everyone else in the room can see it, everyone else but you
I had an amazing day.
Sorry, I'll back up. It's been a while.
Since returning to TO after Easter I've had a tense, up-and-down but progressively crappier two and a half weeks of practicum until, on Tuesday this week, the last straw landed and that was it for the camel. I had a meltdown in the classroom after all the kids were gone - it started as a discussion with my Associate Teacher about what was and wasn't working and ended up with me sitting on the floor trying not to hyperventilate from all the crying.
My emotional water table is really high right now, okay?
I had previously been frustrated and felt that my AT was not giving me enough feedback to be helpful; I didn't know how to have a conversation with her about it since I find it hard to hold her attention and I also didn't want to aggravate her - I wasn't really sure what the deal was between us. I had no idea what she thought of me as a person, and that always bothers me. I don't deal well when I think someone might not like me, but can't confirm one way or the other.
I have concluded that she likes me fine, and was simply stressed by my shortened practicum timeline, as I have been. (I should have started the week before Easter, if you'll recall, but the funeral was that Monday.)
So I have my meltdown, and she gives me the specific feedback and suggestions that I have been craving, and I go into Wednesday with an entirely new spirit. And everything is different. It's only been three days now, but I think it's going to work.
Feels kind of like a phoenix thing. I've risen from the ashes. Figured a few things out, had a few things told to me and finally assimilated them properly, that kind of thing. This practicum has already made me, and will almost certainly continue to make me, a much better teacher. This is the process I feared and hoped for. This is what I needed.
So today I gave them a music party as a combination behaviour incentive and guerrilla science lesson. We followed up with a little talk about frequency and amplitude, and I'll do a further follow-up on Monday, but mostly it was all the musical kids in the class playing for their peers, interspersed with a couple of mini dance parties and bookended by me. (I love playing music for kids, man. They think everything you do is amazing. :D) They were great. I was on a euphoric high the whole afternoon.
The best part was when, in the second mini dance party, What Makes You Beautiful came on... and the kids went ballistic. They ADORE that song. And they know all the words. And formed spontaneous conga lines. And the girls all eventually clustered around the one girl who wasn't dancing and sang it to her, and the act-out showboat boy sang it to one of the quiet studious boys, and these kids are ten and have no idea what they're doing and it's the cutest thing ever.
I'm still a little floaty. I know this won't last, but hopefully the things I learned this week will carry true into next week. I have until Friday and I intend to be awesome.
(Also, I discovered yesterday that What Makes You Beautiful is actually incredibly satisfying to listen to. I love it a lot.)
Sorry, I'll back up. It's been a while.
Since returning to TO after Easter I've had a tense, up-and-down but progressively crappier two and a half weeks of practicum until, on Tuesday this week, the last straw landed and that was it for the camel. I had a meltdown in the classroom after all the kids were gone - it started as a discussion with my Associate Teacher about what was and wasn't working and ended up with me sitting on the floor trying not to hyperventilate from all the crying.
My emotional water table is really high right now, okay?
I had previously been frustrated and felt that my AT was not giving me enough feedback to be helpful; I didn't know how to have a conversation with her about it since I find it hard to hold her attention and I also didn't want to aggravate her - I wasn't really sure what the deal was between us. I had no idea what she thought of me as a person, and that always bothers me. I don't deal well when I think someone might not like me, but can't confirm one way or the other.
I have concluded that she likes me fine, and was simply stressed by my shortened practicum timeline, as I have been. (I should have started the week before Easter, if you'll recall, but the funeral was that Monday.)
So I have my meltdown, and she gives me the specific feedback and suggestions that I have been craving, and I go into Wednesday with an entirely new spirit. And everything is different. It's only been three days now, but I think it's going to work.
Feels kind of like a phoenix thing. I've risen from the ashes. Figured a few things out, had a few things told to me and finally assimilated them properly, that kind of thing. This practicum has already made me, and will almost certainly continue to make me, a much better teacher. This is the process I feared and hoped for. This is what I needed.
So today I gave them a music party as a combination behaviour incentive and guerrilla science lesson. We followed up with a little talk about frequency and amplitude, and I'll do a further follow-up on Monday, but mostly it was all the musical kids in the class playing for their peers, interspersed with a couple of mini dance parties and bookended by me. (I love playing music for kids, man. They think everything you do is amazing. :D) They were great. I was on a euphoric high the whole afternoon.
The best part was when, in the second mini dance party, What Makes You Beautiful came on... and the kids went ballistic. They ADORE that song. And they know all the words. And formed spontaneous conga lines. And the girls all eventually clustered around the one girl who wasn't dancing and sang it to her, and the act-out showboat boy sang it to one of the quiet studious boys, and these kids are ten and have no idea what they're doing and it's the cutest thing ever.
I'm still a little floaty. I know this won't last, but hopefully the things I learned this week will carry true into next week. I have until Friday and I intend to be awesome.
(Also, I discovered yesterday that What Makes You Beautiful is actually incredibly satisfying to listen to. I love it a lot.)