(no subject)
I got an email from my oh, so wonderful audaxeques. I had not heard from him in months. It positively made my day.
Still suffering from the plague.
I really needed to go to class today. But, I haven't been doing too well since Saturday night. The coughing has got to go. I can't take it any longer.
I've been somewhat sad lately. Sad for someone and sad for myself. Someday I will be happy. Will you wish me happiness?
I really miss the days of not caring. Not caring about school or what I was going to be doing or what other people were doing. Not caring about what I should be doing and what I shouldn't be doing. In high school I didn't have a care in the world. I was extremely carefree. I'm so different now. I think I care too much. I worry too much, but I suppose I've always been somewhat of a worrier. But, more so now.
I'm still cold and heartless in many respects. I also realize now that I have become soft in many respects. My once solid ice, cold heart has slightly melted. This bothers me to no end. I must admit, I miss being completely frozen. It's difficult to feel. God, sometimes I really, really, dislike being human.
Someone once called me a robot. That I was automatic and unfeeling. Sometimes I wish I were. Sometimes I wish I really were a robot.
I once said that the best feeling in the world is knowing you are loved. I once said that the worst feeling in the world is knowing that the person you love doesn't love you. I still can't think of any feelings better or worse.
I tell myself, "Screw it."
I'm not that bad off. I must admit that things are really not so terrible (it just feels like it). I tell myself things could be worse, be thankful they are not. I suppose in some way I am thankful things are not worse. But, then I sometimes can't imagine them being worse than they already are.
Reality check. All and all things are Ok.
I've just got the mean reds.
~Stella
Still suffering from the plague.
I really needed to go to class today. But, I haven't been doing too well since Saturday night. The coughing has got to go. I can't take it any longer.
I've been somewhat sad lately. Sad for someone and sad for myself. Someday I will be happy. Will you wish me happiness?
I really miss the days of not caring. Not caring about school or what I was going to be doing or what other people were doing. Not caring about what I should be doing and what I shouldn't be doing. In high school I didn't have a care in the world. I was extremely carefree. I'm so different now. I think I care too much. I worry too much, but I suppose I've always been somewhat of a worrier. But, more so now.
I'm still cold and heartless in many respects. I also realize now that I have become soft in many respects. My once solid ice, cold heart has slightly melted. This bothers me to no end. I must admit, I miss being completely frozen. It's difficult to feel. God, sometimes I really, really, dislike being human.
Someone once called me a robot. That I was automatic and unfeeling. Sometimes I wish I were. Sometimes I wish I really were a robot.
I once said that the best feeling in the world is knowing you are loved. I once said that the worst feeling in the world is knowing that the person you love doesn't love you. I still can't think of any feelings better or worse.
I tell myself, "Screw it."
I'm not that bad off. I must admit that things are really not so terrible (it just feels like it). I tell myself things could be worse, be thankful they are not. I suppose in some way I am thankful things are not worse. But, then I sometimes can't imagine them being worse than they already are.
Reality check. All and all things are Ok.
I've just got the mean reds.
~Stella