… you…” he squeaks out softly. His heart is pounding like crazy against his chest. He had finally done it… some relief…
Yabu’s mouth curves into a smile. He bends down and pulls both of Ryutaro’s cheeks. “I like you, too.” Then Yabu messes up his hair.
“Make use of your time with Takaki-kun,” Ryutaro whispers, hoping that Yabu wouldn’t stay there for any longer. He is about to break down so he lowers his head and starts to push Yabu out the door.
“Okay, okay, Ryutaro! Bye and thanks! You’re so thoughtful and kind... I’m sure you’ll find someone who will treasure you for the person you are.” Then Yabu left with that.
Ryutaro closes and locks the door. Then he slumps down against the door, hands on his face. He’s shaking and tears are appearing at the corners of his eyes. He lets it all out. Ryutaro sobs and hiccups uncontrollably. He clutches his shirt, the place where his heart is. The aching has gotten worse. He should be delighted that Yabu likes him back right? Right?
Yabu’s ‘like’ towards him isn’t the same ‘like’ towards Takaki… he knows that Yabu won’t ever have that kind of feeling towards him. Not now… not ever. He’ll think that it’s just a childish love… that’s why he can’t clarify with Yabu… that he has the feelings of more than a brother… Yabu will get uncomfortable… and worry, apologizing everyday… or maybe even distance himself… Ryutaro doesn’t want that to happen… he can’t let other people suffer at the expense of him. He’s not that selfish… Now he wishes that he had tissues… So many wishes… so many wants… he can’t have it all… life would be too perfect… and there’s no such thing as perfect in this world…
The other members will ask what’s wrong especially Yabu when they see his puffy face. Well, he hasn’t look into a mirror yet but he can imagine. He stands up and clumsily turns the knob. It doesn’t open and he almost forgets that he locked it. He unlocks it and opens it. The door hits his head but he doesn’t care anymore. No physical pain hurts this much… He drags himself to the restroom, ignoring the weird looks on the new juniors. Ryutaro pushes the door open, hearing sobs. His vision is sort of blurry and he wipes away the tears and peeks in.
“Chinen?” he rasps out, seeing the huddled figure on the cold tiled floor.
Chinen looks up with teary eyes. Those eyes… it’s the same as his own. Eyes that show… sadness… hate… envy… resentment… and much more… Someone who is experiencing the same feeling as him… He barely realizes the person making Chinen feeling this way. He has been too caught up in his own feelings for Yabu… that he didn’t notice Chinen… how he looks at and felt towards Takaki… He feels stupid now, thinking that he’s the only one in this world who feels this way. Chinen doesn’t say anything because he knows, too. Ryutaro just walks over to Chinen and hugs him tightly. The latter hugs back. There’s no need to say anything… nothing needs to be said… about this innocent love…