He's not a terrible person... I promise... LJ just gets the bad days.
So I caught him watching porn yesterday. Little bitty girls and stuff again. He started closing windows when he heard me walking up and changed windows, but I would still see "girls" and "models" at the bottom of his screen. Tiled windows are a bitch, aint they? Anyhow, I played it off like nothing happened. He blushed (he never does that) and he wouldnt give me anything more than 2 word answers for the next half hour.
I walked off, went to the bedroom to calm down and stretch out to compose myself. He went to smoke and came back to find me. I was in the bedroom, still, laying across the bed on my stomach. The lights were out. Fortunately, he's a smart man and he left the lights out. "whats wrong?" he asks. I hate that question. I really do. If the other person didnt know what they did in the first place, its always hard to tell them because either you're choked on tears or you've come to the conclusion that it was dumb to be upset and then you feel like a moron for getting upset in the first place. Anyhow, those two words started a tirade on my behalf. "Why do you feel the need to close all your damn porn windows when you see me coming? Its not like I dont point out hot chicks when we're out... Whats up? Does it bother you that I'm a cow compared to your porn stars? Was it really so agonizing to come to the bedroom where you knew I was if you wanted sex? Did ya really have to go to the web to wank off? DO I just not do it enough for ya?"
Everybody knows the teary whine that a woman gets when they're distraught... That annoying voice thats all they can choke out through tears. Hopefully it makes sense. If not, she's only made a spectacle of herself and has progressed in the men's book to "The Nag" or "That Cunt". He couldnt meet my eyes at this point. I guess I embarassed him. Theres another 20 minutes or so of nonstop abuse I threw at him there, but I'll leave the gory details out. In short, he was bored and boobs are fun to look at. I begged to differ in that these girls had no tits to look at, but I digress. Back and forth the "argument" goes and I'm just bawling... falling apart at the seams. Its the first time I've actually said anything to him about porn and such... He says he never knew that it bothered me.
I think that deep down, most girls are alike. They all want the one knee proposal, they all want stability, a house, for him to call them their one and only 4evar... I think that this also includes porn though. I honestly think that it (usually) bothers a woman to know that her man is watching porn. On the one hand, I feel its my right given to me by the ring on my finger to tell him no. He can't watch it. On the other, I dont want to be "that cunt" that the boys talk about over poker and beer, ya know?
I told myself a long time ago that I wouldnt be The Nag. I told myself that I'd go with the flow. Be the "whatever makes you happy, honey" kind of wife... the one that a guy's proud to have. But I find myself at a loss here. He knows that it bothers me now... I guess I'll just have to see what he does about it. Does he more selectively watch his smut to make sure I'm not around? Does he delete it? DOes he ignore the whole thing and attribute it to "that time of the month"? We'll see...
I walked off, went to the bedroom to calm down and stretch out to compose myself. He went to smoke and came back to find me. I was in the bedroom, still, laying across the bed on my stomach. The lights were out. Fortunately, he's a smart man and he left the lights out. "whats wrong?" he asks. I hate that question. I really do. If the other person didnt know what they did in the first place, its always hard to tell them because either you're choked on tears or you've come to the conclusion that it was dumb to be upset and then you feel like a moron for getting upset in the first place. Anyhow, those two words started a tirade on my behalf. "Why do you feel the need to close all your damn porn windows when you see me coming? Its not like I dont point out hot chicks when we're out... Whats up? Does it bother you that I'm a cow compared to your porn stars? Was it really so agonizing to come to the bedroom where you knew I was if you wanted sex? Did ya really have to go to the web to wank off? DO I just not do it enough for ya?"
Everybody knows the teary whine that a woman gets when they're distraught... That annoying voice thats all they can choke out through tears. Hopefully it makes sense. If not, she's only made a spectacle of herself and has progressed in the men's book to "The Nag" or "That Cunt". He couldnt meet my eyes at this point. I guess I embarassed him. Theres another 20 minutes or so of nonstop abuse I threw at him there, but I'll leave the gory details out. In short, he was bored and boobs are fun to look at. I begged to differ in that these girls had no tits to look at, but I digress. Back and forth the "argument" goes and I'm just bawling... falling apart at the seams. Its the first time I've actually said anything to him about porn and such... He says he never knew that it bothered me.
I think that deep down, most girls are alike. They all want the one knee proposal, they all want stability, a house, for him to call them their one and only 4evar... I think that this also includes porn though. I honestly think that it (usually) bothers a woman to know that her man is watching porn. On the one hand, I feel its my right given to me by the ring on my finger to tell him no. He can't watch it. On the other, I dont want to be "that cunt" that the boys talk about over poker and beer, ya know?
I told myself a long time ago that I wouldnt be The Nag. I told myself that I'd go with the flow. Be the "whatever makes you happy, honey" kind of wife... the one that a guy's proud to have. But I find myself at a loss here. He knows that it bothers me now... I guess I'll just have to see what he does about it. Does he more selectively watch his smut to make sure I'm not around? Does he delete it? DOes he ignore the whole thing and attribute it to "that time of the month"? We'll see...