Hasta La Vista, 2012!
Right now, Jason, Nathan and Ashley are still in bed, Dad and I are the only ones up, and Thelma is bruxing and boggling at me from her cage. The New Year's celebrations last night were short-lived and rather peaceful. Obviously there were fireworks, but the bulk of them only lasted about fifteen minutes.
Yesterday was one of those days which started out pretty poorly but ended on a high note. The night before, all my looking forward to staying over at Jason's after a busy, exhausting working week were shattered, once again, by Lee. He'd decided he was staying over instead, and due to the current sleeping arrangements (i.e. Jason's given his mattress to his mum since she needs a bed. He sleeps on the couch whenever he gets the chance, but usually he has to sleep on the floor - despite his joint problems - when Glen and Lee stay over) I wouldn't be able to. And then I'd have to go early - around seven o'clock - because the buses would be stopping sooner due to the New Year.
So, yes. I wasn't happy. It really upsets me when Jason and I can't spend time together that we normally would. But it hit me really hard this time, especially because whenever, say, Jason goes home earlier than usual (which he does quite often lately) or doesn't want me around at his for as long, I always worry that he's looking for excuses to basically get rid of me. At the same time I know that it isn't true, because he does need to look after his mum now since Lee's about as useful as a chocolate fireguard - more on that later - but, yeah, I'm insecure. I always have been, really, since I got picked on quite extensively back in school. I guess the bullying pretty much ruined my self worth, so now my default mindset is that I actually can't believe anyone would love or want to spend time with me. But I adore Jason and don't want to lose him, so I worry. And hen when our usual plans are cut short for whatever reason, I get stressed out and depressed.
I met up with Jason at around half two and he knew immediately that something was wrong. And we bickered a little bit on the way back to his - well, I told him what was wrong and why I was upset and he said that it wasn't that he wanted to spend time with me, it was just with his mum being ill and Lee being a jerk that things were awkward at the minute. And after that I said barely a word all the way back. We had to drop in at the market to pick up rat food and at Asda for some milk and the whole way back I was focusing most of my energy on trying not to cry - and I wasn't particularly successful at it, because now I had to deal with feeling like a horrible person for basically accusing Jason of wanting rid of me, yadda yadda.
We got back to his, I said hi to his mum, and then I went upstairs to his room and cried my eyes out. I just felt terrible about everything. And Jason, bless him, came up and comforted me. We talked about it for a while and I got it all out of my system and after a good cry and a good talk I did feel better. I'm so lucky to have someone who's willing to listen to me and put up with my stupid moods and my insecurity. I love him so much <3
Oh, yes, about Lee being useless... this journal has, I hope, already established him as an inconsiderate shirker of duty. Well, Maria wanted him to take her out to Asda, their local supermarket, yesterday. It's just down the road from where they live, and with today being New Year's day everywhere would be shut so they needed to get food in to tide her and Jason over until regular trading hours resumed. She also wanted him to hoover the living room floor, since Leon and Bruno (her rats) have a habit of kicking food out of their cage.
Well, he went back to his. And then they didn't see him all day yesterday. So the shopping remained undone and the floor remained unhoovered. I was going to do it for her, but to be honest the more jobs we give Lee to do the less we see of him, which is much better than having a clean floor, to be honest. Aside from my depressive episode yesterday, things were so peaceful and quiet without him.
Jason decided he would come back to mine with me, since Auntie Avril (my dad's sister) was having a New Year's shindig and had invited us both. At his, we watched Disney's Aladdin, had our usual Thai red curry for tea (NOM), and then got the 7.25 bus back to mine, where Dad drove us up to Avril's. Already there was Hannah, Ian, Rachel and Sarah (Avril's four children), Hannah's boyfriend Dan, Rachel's husband Stuart and their two sons Ted and Stanley and daughter Annie, and Sarah's husband Andrew.
At first things were pretty awkward. Me, Nathan and Ashley are pretty socially inept people anyway, so the three of us and Jason sat in the dining room instead and chatted amongst ourselves, with Dad, Avril, Hannah and Ian popping in occasionally. Ashley decided to try beer for the first time, hated it, but vowed to finish the bottle anyway, and Nathan had his first ever G&T... and he hated it. Jason and I had one G&T each then moved on to the harder stuff... tea.
Then, gradually, we moved into the living room with everyone else. Flash Gordon was on the TV, so we watched that for a while, and then Stuart had a great idea to get everyone talking - a game called Caption It, where a picture is passed round and you have to choose an appropriate and amusing caption from a selection of cards. If you win, you take the picture, and the first person to get to five wins the game.
Oh my god, it was brilliant. We must have spent two hours playing it, and it was so funny. I haven't laughed so hard in ages, and I'd honestly expected the whole evening to be quite awkward. Plus, Avril didn't even grill Jason on his qualifications, career and talents like she had done to my mum years ago.
So I saw in 2013 in a brilliant mood. Stuart, Ted, Nathan, Ashley and I went out the front to see some fireworks, then round the back. There were a few good ones to watch, and there were flying lanterns everywhere mingling with the stars. It was awesome.
I got to bed at 2 this morning, and Jason is still there. I'm definitely a lot better at mornings than he is! I might go back up once I've finished writing this, but I think I'll grab some breakfast before I do. I hope everyone had a great New Year, and hopefully 2013 will be an awesome year as well!
Yesterday was one of those days which started out pretty poorly but ended on a high note. The night before, all my looking forward to staying over at Jason's after a busy, exhausting working week were shattered, once again, by Lee. He'd decided he was staying over instead, and due to the current sleeping arrangements (i.e. Jason's given his mattress to his mum since she needs a bed. He sleeps on the couch whenever he gets the chance, but usually he has to sleep on the floor - despite his joint problems - when Glen and Lee stay over) I wouldn't be able to. And then I'd have to go early - around seven o'clock - because the buses would be stopping sooner due to the New Year.
So, yes. I wasn't happy. It really upsets me when Jason and I can't spend time together that we normally would. But it hit me really hard this time, especially because whenever, say, Jason goes home earlier than usual (which he does quite often lately) or doesn't want me around at his for as long, I always worry that he's looking for excuses to basically get rid of me. At the same time I know that it isn't true, because he does need to look after his mum now since Lee's about as useful as a chocolate fireguard - more on that later - but, yeah, I'm insecure. I always have been, really, since I got picked on quite extensively back in school. I guess the bullying pretty much ruined my self worth, so now my default mindset is that I actually can't believe anyone would love or want to spend time with me. But I adore Jason and don't want to lose him, so I worry. And hen when our usual plans are cut short for whatever reason, I get stressed out and depressed.
I met up with Jason at around half two and he knew immediately that something was wrong. And we bickered a little bit on the way back to his - well, I told him what was wrong and why I was upset and he said that it wasn't that he wanted to spend time with me, it was just with his mum being ill and Lee being a jerk that things were awkward at the minute. And after that I said barely a word all the way back. We had to drop in at the market to pick up rat food and at Asda for some milk and the whole way back I was focusing most of my energy on trying not to cry - and I wasn't particularly successful at it, because now I had to deal with feeling like a horrible person for basically accusing Jason of wanting rid of me, yadda yadda.
We got back to his, I said hi to his mum, and then I went upstairs to his room and cried my eyes out. I just felt terrible about everything. And Jason, bless him, came up and comforted me. We talked about it for a while and I got it all out of my system and after a good cry and a good talk I did feel better. I'm so lucky to have someone who's willing to listen to me and put up with my stupid moods and my insecurity. I love him so much <3
Oh, yes, about Lee being useless... this journal has, I hope, already established him as an inconsiderate shirker of duty. Well, Maria wanted him to take her out to Asda, their local supermarket, yesterday. It's just down the road from where they live, and with today being New Year's day everywhere would be shut so they needed to get food in to tide her and Jason over until regular trading hours resumed. She also wanted him to hoover the living room floor, since Leon and Bruno (her rats) have a habit of kicking food out of their cage.
Well, he went back to his. And then they didn't see him all day yesterday. So the shopping remained undone and the floor remained unhoovered. I was going to do it for her, but to be honest the more jobs we give Lee to do the less we see of him, which is much better than having a clean floor, to be honest. Aside from my depressive episode yesterday, things were so peaceful and quiet without him.
Jason decided he would come back to mine with me, since Auntie Avril (my dad's sister) was having a New Year's shindig and had invited us both. At his, we watched Disney's Aladdin, had our usual Thai red curry for tea (NOM), and then got the 7.25 bus back to mine, where Dad drove us up to Avril's. Already there was Hannah, Ian, Rachel and Sarah (Avril's four children), Hannah's boyfriend Dan, Rachel's husband Stuart and their two sons Ted and Stanley and daughter Annie, and Sarah's husband Andrew.
At first things were pretty awkward. Me, Nathan and Ashley are pretty socially inept people anyway, so the three of us and Jason sat in the dining room instead and chatted amongst ourselves, with Dad, Avril, Hannah and Ian popping in occasionally. Ashley decided to try beer for the first time, hated it, but vowed to finish the bottle anyway, and Nathan had his first ever G&T... and he hated it. Jason and I had one G&T each then moved on to the harder stuff... tea.
Then, gradually, we moved into the living room with everyone else. Flash Gordon was on the TV, so we watched that for a while, and then Stuart had a great idea to get everyone talking - a game called Caption It, where a picture is passed round and you have to choose an appropriate and amusing caption from a selection of cards. If you win, you take the picture, and the first person to get to five wins the game.
Oh my god, it was brilliant. We must have spent two hours playing it, and it was so funny. I haven't laughed so hard in ages, and I'd honestly expected the whole evening to be quite awkward. Plus, Avril didn't even grill Jason on his qualifications, career and talents like she had done to my mum years ago.
So I saw in 2013 in a brilliant mood. Stuart, Ted, Nathan, Ashley and I went out the front to see some fireworks, then round the back. There were a few good ones to watch, and there were flying lanterns everywhere mingling with the stars. It was awesome.
I got to bed at 2 this morning, and Jason is still there. I'm definitely a lot better at mornings than he is! I might go back up once I've finished writing this, but I think I'll grab some breakfast before I do. I hope everyone had a great New Year, and hopefully 2013 will be an awesome year as well!