here it comes: a better version of me
So since I no longer have any excuses (that whole "I don’t have the time" thing isn't going to work this summer!) I am trying to dedicate this summer to improving myself. I have a few major goals to accomplish: I need to find a job, a grad school, get my apartment in order and one of the biggest goals of the summer is to-Get healthy and look hot!- I know, I know, I know, I pretty much say that every summer, but I've joined a gym and have been going about 3 times a week since May. That's a huge accomplishment for me considering that usually lasts about 3 weeks and then I crap out of my fitness phase. I've lost about 5 pounds-which I am of course happy about, but at the same time I can't help but whine for more dramatic results. My sister has been trying to inspire me to start lifing weights and such. I even went out and bought her favorite guru's diet book (The Eat Clean Diet by Tosca Reno). I'm on page 22, and so far it makes a lot of sense. Don't expect me to become a body builder like Angel is-but hopefully I will learn something from that kind of mentality. To be honest, part of me is just curious to see how far I can go. Do I really have it in me to be like.....physically fit? I have never, ever, in my entire life, been fit. Even when I was little I would fail the physical fitness tests, which is sad since all you needed to do back then is run for a minute straight and not die, and I couldn't even do that! You guys know that I'm the girl that doesn't run unless something is chasing her! I don't do sports, and I don't do step aerobics (flashback to high school step class-Toni is falling all over herself because she's too clumsy to do the moves that the teacher is trying to do. She falls over with a loud *crash* as she actually manages to trip over the step, and the entire class turns around and gawks). So yeah-definitely entering new territory here. I have to say though, since I have been going to the gym, I do feel physically better. I just feel lighter and not so bloated all the time. It also does wonders for my mood- gotta love endorphins! Now I know why people recommend exercise for depression.
There is only one thing standing in my way of healthiness-my cervix.
No, I'm not kidding. My girly-parts seem to have gone awry. I am one of the many who went into the OBGYN for a routine PAP and is now terrified that she might have cancer. My results came back "abnormal" and after a biopsy (which was NOT pleasant) it turns out that I have "moderate dysplasia" or however the fuck you spell it. Basically this means that I have pre-cancer cells in my cervix. They told me that I was at some point exposed to HPV (which is fucking ridiculous and unfair since I'm pretty much a nun and only sleep with the person I'm dating, and even than only after a while of knowing them. There's only 1 person I can think of that could have given this to me, and I pretty much hated him already, so now when I see him I have another excuse to castrate him) and that caused the cells to morph and become abnormal. Apparently this will sometimes go away on its own, but if it doesn't, I have to have outpatient surgery. What makes this even better is that the procedures that they use to get rid of the abnormal cells can very often fuck with the body-to the point where it can affect my chances of having children. Awesome. Add to this some general paranoia, since both of my parents had cancer, and we have a recipe for a lot of anxiety and loss of sleep. I won't know what the next step for this is until December, and that's *if* I have insurance by then *sigh* I guess I'll just try and use this as further motivation to get healthy-if something is wrong with me, than I'll have to be in top-shape to fight it off.
Wish me luck guys!
There is only one thing standing in my way of healthiness-my cervix.
No, I'm not kidding. My girly-parts seem to have gone awry. I am one of the many who went into the OBGYN for a routine PAP and is now terrified that she might have cancer. My results came back "abnormal" and after a biopsy (which was NOT pleasant) it turns out that I have "moderate dysplasia" or however the fuck you spell it. Basically this means that I have pre-cancer cells in my cervix. They told me that I was at some point exposed to HPV (which is fucking ridiculous and unfair since I'm pretty much a nun and only sleep with the person I'm dating, and even than only after a while of knowing them. There's only 1 person I can think of that could have given this to me, and I pretty much hated him already, so now when I see him I have another excuse to castrate him) and that caused the cells to morph and become abnormal. Apparently this will sometimes go away on its own, but if it doesn't, I have to have outpatient surgery. What makes this even better is that the procedures that they use to get rid of the abnormal cells can very often fuck with the body-to the point where it can affect my chances of having children. Awesome. Add to this some general paranoia, since both of my parents had cancer, and we have a recipe for a lot of anxiety and loss of sleep. I won't know what the next step for this is until December, and that's *if* I have insurance by then *sigh* I guess I'll just try and use this as further motivation to get healthy-if something is wrong with me, than I'll have to be in top-shape to fight it off.
Wish me luck guys!